Looking back at 2006, looking forward to 2007...

Billy Corgan - All Things Change

(first off, this is being done now instead of tomorrow, because I want to spend the last day of the year offline)

It (the song above) doesn't capture this year for me, but truly... This has been a year in which a lot (not all) of things have changed. Where do I start with what was and what changed? I don't know...hmmm....

First change,
I'd say my heart and my mind; educationally...Yeah, my knowledge has increased in that area in some ways, but most of what's been changing heart and mind wise is deeper, and more rooted in friends and family, others...Not so much of myself.
An example of how heart+mind has changed is that I am working at giving credit where credits due, too often I will thank a person, but I leave it at that, I need to go beyond that.

Another change:
I more open to constructive criticism; when done for the right reason in a right context, I may be hesitant at first, but I can handle it now.

Another change:
Maybe not the best of changes, but it comes down to this; if something happens to my friend who is very dear to me, I will step up in protesting the war. I am anti war to begin with, but if my friend goes I will do more than say I am antiwar; I will protest, I will write letters, I will do all I can from a legal perspective in protesting the war... And hopefully my nightmare doesn't come true...

Another change:
Styles of prayer, styles of worship, etc. I've been learning on my own, but also through some friends and whatnot. I'm not tied down in a denominational sense, I want to expand my horizons with different styles to bring honor and glory to God, because there are moments in my walk that I'd like to add to what I'm currently doing, even tho it's about being, not doing...

As far as I am concerned about New Year's Resolutions, I'm not a big fan of them, but I do have some goals I'd like to get done in '07:
*Continue writing, but perhaps a book (nothing too over-the-top)
**Being more immersed in Youth Ministry; hanging out more with the students AND leaders, building on the relationships I already have.
***Work on complimenting people and forgiving people (completely): So often I thank people for what they do, but I'm not a complimenter as it were, and I'd like to compliment people where it's due. Forgiving people completely: there have been times where I have forgiven people, but not thoroughly - a part of the pain remains and it cuts me and poisons me at times. So I want to work at forgiving people completely.

Happy 2007!
[n][v]

Merry Christmas Y'all

May God bless you and yours on this Christmas day! :)

Pursuing God's will in my life

I want God's will in my life, more than that I desire his will as mine. As I sit here, I ponder the life I have led; I have been a Christian for 17 years, and a follower of Christ for about 7, but God is constantly changing me.
I have dreams to go out and share the Gospel message in a relational setting to places where my life may be taken away from me, in which I am unfazed by death for what I believe or death for that matter; I do love living and being with those I love, but I've recognized (without much fear) that life is short and death is a part of life.
Then there's the part of me that would very much like to pursue Youth Ministry for a career, for a great deal of time, etc. Not that I wouldn't mind this, granted I am pursuing Youth Ministry as a degree (and I certainly will graduate with this as a degree) and I will continue on being involved with Young Life, but a part of me feels called to go where His word is not accepted, where He is something illegal, but it comes down to this:

I desire God's will above mine

So what does that mean I'll end up? I don't know, but I do know that where I'll go, He'll be there and when I get there myself, I know all will be in control. Because I've come to realize (not the hard way) that one cannot run away from God, one cannot run away from the Hound of Heaven.

His will!
not mine.

[n][v]

This song sticks to me; whenever I hear it, when ever I think of it, and when ever I talk to my Father in Heaven... Enjoy!

When Worlds Collide

Stay my love
Here in my arms
Let me say
I love you

Then sleep a while
Dream your dreams
Soon I will take you far away
From where the night threatens the day and

Worlds collide
I'm on your side
When worlds collide
I'm on your side

See my face
Hear my voice
I am real
And you are mine

When shadows fall
When lovers mourn
And you fight your darkest tendencies
I promise to hold you close to me when

Until we're together, beyond other worlds
And you're free from the pain and fear
I'll place this light in your heart
If you'll keep it burning
While this world is turning,
Soon it will banish the dark
[Daniel Amos]

How I cling to my Father,
How I desire to make His ways my ways...
It's such an ongoing process,
and I am learning to trust him 100 percent.

[n][v]

George Harrison
well, one of the Beatles past away 5 years ago today,
talking to my sister Abbey helped me connect with her (even though it was shorter than I'd like)
and she and I talked about George's song My Sweet Lord and how there was a bit
of controversy with it sounding like another song.
Here's my short and sweet spiel about George;

George was a very good musician,
in his days as a Beatle and his solo career.
I love his music and while it has an Eastern religious flair to it,
I sing My Sweet Lord and Give me Love as if they were praise and worship songs.
I don't know your heart, God does,
but while you were here, you made good tunes.

(Feel free to download these songs by George Harrison)

Here comes the Sun

Something

My Sweet Lord

Give me Love (Give me Peace on Earth)


[n][v]

Okay, something short before I go back to doing homework...

Anyway;
Thanksgiving was spent with my mom and some relatives, we went to visit them in the town outside of Chicago known as Berwyn. Berwyn holds a little bit of my heart because this was the town my mom grew up, it was the town in which I would visit my grandparents (who lived in Berwyn before we took care of them in their later years) and I enjoyed going to visit my grandparents, especially my grandfather. He was a professional drummer and sometimes his friends/bandmates/etc. would come together and have little jam sessions, it was neat.
Going to Berwyn was nice, visiting my relatives was nice, them bickering and arguing about stupid crap...not so nice. I talked to my cousin Julie for a long time, ate some Thanksgiving dinner (limited for me the vegetarian) and watched An Inconvienient Truth with Al Gore as the main person in it, it was good, but it made me realize how screwed the world is if we don't start fixing this world...


Speaking of fixing,
God's been working, fixing and healing my heart these days, I am going to have to take it slow on several areas, and I know that by taking it slow I will be honoring God, honoring myself and honoring the other people involved. Simply put, I will take it s-l-o-w, though it is not in my nature to go at something slow (thankfully I am not a surgeon) and I am willing to go slow...

Where was I?

Oh yes...

The rest of my Thanksgiving break was good, though I did not spend as much time on my homework, this evening and possibly tomorrow (outside of the classroom), but I enjoyed the time with my mom.
I was home to visit the rest of the fam. sans Abbey (she was working), but I hung out and chilled+talked to my sisters Hannah and Charity; they're good, stressed and whatnot, but they were glad to be on a break and soon it'll be Christmas break (yet Finals must come prior...*sigh*).
Back to the homework, but to end this back-to-blogging blogpost, I want to say this:

Life is full of uncertainty,
Yet regardless of what life might throw at you, know that God is in control 100% of the time,
He's watching over you and He's watching over me,
and that makes life better... (In His hands, it's all in His hands)

[n][v]

This is just to say...

That the events of this evening were not how I planned,
The experience in itself is a new one to me,
The consequences of the evening are not in full sight,
The events may alter the lives of some people I know and have become friends with
The friendship will remain, but in some ways it might change

***

And through it all, God has all the pieces in His hands,
nothing has been lost in this night that can be fixed by God;
piece by piece, this could be a turning point in the lives of some people for the better.

Regardless,
it is all in God's hands.

[n][v]

What a good movie, and I got to see all of it to its entirety!

The movie is Missionary Positions and it was put out by www.xxxchurch.com - the number one Christian porn site! I own their shirt Jesus loves porn stars and I've heard good things about this movie via their website, so if you can view it, do it!

[n][v]

Staring into the mirror of self:

   I am not questioning God, nor myself, but sometimes I wonder... How much further do I have to go? I question myself in light of a shattered mirror...

source

   What can I say besides the fact that I am a fallen human being that gazes to Heaven calling out to his Father - out of desperation, out of total depravity, out of the many questions that I have...
   I am tired/wired, torn/worn, giving over and NOT giving up... I am not a completed work of art, but I am a progression, I am an Imago Dei, I have more worth than I realize, I am defined by who I am (a son of God) and not what I do...

I cannot rewind, so I must press forward,
I cannot change others, only God can do that,
I lack strength, but God gives me His and it sustains me,
I have no breath, only God's,
I have nothing... God is my all...

going on by God's strength alone - n:v

Young Life insights

My Young Life blogpost...

