Recap of the Gay Pride Parade

The reason why my three friends and I were at this year's Gay Pride Parade could be summed up in the following quote, which actually is what The Marian Foundation's founder Andrew mindset is as follows; "...it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and it's my job to love. And that's what I'm here doing." (Billy Graham)

Our job wasn't to judge, our judge wasn't to convict, but it was simply to love and share God's love with those we came into contact with. Here's some photos (not mine) of what we were expressing to the people in the parade and those around us:

Well it started with driving into Chicago and parking in the neighborhood of one of the guys from TMF, we arrived...and it started raining! We (my 3 friends and I) weighed out the pro's and con's of the weather, whether we should drive downtown and find a spot there or a parking garage or brave the elements and head over to the red line el, catch it and get off at Addison. We chose the latter.

It started clearing up a little as we headed to the el station, we weren't drenched but we were a bit wet. We actually boarded the right line but headed in the wrong direction! But thankfully with getting off at the next stop and waiting for the next el, it just put us back 5 mins, no worries.

After getting off at Addison we walked down to the IHOP, again we went in the wrong direction (this wasn't our fault) but after getting our bearings we finally met up with TMF. After getting our shirts that say "I'm Sorry" on the front and the website to Andrew's/TMF blog, we headed over to Starbucks.

On our way back from Starbucks our first (of many) conversations with people at the parade started. A lesbian approached us & asked what we were sorry about. I kinda was the leader of my 3 friends, so I shared with the woman that we were sorry for what she might have experienced directly or indirectly from other Christians, that God doesn't love them, that they're worthless or something of that nature. She was kinda taken aback by our apologies, but she sincerely offered up an "I forgive you" to my friends and I, and about that time her partner and a few of their friends met up with her and so she introduced us and what we were sorry about and this too stunned her partner and friends. From there they wanted a group photo, my friends and I but also the woman and her partner and friends! Our photos were taken and with mutual have a good day we made our way back to our spot outside the IHOP with TMF.

***

On a side note, my prayer of that day was "God give me a heart of flesh and nerves of steel", because I didn't know what to expect going to the Gay Pride Parade, I heard rumors from my mom which instilled some doubt and some fear into me.
I don't cope well with doubt and fear at times, but I didn't want this to break me from going to the Gay Pride Parade and bringing the love of God, bringing restoration to individuals who might have had some bad experiences with some very unloving and judgmental Christians...and my prayer was answered many times over at the parade.

***

So my friends, TMF and I watched the parade, and granted the shirt did get mixed signals from those in the parade, and yet for those that "got it" it was amazing (you can read some experiences Nathan from TMF experienced here). For those we interacted with as we walked around, we took the time to address what we were sorry about, I was quite pleased that we all shared from our perspectives (our talks were different and yet shared the same message) and it wasn't met with hostility, but most of the time people offered genuine forgiveness to what we were sorry about.

At the end of the parade there was a guy by the name of June who noticed our shirts and so we conversed with him as to what were sorry about. He "got it" and was happy and forgiving, he was also very loving and he shared how while I was his type he wasn't going to cheat, he did invite ALL of us to his birthday party this weekend coming up and what he said painted a picture to me of what the kingdom of God is like, June said;

"It's not a black thing or a white thing, it's not a gay thing or a straight thing. It's about coming together and having a good time together."

And for me that's the kingdom of God, there isn't segregation or ________'s only, it's for everyone!

I'm glad to have gone and sincerely apologized to those around me, I'm glad to have gone with friends who are sincere about what they believe and take it out to the streets, take it out to where the rubber meets the road because that is where it truly counts.

~Nathanael~

On the eve before the Gay Pride Parade I have a few questions for ya

Just curious.

1) What are your personal thoughts about homosexuality
2) If you are religious, what does your religion have to say about homosexuality
3) If your views about homosexuality conflict with your religious views, why do they?
4) If your views about homosexuality don't conflict with your religious views, why don't they?

I'm interested in this because I know that Christians sit on both sides of the fence on this one, but I want to see what Muslims/Jews/Sikhs/and other religions have to say.

Thanks,
Nathanael

I have an unnamed phobia (maybe)

it's not that I mean to, but I do.

I sometimes (in social settings) depart from the crowds without saying goodbye or see-ya-later to anyone...am I alone in doing this? I don't know where it stems, but I do know the hardest goodbye was the day my fiancee broke up with me, choking on tears as I made my way to her house, choking back the tears as I played with the boys who I called

my sons for the last time, choking on the tears as I left and she closed the door.

She closed the door on what was US, she closed the door on me being a dad, and so