Hi!
To those of you who aided by giving me your ideas/insights to Young Life from a what do you like/what do you dislike perspective,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Here's my thoughts about Young Life:

I have been involved with Young Life in the St. Charles IL area for a little more than a year. I am a college student who is pursuing a Youth Ministry degree at Judson College. Prior to coming to Judson I wasn't that interested in pursuing a Youth Ministry degree outside of the church, for my prior Youth Ministry experience was inside my home church involving middle schoolers, so when I came to Judson College I was rather certain that I'd pursue a church version of Youth Ministry because I knew what it looked like and I had a feel for it...

Two thoughts I had about Youth Ministry prior to Judson/Young Life:
1) Youth Ministry in a church setting is where the most amount of kids are reached
and
2) High Schoolers scare me! (ah, the naïveté I had!)

I did not grasp the holistic picture of Youth Ministry, that is, I saw ministry as a church thing and (perhaps in the back of my mind) I thought that is where it was solely based... Shortly before finding a place to call my Practicum for Youth Ministry I was challenged by a professor in the program (who has a 'little' experience in Young Life, little is the understatement of the hour.) who said in regards to practicums do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, something that you're not used to - and it really stuck! I mean, going from a church setting with middle schoolers to a parachurch setting with high schoolers... yeah, it's been quite a jump!
My good friend Jeremy was already involved with Young Life prior to going to Judson and he mentioned it to me, so I decided to 'try' it out... In all honesty, it was a bit overwhelming at first, especially since Young Life is a high school ministry (oh the horrors! ) and being in an environment that is not always controlled (compared to the church environment) was terrifying for the first, second and third time I was there.
Somewhere in this chaos and confusion and the question of where-am-I-going-to-do-my-Practicum I felt God calling, persisting, badgering me and guiding me towards Young Life. In my heart and mind I knew that I could either pull a Jonah and head off away from where I was being called to or give in to "the call" and make my way back to Young Life and make 'the best of it.'

Well, you know what?
I went back to Young Life (a duh moment, since I'm writing about it) and it wasn't a going-back-because-I-have-to, but a series of fortunate events that solidified my calling to parachurch Youth Ministry, which I was working with teens who are (gasp!) high schoolers!
I admit, it hasn't been all peaches and cream, and sometimes it has been downright painful on a mental/spiritual/etc. level. I have been tried and torn, I've be wearied and worn, I've felt the pain of others and being REAL and HONEST with my fellow leaders have made me sick of myself and I've wanted to just go to the door and walk away from the problems that bother me...

But I haven't left,
I'm an unfinished being,
I'm still here because of God.

---

Some thoughts I'd like to pass on Young Life leaders everywhere:

• May God bless you in your pursuit to be personal, real and intentional with high schoolers! It's a difficult job, but God has you (and them) and he can aid you on your journey.


• This job should not be treated as a job per se, it should be treated as a responsibility that should not be taken lightly; sure, have fun with your teens, but remember the WHY question in regards to the ministry of Young Life.


• Be yourself! Teens rather see&be with who you really are, not the super-hero-kind-of-leader/save-the-day-and-everyone person, but who you really are.


• Pray: Prayer is a very valuable asset and it is a thing that should not be a last resort method, but a first! From a personal perspective, I enjoy praying to my Father in Heaven, and there are times where the teens share some things that they'd like to have prayed for (though not always mentioned as such, but still...) and it's a good idea to pray for those things and follow up with the teens in regards to those prayer requests as they were.


• Read the Bible and seek Godly advice: This may seem like a duh statement, but sometimes even I get sidelined in these areas. I'm getting better at it, and it has been very beneficial to my life.


• For those you work along side with, be REAL with them! My site supervisor is amazing at doing this, even though at times he is in tears because it tears at his heart, I... I'm glad to be working underneath someone who is intimate to us leaders on such a level.
  

  ---

  
  
  
  I hope you who are reading this (whether you're involved with Young Life or not) enjoyed it; not for my honor and glory, but God's. Carry on the good work that is set before you and may God bless you richly.
  
  Going on by God's strength alone,
  Nathanael

Okay...So I'm kind of borrowing this idea from my friend Romanos, in which He (a Greek Orthodox) put together a synopsis of sorts of his patron saints name. I'm doing this because it it All Saints Day and instead of waiting till 'his day' (August 24th) of sorts, I've decided to do it because it is ASD. Enjoy!

Βαρθολομαίος = Bartholomew/Nathanael



From what I know about St. Nathanael, I don't know much besides what I've read in the Bible (so it's expanded via www.wikipedia.com)

Nathanael was one of Jesus' disciples, he was the one who questioned if the Messiah had really come, when his good friend Philip came to tell him the good news. When approaching Jesus, Jesus told Nathanael the scenario he was in prior to coming to him, this caused Nathanael to believe that Jesus was the Messiah and that the Messiah had come.
From Wikipedia: "Tradition has it that after the ascension, Bartholomew went on a missionary tour to India, where he left behind a copy of the Gospel of Matthew.

Bartholomew, along with Saint Jude Thaddeus is reputed to have brought the new religion of Christianity to Armenia in the 1st century. Thus the Armenian Church is called the Armenian "Apostolic" Church, as both saints are considered to be the patron saints of the Armenian Apostolic Church.

In works of art he is often represented with a large knife, or, as in Michelangelo's Last Judgment, with his own skin (Michaelangelo's) hanging over his arm, tradition holds that in Armenia he was flayed alive and then crucified with his head upside down. This fate has led to him being adopted as the patron saint of tanners."

Yes, the one who I share a name with suffered for the name of Christ, suffered in a very painful way. I don't know if I will ever suffer for the name of Christ in such a way, but if so, I am willing to suffer for what I believe as a follower of Christ. He who suffered for me before I knew him, before I was born, before the foundation of the world... I would be His.

n:v:-11/1/2006

When Worlds Collide:

I believe that on more that a once-in-a-lifetime event, the physical realm and the spiritual realm collide.
I write this on Halloween, a holiday that divides a lot of people and a lot of Christians. Some people see it as a meaningless thing, a day/night where people give out candy to kids...

But for me and some Christians,
Halloween is Satan's Holiday; where (perhaps) the dark side of the spiritual realm is stirred even more so, in which the Satan, demons, other fallen creatures revel in this day that pays homage to their darkness. While some people might disagree with me, I don't mind, but since I have see the colliding of both realms, I do not wish to 'go out and have a good time getting candy', so I've decided to write a little bit from my experiences with the spiritual manifested into the physical.

---

My first rememberance of the spiritual manifested in the physical was when I was younger at the Brookfield Zoo. I was with my sisters and Mom and I was at the lion's cage and I was reciting the Bible verse (1 Peter 5:8) "Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." As I was quoting this verse, this woman was getting very pissed off at me, in which she glared at me and when I looked back into her eyes, they were not the eyes of a human, but of a demon...

I don't know if she was demon possessed, but the look I received was not from human eyes...

On occasion, I've avoided some places because it has felt laden with demonic activity - whether seen or unseen - sometimes it is a physical feeling, and sometimes it is a in-the-spirit kind of thing...

The last time that I was disturbed by the dark side of the spiritual realm was the other day in which I was clear-headed and I was just praying, but someTHING did not like it... again, this was a in-the-spirit kind of event, but there are times where the attack or whatever form of disturbance takes on a physical nature.
I must admit, there are times that I am scared and just disturbed by the whole event, in which I usually rebuke the darkness (as it were) in the name of Jesus.

So for those of you who read this and you are Christians who celebrate Halloween, that's your own prerogative, but for me... I won't be the person going out in costume getting candy, I may get it after Halloween in the store when it's on sale, but that's about it.

I'm saying this is my finite decision for Halloween, say when I'm married and my kids want to go to a Halloween Party or something of that nature, I don't mind having them dress up for it. Yet for now... Yeah, I've said enough.

Take care and God bless,
{nv}

Christian Beaten by Muslims for "Polluting" a Public Drinking Glass Brought to you by The Voice of Martyrs

Nasir Ashraf Nasir Ashraf, a Christian stone mason, was brutally attacked by militant Muslims just outside Lahore. While working on the construction of a room at a school near Manga Mandi in Pakistan, Nasir took a break after becoming thirsty. He drew water and drank from a glass chained to a cemented public water tank next to a mosque, which was reserved for "all" poor people. Returning to the construction site, a Muslim man asked him, "Why did you drink water from this glass since you are a Christian?" The man accused Nasir of polluting the glass. The Muslim man yanked the glass off the iron chain, broke it and threw it in a garbage can. The man summoned other militant Muslims to the scene, furiously saying, "This Christian polluted our glass." Hearing this, the incensed mob began beating Nasir, yelling that a Christian dog drank water from their glass. The militant Muslims encouraged bystanders to beat Nasir because it would be a "good" deed that would benefit them in heaven. The attackers pushed Nasir off a ledge onto the ground. The impact of the fall dislocated his shoulder and broke his collar bone in two places. This knocked Nasir unconscious and he did not regain his senses until he reached a clinic. A doctor told Nasir that some people had brought him there. Here's the thing, by no means am I apathetic to this man's plight for being a follower of Christ, but regardless to the pain that has been inflicted upon him, Jesus said this would happen... The organization that covered this story is Voice of the Martyrs in which they're helpers, aid givers, Bible writers, smugglers (in God's name - Bible, supplies, etc.) and a few other things. Sometimes they ask readers to write for them, I really haven't done anything significant besides repost things like this as well as writing about the various forms of persecution that is taking place around the world. Several years back (2001-2002) I considered doing an internship at their headquarters in Oklahoma, but my parents really didn't want me to help out, with their why-do-if-you're-not-getting-paid spiel, it's not as bad as it sounds, but still- I don't mind working at something without being paid; tho not as a life career! I want to go and serve and be/do and make a difference, and sometimes that takes place in a setting where the basic amenities are covered without a salary. Back to Nasir's abuse: God has blessed him on multiple levels, for one, he's still alive. Yet at the same time his life will always be in Jeopardy- maybe not in the form of physical attacks, but spiritual: Satan does not like losing, and as a result he sends his demons to maim, wound, hurt, break down (yet he cannot destroy) those who are followers of Christ. To my brothers and sisters in Christ, fear not and take heart- may we pass through the fire, may the dross be removed and may we be purified by The Alchemist. In time...In time. [n][v]

Lately I have been running around, been rather busy, been involved with Young Life and all the while I've been acting like a chicken with it's head cut off. But God has been speaking to me, he's been subconsciously been telling me to breathe...

*breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...*

The cycle is repetitive, but I'm not catching my breath and sometimes there's not enough of oxygen and I pass out... figuratively speaking of course. But it is true, I've become too busy for my own good and sometimes I suffer the consequences - that is, sometimes it piles up deeper and heavier, and I must climb out of the mire, I must climb out of the pit...

but this is how I do it, how I do anything for that matter: source I do it with God's strength:

What does this look like? I have yet to see the teleological implications completed, but what I do know is that every breath I take is a gift from God, every day I'm alive is a gift from God. His breath, his strength is my breath and my strength - I cannot carry on living as if I were in control, as if I were the master of my own life...

So breathe good friends/readers/etc. - Breathe because God is the giver of breath, the giver of every good gift.

[n][v]

So to make a quick post before I catch up where I can in homework-

I was on a Young Life leaders weekend/retreat, it was a trying and painful experience at times; just being real and vulnerable with those who have become my second family...



I've been crying a bit more than I usually do, and it's because of what God's been doing in my life (good things) and just the first family scene.

I love my fellow Young Life leaders,
I really do-
I like being honest and open and truthful to those I trust.
I love it when Bethany asks me questions me about the opposite sex, and when others do as well; it's like talking to an older sister, someone who has a listening/caring ear+heart (I love to hear her laugh as well, it's beautiful).

More to come after the jump!
[n][v]

Well... My Fall break was bittersweet...

I made plans and some fell through, but for what remained...meh, it was bittersweet.

The highlights of my break were:

~ Going out to NIU to hang out with Sonia, which lead into hanging out with Drew as well. I miss those people, they have been some of the people I miss the most from Waubonsee, back in the day when we were all there. In different classes, in different groups... I miss my old school for the friends I made, the classes I took (for the most part), the groups I was involved with... Those were a good two years.

~ Hanging out with the fam. - though I didn't see everyone (I will not explain via blogging), it was good, and yet some things hang over our heads and... Well, I won't say what I'm going through, just keep my family and I in your prayers...

~ Hanging out/Bible study with B-Bard and J-Nix: Two awesome guys from my church, two guys who I like to hang out with and have a good time and a Bible study. (what could be sweeter?) We had a good time, and yet as I like SexyBack they overplayed it in my ride, and now...the song has lost its luster and it sounds dreadful to me. (Thanks a lot B-Bard!!! Soft music my...foot!)

In all, I'm still tired and I'm a bit behind in my homework (so I really shouldn't be blogging! )

Oh well, back to the homework...

~nv~

p.s. I have a cellphone now, and if you'd like to reach me...ask and you shall receive, unless you're a stalker...nix stalkers and my number.

As a writer, I've recently hit a rut in my writing style; I've been styling my writing in a similar vibe of three authors in particular - C.S. Lewis for the theological impact, and for usage of metaphors. Gabrielle Garcia Marquez (sp?) for the odd, almost bizzare style that changes all the time and yet remains the same. Hunter S. Thompson for the gonzo style of writing...

But as I write, I'm becoming angry with who I was back then; some of it remains the same, but the vices I had back then, the pent up kick-everyone-in-the-face anger, it no longer exists.
Sure, I get angry, but my anger no longer consumes all of me, it comes and it goes, but it isn't something that wants to maim and destroy- I get angry out of frustration on a personal level for the most part, not getting something whether in school or elsewhere, I get angry at me.
***
I'm a writer at heart, and while I don't write as much as I used to, I still like brief breaths/pauses in the day in which I can write a little.
(Blogging can be writing, but when I write, I write for myself and for an intended audience that's not present in the blogging world.)
[n][v]

God has been good to me...

And lately it has been two things in my life; friends and attitude.
Friends: I have a lot of acquaintances here and there, but God has really put some wonderful people in my life I can call my friends; people who listen/talk/dialogue with me, but have a good time as well. This last weekend I went test driving Lexuses/Lexsi(?) with Alicia, Jeremy and Jeff. Jeff has been a really cool upperclassman/big brother to me in more than ways consisting of fun - he's been a mentor, prayer partner, listener/talker/aider, etc... He's truly an amazing guy... And I've only known him for 1 school year!

Attitude: I have not been a downer type of person my entire life, I realize (with hindsight) that I've been acting too much of a realist/pessimist, and because of it, my life has been in the shadows...kind of. God has been changing me (always has, always will) and I have been rather bright and cheeful lately; no, it's not prescribed drugs, it's God!
Yes, my life is rough, rougher in some areas more than ever, but God is good.
I've been practicing how to hesychía, which, according to my Elder in the Faith has shared with me that it's a prayer of the heart out to God, in a repetitive form. One way Romanós mentioned that it can be done is by repeating "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner" - and I will practice in that fashion soon.


~Take care and God bless!~
[n][v]

So...where was I?

Oh, this week.

The major aspects of this week were Jello Olympics, homework, AIDS in Africa and...well...that's all I can recall, all others things are unimportant (just kidding).

The Jello Olympics is the kick off for the Young Life I'm a part of. In retrospect, one year ago (rather close to the date) I started working at Young Life, and when the Jello Olympics took place, I was very hesitant to get involved - Jello wise - so my friend and former classmate from Spanish Class at Waubonsee (this is how he introduces me, odd...but that's Aaron's style.)Aaron and I talk and comment, but avoid the Jello, except to randomly throw chunks at each other, but nothing too intense... This year, Aaron and I ranked with the best of them! We were covered quite thoroughly and a particular Young Life teen had her eye on me... in which I got Jello in my eyes, mouth, ears...*sigh* How fun, but done on purpose.
There were also tarps that we made into giant slip and slides and we belly surfed, foot surfed, etc. on them! The girl wanted to race me standing up, but by the end of it, we were both sliding, but not in a standing position.
It was a lot of fun, but since it was a cold night, I was not only covered in Jello, but I was cold AND covered in Jello. I am blessed by God to be part of this ministry, I plan on being there for a while...

AIDS in Africa:

I have been bombarded in some ways in regards to the AIDS issue in Africa, but I have been bombarded in a good way. It started last Saturday at Willow Creek and then they discussed in Chapel on Monday.
As I mentioned before, I believe that I can do something, and the room mates want to do something as well... So, while I have yet to drop my classes and board a plane to Africa, I've given it some thought and some prayer; I don't know what lies ahead, but next summer... just thinking, I even know people who could support me by way of $$$ - that which I don't have. I really don't know what'll happen next in regards to this and me, but regardless, it is in God's hands...

Homework:

I have been rather busy with homework, that which I have put off and picked back up before the axe strikes.
I am finding out that I have more to do than I realize, so nights will become longer (*groan*) and possibly earlier mornings... I'm tired and spent in some ways, but it is what's needed to be done. God has also shown to me that I can work steadily, if undistracted and motivated; I set too many distractions in my way sometimes, but I am motivated to do well... I need to do well, for God (number 1) and then for me (number 2) and family (a distant and still a factor in my life- 3).

***

It's homecoming weekend, perhaps I'll write something else...later.

n[]v

Tonight the roommates (Justin+Herbie) and I went to Willow Creek to hear/watch a video in which Bill Hybels interviewed Bono of U2. It was more than just interesting to hear Bono speak about social justice and what we as followers of Christ should do, it was convicting. The roomies and I on the way back and over dinner talked/discussed what we could do. We haven't come to a decision, but we realize that our strengths (physical) and desire (God's) combined, we can actually do something instead of just praying about it.
Yes, prayer is a big part of it, but we can do something with our hands and feet - to go, to be stretched, to be contorted in ways we never new possible, all for the glory of God.

So what next? Well... we don't know, but I brought up next summer... I just hope this goes somewhere instead of just letting it slip by, I hope it happens soon!

Dear God,
Thank you for Bono and Hybels message tonight,
It struck a chord with me,
One that wants to help and aid and bring hope and love to others,
I know you're there already,
Help my roommates and I get there ourselves.
Help us,
Mold us,
Guide us and teach us your ways,
We love you,
We want to make a difference - unto your glory and not ours,
In your precious name I pray,
Amen.

[n][v]

Prayer;
what is it?
Prayer is talking/communicating with God.
But, I wonder,
is that all that prayer is or it can be?

When I think about prayer, I don't limit it to only talking to God, but to the various things I'm good at - that becomes my prayer, that becomes my worship unto God.

A child's prayer,
I heard a child pray not to long ago; he prayed for the tangible, abstract, the mundane - but then he prayed for his mommy and daddy, all his friends... It was beautiful. I am certain without any doubt, that God heard his prayers before he mentioned his family and friends.
God hears our all our prayers; the sacred and mundane, the truth and the trivial, every prayer offered up to him gets heard and answered.
The answer might not be the one we expected, it might be no, wait or yes - God hears all his prayers...

I have been thinking lately about prayer and I wonder - what about prayers offered up to God by those who don't know him? For example, several of my Muslims pray for me and I for them, and I wonder... Do the prayers of the Muslims reach my Father's ears? I think he does hear the prayers of the Muslim, the Buddhist, the Hindu, etc... Because if we can pray for the mundane things in our lives, would not the prayers of someone who isn't a follower of Christ be heard as well?

I'll have to pray about this
(no pun intended)

Last, but not least,
I wonder this; followers of Christ are called to pray for others, but when does the line cross and move into doing something instead of praying about something? Prayer is very valuable, but when do we stop praying (but not entirely) and do/be something more?

***

I think I will see how I can not only pray for someone, but act out as a follower of Christ who is not caught up in the 'Christian Bubble' and go, do and be.

oh my Father in Heaven,
thank you for hearing my prayers,
and the prayers of children,
and the prayers of the childless,
and the prayers of those who don't know you.
Make us who are yours
more like you,
shape us in the image of your Son,
teach us in all your ways,
show us how to love others as we'd like to be loved,
in your precious name I pray,
AMEN.

n:v - 2006©

Still having a series of good days in a way that's not narcissistic,
however...

One of the newest friends I've made on campus has been going through some rough times and the world is making her close up... She talked briefly to me on my way to the cafeteria and her to her class or something, it makes me sad to know that she's going through a rough time...

I offer this question,
a hypotheical one, but still-

I can only speak from my own experiences, and it's that I've learned a lot as a result of hindsight: some of it has been resolved and some of it will have to wait for when I get to Heaven and I ask God... Why? I don't have as many WHY questions as I once did, but that's because I've made sense of it by hindsight.

I'm sorry Jennifer,
but... What can I say to you to let you know I've been there too?
Besides prayer, what action can I take to help you out?

I want to be your friend,
I want to be more than a hi/bye friend,
I want to do more than skim the surface...

If you're reading this,
let me know...okay?


***

[n][v]

Two things... that's all.

1) Movie with Barb and Fansong:

Last night I saw this movie with Barb and Fansong

(Little Miss Sunshine)

It was nihilistic, narcissistic, anarchistic, demented, twisted, psychotic...
but it was very funny and good!

The movie is good, so go see it! I'll give a review later.


2) Prayer request:

I checked out a church today with some Judsonites and it seems legit, but there was a guy who's running the college group seems a bit, well... just read this:

Jesus is the Way*

Yeah, Jesus is the Way asterisk; there may be an opportunity for the college students in the church to visit some Buddhist temples, Islamic mosques, Jewish synagogues and other places of worship for the sake of learning about the religion and partaking in worship, but from the perspective of a Christian. This guy went on to say that the following week would be discussion based, and it might be a time in which the college students might find that they identify more with that particular faith... What? That's what I thought to myself, he then went on to say something like well it's not like we know for certain that we're (Christians) are the right ones, who knows? We might actually be wrong.

Yeah, so I have some guff against this church already, but just pray for the following:

I need prayer for spiritual discernment;
I'd like to get involved with the church instead of coming on Sunday morning, worshiping and praying, taking sermon notes and then leaving.

But if this is what the person believes, and I help out or something like that, I want to either help out this guy in his walk (he's my parents age) or perhaps not even be involved. I'm not trying to find the negative in him, but if you're not helping, you're hindering. Even my Buddhist, Islamic, Jewish, etc. friends know what I stand for, and if they don't know what you stand for, there's room to backslide...which shouldn't occur. Know what you believe and make sure others know what you believe, just don't shove the Gospel down their throat - make your ministry relational, make what you believe relational...

That's all for now,

[]n[]v[]

Not in the narcisstic meaning/implication...

But I feel HAPPY.

I don't know all the catalysts to my happiness, but yesterday-

Well, first things first,
I had a photoshoot the other day, in which I took some photos of the wooded area across the way from Judson College. It was relaxing to be in the great outdoors even if it's just a small park across from school...

It was very beautiful+placid,
I love the outdoors and feel close[r] to God such places.

I then went to St. Sophia's Greek Orthodox Church because I wanted to see if I could take some pictures of their sanctuary - which is beautiful and full of icons and other Orthodox items...

Well,
I got the cold shoulder from one of the church leaders, he questioned what my intent of taking photos, and I told him I'm just a freelance photographer and he didn't believe me.

I was kind of irked, but I'm over it now. (I wonder, what credentials do you need when you're a freelance photographer?)

I went back to my dorm after that to do some studying, and at around 6:45 I left for St. Charles East for a football game... Long story short; it was one of the best football games I've been to, the Saints spanked the other team!

Anyway,
another catalyst to my happiness is that I hung out with Jeff Maulding, Alicia, Melissa and Kevin; I came in near the end of Groundhog's Day and I stayed around because I love that movie. It was after the movie that I layed some truth and happenings in my life, he looked me in the eye with his smile and gave me the look of hang-in-there,-God's-watching-over-you and then he hugged me and then we parted ways.

Jeff Maulding, is one of the most amazing/greatest people I've met ever; sure I've only known him during the school year and for one year at that, but God has put amazing people in my direction out here.

And my plans are a bit delayed;
It won't be this week, but in time...hopefully.

But I am Happy because I'm believing and trusting God...100 percent; I've believed and trusted in God, but I haven't given him my all, and for the first time, I'm doing it.

I feel happy to my core,
Happy from my head to my feet...

*smile*

God is good, all the time,
All the time, God is good.

[n][v]

The bad post...

Well...

There's a downside to this story; not that this overflows too much into today, but, just read on...

After finding out that Jeffrey was on the first plane, my life went into a dark and downward spiral; I already was depressed and lonely at times, but I soon became more of both.

I did some things in that time frame that I am not proud about, I did things that I will never do again and it's by God's grace that he brought me this far...

My mind started running with the question as I tried to sleep, is Jeff in Heaven or is he in Hell? This question kept tearing at me, kept haunting me and I was an insomniac for 5 to 6 months.
It all changed dramatically when I went on a winter retreat in February and on the last night I was bombarded by too much media in regards to 9/11; the Towers, Pentagon, etc... It was flipping nuts! It was in that instant that I broke down hard. I proceeded to cry my heart out to God for the next 2-3 hours, in which I just kept on crying and feeling the pain of losing a friend such as Jeffrey.

God met me where I was and he healed me...

Now I will give you the reality of then and now;
I still hurt when I see 9/11 footage and I also get aches and pains that affect my body, like stabs that happen. It's usually on this day that I'm probably most down, I might smile, but if I do that, there's a 50/50 chance that it might be a facade.

Today I told some people what I was going through, and guess what? They cared and said they'd pray for me! I'm happy because of those folks who had a kind heart to hear about some of my story in regards to 9/11.

I am no longer depressed and lonely in regards to 9/11,
I still hurt and I just wanted to throw my tray of food at the wall in the cafeteria just because my mind was looping Fire and Rain by James Taylor to the music video of Best Day by Carpark North and I wanted to just let emotions run amok, this was a very short lived idea...

Later on tonight I will be sharing some of my story with the Young Lifers I know, I may cry and I might not, but God has used this day for more good than bad.

[n][v]

The bad post...

Well...

There's a downside to this story; not that this overflows too much into today, but, just read on...

After finding out that Jeffrey was on the first plane, my life went into a dark and downward spiral; I already was depressed and lonely at times, but I soon became more of both.

I did some things in that time frame that I am not proud about, I did things that I will never do again and it's by God's grace that he brought me this far...

My mind started running with the question as I tried to sleep, is Jeff in Heaven or is he in Hell? This question kept tearing at me, kept haunting me and I was an insomniac for 5 to 6 months.
It all changed dramatically when I went on a winter retreat in February and on the last night I was bombarded by too much media in regards to 9/11; the Towers, Pentagon, etc... It was flipping nuts! It was in that instant that I broke down hard. I proceeded to cry my heart out to God for the next 2-3 hours, in which I just kept on crying and feeling the pain of losing a friend such as Jeffrey.

God met me where I was and he healed me...

Now I will give you the reality of then and now;
I still hurt when I see 9/11 footage and I also get aches and pains that affect my body, like stabs that happen. It's usually on this day that I'm probably most down, I might smile, but if I do that, there's a 50/50 chance that it might be a facade.

Today I told some people what I was going through, and guess what? They cared and said they'd pray for me! I'm happy because of those folks who had a kind heart to hear about some of my story in regards to 9/11.

I am no longer depressed and lonely in regards to 9/11,
I still hurt and I just wanted to throw my tray of food at the wall in the cafeteria just because my mind was looping Fire and Rain by James Taylor to the music video of Best Day by Carpark North and I wanted to just let emotions run amok, this was a very short lived idea...

Later on tonight I will be sharing some of my story with the Young Lifers I know, I may cry and I might not, but God has used this day for more good than bad.

[n][v]

The better post...

9/11/01,
I remember every event, every detail, every tear I shed.

It started out with me doing my schoolwork (I was homeschooled) and I was just doing my English work when I heard on the radio that a small plane accidentally hit one of the Trade Towers in New York. I stopped a bit, thinking how odd to myself...

But as that day unfolded,
and the days unfolded, it happened to be a heck of a lot more.

You should know all the details, so I won't get into that...

But what I found out while working that Saturday shook me to the very core:

Jeffrey Collman

a former neighbor's grandson, was aboard the first plane, the 'small plane' that was mentioned on the radio.

I kept my composure,
I didn't want to cry/etc. while working and so I kept it to myself until I got home.

I shared the news with the family, some remembered who he was and some didn't, but I certainly remembered him... He used to visit his grandmother who lived across from us in my old neighborhood, and if he had time he'd visit my mother+sisters+I. He was a kind person who was friendly. Although I was young at the time, I remember his kindness.

I had a rough life as it was already, but this news was the straw that broke my back...

God used this day in a remarkable way in regards to my life, walk with God, etc.

And that's where the better post ends...

The pain of retrospect: 5 years later...

So I am going to blog twice today about 9/11 and what it means to me.
There's going to be a bad post and there's going to be a good better post.

Why two you may ask,
I have to write two because there's two sides of the story for me,
two different, but at the same time, connected elements.

Why bad and why better?
Bad = because I'm human, I'm not angry at God, but this day stabs at who I am.
Better = It's not good. Frankly, this day has been better in a lot of ways, but because of what this day means to me, it isn't exactly good.

enjoy!
[n][v]

Grace...
This day has been tampered by God's grace and others.

I don't mind grace,
I don't even deserve grace from God and others, but
it is give to me time and time again.

*********
*PRAYER*
*********

It was nice to be prayed for by my fellow leaders + friends from Young Life tonight,
I mean, I'm going through some rough times and I am coming to a point where I'm finally real with those whom I trust. Not everyone is going to hear how crappy life is sometimes to me, but for those who I trust, I'm ready to drop the facade and be vulnerable to them. It's also been nice that they've done the same thing to me...

I've hated this mask I've been calling myself for the longest time,
I'm glad that God is working within me to change for the better...

And in other news,
the Crocodile Hunter has passed away
Pray for the family/friends/etc. that he leaves behind.

And the highest thing on ebay in reference to him is currently going for $1,551.76 and has 48 bids on it so far. It's a poster that was autographed by him... I think it's horrible when people try to make a quick buck when someone dies... What's this world coming to? Oh yeah, the end...

{NV}

*sigh*

It's been a long day, a very long day.

Some things have been screwed up along the way, and as a result, it's been tough.

I don't want to get into details, but, if you would pray for me, I'd really appreciate it. I'm praying to God and leaving it all in His hands, I have faith in Him that it'll be over soon, but a part of me is very anxious and I don't need any more anxioty in my life.

I'm starting to get what it means to have faith like a child,
and...well... It leaves me authentic, vulnerable and childlike to God
and I love every moment of it.

{NV}

my body is tired and it feels wornout;

I'm not a shell of a man, but at times I feel hollow.

sleep...glorious sleep,
that which I lack,
that which I want,
that which I desire.

But I desire God more than anything this life has to offer
and as a result
I can go without sleep
I can go without food
I can go without a lot of things.

God is my sustainer,
and all else is trivial

and yet in my selfish human desires
I want more sometimes...

I'm a work in progress!

<N*V>

prayer...

Prayer To me, it is more than just talking to my Father in Heaven-
It is keeping in touch (from my side of things) to Him who is the maker of all.
***
As far as I can remember, prayer was something that I did to talk to God (amongst other things) and even though I prayed to God out of desperation it was never a 'when-all-else-fails' scenario.

Prayer to God should not be the last thing to do, but the first thing to do...

I have a few prayer requests, some of them are mine and some are other people's:

*Logan - You know who I'm talking about Judsonites. Well, I found out via facebook that Jenny and him broke up, and he has kind of turned his back on God. These were the words of his former girlfriend Jenny, in which I sense the pain she/they're obviously going through, keep him in your prayers.

*Jenny - Logan's former girlfriend; pray that God heals the pain that she's going through, and for such things as I mentioned above.

*The Persecuted + Underground Church - Pray for those who suffer for the name of Christ, there are a lot of places out there, a lot of brothers and sisters in Christ who are persecuted.

*My family - we're a bunch of ragamuffins (if you've read Ragamuffin Gospel, awesome!) and we need grace - from one to another and from God. God's grace is there, but sometimes we don't cut each other slack.

*Young Life - Pray that God uses us (St. Charles, and Geneva...I guess.) who are leaders to lead the teens and to grow deeper/purposeful/better relationships. May this be a semester where they come and learn and change - Unto His glory and not ours...

Thank ya verrrry much,
[n][v]

Random misfirings of my brain:

This is not a senseless, random blogpost,
but rather-
Life has a way of unraveling upon itself.

Enjoy!

Well,
I hate second-hand news, but I am willing to hear it, on occasion-
But... I found out the other day that my friend from school/Young Life/etc. is now engaged to his girlfriend! Wow! The problem is, his/our friends informed me and it wasn't him sharing the good news. He wasn't there and so I heard it this way, which is not his fault, but I am a bit irked at finding out second-hand.

Marriage,
I have yet to find her
I'm still waiting on God,
but...
I know too many people who are soon to get married,
in which not even being at that point can be frustrating at times...
But as I said, God's timing and not mine.

***

Back to the grindstone!
[n][v]

*sigh*

a part of me is behind in one class homework wise,
and one part of me wants to write blog.

life is good,
but only because God makes it so.
I'm tired and weak,
but God gives me the strength to go on.

And...Well...
I'm not giving up on various family members,
I'm not giving up on the task ahead
And as I've read in the Ragamuffin Gospel I am not deserving of grace,
but God gives it to me regardless of what I've done and where I've been these last 22 years of life.

I'm finally accepting (I got it a long time ago) that I can come to God
"just as I am..."
I've been pushed down with theology of 'one must come to God in better condition, and not in a fallen state'. I've also getting over that 'God loves good people' in which I am not, but that's okay, God loves bad people too.

I'm a bad person because of my flaws, my inherited sinful nature (thanks Adam and Eve! ), etc... But God accepts me and forgives me, I'm a broken vessel and God is putting the pieces back together.

And for the last thing, and yet not related-

Question: Is common sense not that common?

[n][v]

p.s. I'd like responses if you wouldn't mind...

I just found out that my sister Abbey had a soccer ball that was kicked in her eye last night and she has torn her retina and/or her iris...

Sheesh, I'm concerned as an older brother.

Please pray for her if you would.

Thanks,
[n][v]

somethings for you the reader to do if you would...

1. Pray for guidance and direction for the following
2. Read Matthew 26:11
3. Read Matthew 25:44-45
4. Check out these photographs by a person who goes by the moniker Stoneth

***

After viewing them myself for the first time last night,
I was saddened for the people present,
Reflective on where I am, what I have been given and so on and so forth.
Gripping might be the word to describe it,
but to me it speaks at a noise that is louder than thoughts and more intimate than words...

I am not poor by any means,
I used to be on a technical level much different that what these people are experiencing, but what sticks to me through all this is - What can I do?

A part of me really wants to get out this comfortable life that I am in
and
to get out on the streets and experience this kind of poverty,
to find God at the lowest place I can think of.

Because think of this:
A little light in a dark room no longer makes the room as dark,
it is brighter, way brighter when there was no light at all.

***

So at this time, I may not step out of this comfort zone,
but one day... One day I very well might.

[n][v]

Pursuit:
By God to me,
By Others to me,
By Me to others...

But, first a bit of a true metaphorical story chock full of goodness.

I was driving back on Monday from my hometown back to school for the second time, and as I was driving along, this girl in a Mitsubishi Galant gives me the look. Not the look of I-want-your-telephone-number but the one of what-can-your-car-do look. She takes off to go the speed limit and a little over, so I follow her a bit behind her.

She drops back and gives me the look again, as if to say-
"So what are you waiting for?"
In which this time I pursue her and keep up with her for 30 minutes, not miles.
She smiles now and then, as if to make it known that I'm doing okay.

At the light prior to the light at Wal-Mart in Elgin, she turns and that ends our pursuit of one another.

One of the ways pursuit is defined is
"an effort to secure or attain."
And I can say with confidence, that I am out to pursue others, in particular people I have left on the wayside of life, people I have not given up on, but still haven't given them their rightful amount.

I'm being pursued by God as well;
God is challenging me, stretching me, tearing me apart and putting me back together.
It's a painful process, but I am willing to be broken down and brought back up again.

Are you being pursued by God?
Are you pursuing others?

just something to think about.

[n][v]

"And Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.'"(John 6:35)


Prayers for August 22, 2006
From The Voice of the Martyrs


INDIA (VOM Canada)
On the night of August 5th, more than 50 Hindu militants stormed the House of Hope orphanage in Dantewara, Chhattisgarh state, in an attempt to forcibly close it. According to sources, the mob was armed with clubs and bamboo sticks. They beat the director, Suresh (35), and threatened to kill him if he continues with the orphanage. They also questioned and threatened several of the children. Suresh is presently in treatment for his injuries. Efforts to lodge a police complaint have failed.

(Compass Direct)
Hindu extremists have threatened four Christian women accused of "forced" conversion in Tamil Nadu state, while two priests of a Catholic high school in neighboring Karnataka state have been attacked. August 5th police led a team of four women from the Good Shepherd Community Church in Erode district of Tamil Nadu to reach a compromise agreement with the person who had accused them of forced conversion. The women had shown a Christian film to about 150 people without incident. Under the agreement, the women are not to preach Christ to anyone who objects or expresses unwillingness to listen. Earlier, in Hebbagodi, near Bangalore, Father Soby Thomas, vice-principal of St. Francis de Sales High School, and school administrator Father Vinod Kanat, were attacked with cricket bats by a group of about 20 people outside the hostel for poor students at Kammasandra.

(Compass Direct)
August 14th, when Vinod Karsal, pastor at the Assembly of God Church in Jabalpur, visited another pastor to pray for him, a mob of 45 to 50 people gathered outside the house, and began shouting anti-Christian chants and broke in. Unable to find the Bible the pastors had hidden, the Hindu extremists planted gospel tracts in the glove compartment of Karsal's scooter and police soon arrived to arrest him for "forcible conversion." Police held him until 11:30 p.m., until raging crowds outside the station baying for the pastor had dispersed.

Ask our Father to defend all these faithful believers who want to please Him. Pray the perpetrators of these crimes will know Christ's love, forgiveness and blessing through the lives of the Christians. Pray God will heal all injured in mind and body, blessing them through their suffering with His strength.


IRAQ (Compass Direct)
On August 17th, Iraqi church leaders issued appeals today for the release of a Chaldean Catholic priest kidnapped the day before in Southeast Baghdad. Chaldean Archbishop of Kirkuk Louis Sako said Father Saad Sirop of St. Jacob parish in Baghdad's Doura district was on his way home from celebrating mass at St. Jacob church at about 6:30 a.m. when his car was stopped by three armed men with masks who forced him into their car. "I think there are two reasons these kidnappings are taking place," Sako told Compass. "The first reason is money. But the second reason is they want to push Christians out of Iraq." Sirop is the second Chaldean Catholic priest to be kidnapped in Baghdad this month. According to Sako, Father Raad Kashan of Baghdad's Battawin district was abducted two weeks before by a group seeking ransom almost two weeks ago. The priest managed to escape after three days in captivity by promising to return to his captors with funds for his release.

Pray Jesus will make Himself known to these priests with a comforting sense of His loving presence. Pray they will be the light of Christ to those around them. Pray God will move in power in Iraq, bringing the message of salvation to many nominal Muslims who live in superstitious fear of Allah.


KYRGYZSTAN (VOM Canada)
July 28th, a church planter and his son were surrounded by a large mob opposed to their ministry in the predominantly Muslim community in Kara Kuldza, Kyrgyzstan. The church planter suffered broken fingers and severe head injuries. Both his home and the building where the church meets were ransacked and all the Christian literature was taken out and burned in the street. The national director for the Bible League in Kyrgyzstan reports that such incidents are not uncommon. Mobs have frequently disrupted worship services and threatened to burn down their homes if the religious activities do not stop. In several locations, the wives of the church planters have been raped when they would not flee.

Pray this church planter will fully recover from his wounds. Ask God to protect him and his family from further attacks. Pray the Holy Spirit will bring many people in Kyrgyzstan to a precious relationship with Jesus.

the pursuit...

At another time, I will go over how I feel pursued by God, others and how I in return pursue others...

But for now, I have homework to attend to.

[n][v]

Somewhere out there

Yeah, a bit of a confession I guess.

Not that I have strayed from what I believe as a follower of Christ or anything else, but I am a rushed human being.
I am glad in a way that school is starting up again, but I would mos def go for another week in Wisconsin, where I just came from, but with my whole family for a change.

I am also kinda on the edge, or edgy as it were; It's due to a lot of things, but I guess it stems from being in an environment that is unstable at times. I'm someone who needs a stable ground to walk on, and when it shakes some, I shake some as well. I am not waivering in anything I believe, but there are more than a few frailities that I've realized about myself for sometime now.

My advice - first to me and then to you all - is this:

1) Listen to God
2)Take it slow sometimes
and
3) Don't be so hurried and worried.

[n][v]

...

On Saturday, my father and I are flying out to Phoenix and then we're driving back in my grandmother's older car.

We plan on making several stops along the way, from what my father has told me, we will be stopping off at Garden of the Gods in Colorado, plus... Littleton.

I'm a little nervous about this part of the trip, due to it being the town of Columbine High School which is where a school shooting took place, but not an ordinary school shooting.

***

more details to come.

start of something good...

This is the camera I bought the other day,
A Canon PowerShot S2 IS.

 

It is a very good camera, here's a photo I took last night...

 

I'm sorry if you are afraid of spiders,
but this was a small spider;

I love the zoom, the video mode, the photo tweaking, etc...

More photos to come!

[n][v]

the narrow road - a bit of a rant and rave

This is Katharine Jefferts Schori,
she has recently been appointed the head bishop of the Episcopalian church in the USA.
She was interviewed by Time Magazine. Amongst the various questions she was asked, she was asked this particular question that has me more than a little irked...

She was asked

Is belief in Jesus the only way to get to heaven?

and her response was

"We who practice the Christian tradition understand him as our vehicle to the divine. But for us to assume that God could not act in other ways is, I think, to put God in an awfully small box."

(source - http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1211587-2,00.html)


These are the reasons why I am ranting and raving about her response:

1) She is leading the Episcopalian church away from the truth - Jesus made it very clear in John 14:6 when He said "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

2) There isn't any other way to God other than His Son Jesus,
there are no multiple roads,
no multiple paths for Hindus, Muslims, Athiests, Jews, Agnostics and etc. There is only one way.

Are you thinking I'm intolerant? Or not respectful of other peoples views? I am respectful, but I will openly state that I am intolerant to such matters and other things. I respect others, but there's a fine line of toleration vs. respect.

So for you who are followers of Christ, and you decide what I've said is not true, go find out for yourself. While you're at it, develop what you know/believe/think/etc. instead of riding the coattails of someone else's views. Because when it comes down to getting to Heaven, it is not about what your parents have believed, it's what you have believed.

"God has no grandchildren"

For those of you who are relgious or of other religions,
please hear what I say and if you wish to challenge what I say, bring it on in the most respectful of ways.

For those of you who are Episcopalian,
I urge you to challenge what you believe, because this is a part of you, these are your views whether you say anything or nothing at all.

That's all I have to say about this,

***nv***

a bittersweet day

Yesterday was a bittersweet day...

I woke up at 3ish in the morning to my father crying; the night before his pet rabbit Laffy-Taffy died, and because of that he cried. Now here's the thing that gets to me, I don't recall the last time my father cried, it's just something he doesn't do... I find that a bit sad in its own right, but the fact that he lost his pet, saddens me as well.

Still, the day was far from over.
My mother's cat died as well; this time it died by being putdown. It wasn't doing so well and so they had to put it down.

So 2 of our family pets died in the same day,
and we're catless...which is kind of weird.

Even though it was payday, it was a bittersweet day-
I guess that was the only sweet part of the day besides going to church last night.

{N}{V}

work...6 weeks running

One thing I know from work experience is that you always leave with more than you did when you first started; I'm talking about experiences...

For me, I have a tangled web of various jobs I have taken, some good and some bad, but still, I have gained experience.

Here's some of the things I've learned from each of the jobs (including my current one) and perhaps you'll learn something.

Cutting Grass - My first job was cutting job for various people, from that job I learned how to cut grass the right way.

Sci-Tech - This was my first 'real' job outside of cutting grass and babysitting; It had all the appearance of a good job, but alas- It was not so. Not only did I get (pardon my french) screwed at the end of my time there, but I also grew very hateful (I am no longer) to my co-workers and people who put on the facade of it being a legitimate place of work. I learned from this job that things aren't always what they seem to be, and to take what happens and make something out of it - preferably something good over bad.

McDonalds - Yes, I the vegetarian once worked at McDonalds! Here too I learned that things aren't what they seem to be. I also learned that Latinos were the majority (people wise) and yet the minority (for what they did there); I learned to be more respectful and helpful to the Latino workers, because the other people did not always help them as well as they could. It was a fun time when we were working at a good pace, but when the crap hit the fan, watch out!
From this job, I learned to share the gospel openly to my co-workers, in which there were several followers of Christ working the same time I was! That was a blessing. I also learned the importance of advancing in education; No offense to my McDonalds co-workers and McDonalds employees everywhere, but no one can support oneself on 6.00 dollars an hour, I feel bad for those people who support more than themselves - if you want to know about McJobs, click here.

Working with Chip - Chip is my neighbor from across the street from where I live; Chip is a young man who has some disabilities, and as a result of his mother's job changing, she needed someone who would stay with him for a couple hours a week. I have never been really uncomfortable with people who have different disabilities and what not, mainly because my parents worked with such people before my sisters and I were born, they had plenty of students, and so I met a lot of them. I worked with Chip for 2 years, and I am greatly blessed by God for this opportunity, not because I followed in my parents path, but because I experienced working with Chip - He taught me a great deal.
I also enjoyed playing basketball and baseball with him, I even saw him play baseball on the team he's a part of. It's a fun time for both the players and the fans.

The Ben/Library on Campus - My first job away from the Aurora area! The reason why I took this job was to make a little $$$ while at Judson College, in which I may need to do again in the Fall, but not necessarily at the Library. I enjoyed this job because I always wanted to have the experience of being a Librarian, since I totally dig Libraries...I'm a big reader, so it comes naturally.
I enjoyed this job because I learned the various methods of shelving, though only one is used at the campus library, it was a fun and unique experience.

Janitorial Services - This is my current job, and I am learning a lot...maybe too much! *wink* Well, this is what I am learning...
I am learning that it is best to do a good job of whatever you do, I do this in my house, but I am learning about how sometimes co-workers will slack off and (pardon my french again) do a half-assed job, and then someone will have to come back and fix the crappy work that has been done - aka ME. I am also learning that I can easily tune out my co-workers (a good thing here) and just pray, 'cause sometimes I really don't care what my co-workers are talking about, it isn't the best of things to talk about...yeah, no comment here. I also know from experience to not be homophobic, nor racist or sexist, but by way of co-workers, I am learning about people who are; It's rather disturbing to hear my co-workers pick on someone because they're a different race or a different sex, what can I say to them? I really don't know, because they seem rather...once again, no comment.


*whew*
That's a lot of typing,
but...I don't mind sharing a bit about my work history.

Take care and God bless,
Nathanael.

Another event happened in my life the other day...

As of 7/7/06 - I have been a Vegetarian for one year! My younger sister Charity has told me that we should celebrate...by eating chicken, *sigh* sisters and their ironic ways.

For me, it hasn't been too difficult with being a vegetarian; I admit that the first 2 1/2 months were kind of a downer, being that I quit eating meat in the summer/barbeque season.
I never did eat much meat previous to being a vegetarian, I didn't eat out much and I didn't like fast food, I ate mostly homemade dishes of chicken.

Although I will continue being a vegetarian for a longer period of time, if I go back to eating meat, I'm going to try the unusual stuff such as:
*Cow Tongue
*Menudo
*Tripe
*Eyes
and
etc...

This may seem sick, but some people eat these things! I even know where to get some of it, but at this time -

I'm still a vegetarian!

Be nice to animals and don't eat them (entirely joking).
[n][v]

a birthday/picture synopsis...

I had and for dessert. I received and from my sisters and parents...

It was a small, but good birthday party of sorts; I just hope I'm able to do something with some friends this weekend coming up. I don't live for the weekends, but I do enjoy them when I hang out with friends.

Thanks so much for the birthday greetings!
I received some from friends local and friends in Israel - so a lot of territory was covered when it came to wishing me a happy birthday... Thanks once again!

[n][v]

dispensing some advice...

Well, today is my 22nd birthday - and I feel like dispensing some advice - so listen/read up! you may learn something yet...

*If you're the praying type, let people know you're praying for them - As someone who does pray and who is prayed for, I find that it is quite encouraging to let the person know that they're being prayed for.

*Maintain a good relationship with your siblings - I wasn't always as close to my sisters as I am these days, and I thank God that I am close to them these days.

*Take educated chances - Some things are worth risking, but make sure it won't fly back in your face.

*If you're young and in love, don't RUSH it! - Taking time to get to know someone can take a long time, and learning to love that person may take even longer - just don't rush it. Let it be like a plant that needs water; don't give it too much or give it too little, give it what it needs to stay alive. I am not implying that you should give less than 100 percent, btw.

*Do not confuse infatuation for love - As someone who threw away love (yet it was infatuation), I still feel the panges of what once a good friendship and yet... I threw it away on account of it being infatuation. 

*Ask questions - I don't always get things the first time, so I ask questions. I don't know anyone who hates when people ask questions about the said subject - so ask away!

*If you're a CHRISTian, learn to love your enemies as Jesus taught - I have many friends, but I also have some enemies. And while I don't associate with them as much as I do with my friends, I still love them in light of God loving me as I am. It can be a little nerve racking at times, loving those who don't show it. Do it because Jesus taught us to do so.

*Step out of your box, step out of your comfort zone - As someone who wants to see more of the world, I'd tell you to get out of your comfort zone and your box. Although I haven't been to any countries outside of Mexico and Canada, I truely was challenged by Mexico, and I can't wait to be challenged again.

And...
more to come, but it's dinner time for my family and I; remember the vegetarian lasagna I showed a while back? That's my birthday dinner! yum!

Take care and God bless,
Nathanael.

some thoughts...

God - Hanging in there with Him, walking and talking to Him and just praying for friends, for enemies, for peace and for change. I feel like a young baby or a koala; that is, I'm clinging on for my safety and refuge - I cling because He is my life and all that I am.

Sleep - I am having a hard time sleeping at night, it comes from being tense and just dealing with life in my family. I may just be an insomniac who shouldn't be - due to work at 6 in the morn. - but maybe I am... Oh well, at least I have time to pray even more so.

Prayer - I am liking my job for this reason only. I tend to work by myself at work, so I seize the opportunity to pray as much as I can.

My Mouth - I am too verbal to my mother and other people who have annoyed me to some degree, as a result, I suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. One of the things I have been praying for is that I shut up before I say something I shouldn't. It works sometimes...sometimes...

Life - It's stressful to be truthful, and sometimes I feel like grabbing my stuff and just hitting the road; But I am trusting and relying on God to get me through. I know I can do it, but sometimes I just need to get out of this body of mine and just go on a vacation...

Conviction - I have been convicted by God by way of the song God's gonna cut you down by Johnny Cash; while I live a decent life, there's always room for improvement - and so, by God's strength alone, I'm changing...again! Everyone is changing in some way or another.

Writing - As of recent, I haven't written anything, but the poetry bug is biting and I have 6 or so in my head, waiting to be pumped out on paper; Sorry to you the reader, the poems are of a sensitive nature and so I will not be publishing them here or anywhere else...

And...that's all I have to say!

Have a Happy 4th of July and a 5th! Due to it being my BIRTHDAY, I recommend having a good day.

[nathanael]

life...

Life,
as it is- or better put,
what I'll say and what I don't.

Guarding my heart and watching what I say, that's been the hardest thing I've been doing recently; Not even my 40 hour job, my work with CHAOS and Young Life has been as hard.

Other things in my life;
1) Prayer
2) Devotions
and
3) Life apart/a part.

Prayer - The good thing about my work is that at times I can tune out my co-workers and other distractions and just pray. I've been praying for friends, their lives and loved ones, the ones who know God and those who do not. I also pray for my own scenario - which is a rough bit of ground to stand on at times, but God is good! (never a cliche phrase of mine.)

Devotions - I'm not doing them as regularly as I'd like to, but when I get a chunk of time in which to do them, I do! It's good times... I'm also plugged into my church and the Russian church, a great blend of styles.

Life apart/ a part - How I cling to my Father in Heaven, and how I pray for my earthly Father.
It's a long climb uphill...

See ya on the flipside,
Nathanael.

in one week...

I am old,

or at least I'll be older by one year in a week.

oh my! 22! I think I found a gray hair! I should work on my 401k plan!

I'm not that worried... it was bound to happen sooner or later.

I'll make a poem about this 22 business,
but work is early in the morning, so... I'm going to bed now.

sheesh, I must be old - going to bed at 10:00, who does that?

So I decided to take up Peter (Youth Pastor of Christian Worship Center) and his advice to get spiritually busy, not boring, this week. I spent a great deal of time in prayer as I worked and I spent some time doing my regular devos... I say this not to brag, but just mentioning how I was spiritually busy...

Well, satan apparently did not like the fact that I was busy in this way and so this is what happened this morning...

I was asleep and dreaming about the future with my wife, son and I, and it was very realistic and visible - dreamwise. In my dream, I was holding my son and talking to him in babytalk and he was smiling.

At that time in the physical world, I physically felt something land on me with a thud, in which it - a demon - stabbed me in the back and in my head, in which he physically paralyzed me and he altered and destroyed my dream.

My dream continued, but to my shock, my son died in my arms and it took on disgusting characteristics, such as horns, demon eyes and triangular teeth. I tried to break free from this attack, but the demon persisted. I then mustered up as much strength as I could at 5 in the morning, and I rebuked the demon in Jesus' name. Then, and only then, did the demon leave.

This happened this morning, satan is trying to attack and break my family apart, he has even gone to my mother to negotiate some things she does for God's kingdom...

Don't ever think that both worlds (physical and spiritual) are apart from one another,
both collide with each other.

Going on by God's strength alone,
Nathanael

(Jesus Loves You in Russian)

One of the places in which I worship besides my home church (Naperville Presbyterian Church) is Church of God in Downers Grove.

Now I have been attending this church for over a year, on and off due to college amongst other things. I was invited by a classmate of mine at Waubonsee, I was intrigued because it was (and still is) predominantly Russian Charismatic.
Now my home church is Presbyterian, and the stigma on the Presbyterians is that there's no swaying, no clapping and such things associated with church of this nature, very true for my church for the most part and because of it, we're known as the "Frozen Chosen."
Back to the Church of God... I haven't much knowledge about Pentacostal and Charismatic churches except for what I've read but never experienced, so when I went to Church of God for the first time, boy was I suprised! They're really big into the gift of talking in tongues, so...yeah...I'm surrounded by people who talk in tongues (but I'm a bit skeptical, later blog post).

I enjoy it greatly!
Not because of the jumpers, the speaking-in-tongue people, or the pastor who delivers great messages. I enjoy it because I connect with God in a way that is outside of my norms and my culture, I'm a white suburanite who loves God, but not in the way that is like this. I admit that because of my mental barriers, I do not jump with the rest of them, I don't know- I don't feel comfortable doing such.

So, if you're the type who like challenges, go to a church sometime in the near future that is different than your usual place of worship, for example - if you're a Baptist, trying going to a Presbyterian... But this is just an example of an extreme case! Just kidding.

Going on by God's strength alone,
***nv***

Serving God with my hands...and knees!

This is in reference to my job,
because I am getting affirmation from my co-workers and from my boss; the good job and pat-on-the-back sort.
Now in my stupid human mind, I've been feeding off of this for a short time! I (in my mind) have been soaking in the glory of doing a good job... God has a way of smacking the proud around, and simply put, he got me to my knees!

Ya see, I was working hard today and yet God was telling me that regardless of what I was doing, I wasn't doing it with a good heart. God nudged me into doing some lowly and on my knees (literally!) work, this was painful and made me feel very guilty of my previous attitude of being better than my co-workers.

All in all,
it was a good day, a good and tiring day, but I'll be taking a nap soon and I'll be able to recover for the same stuff tomorrow.

chao and God bless!
[n][v]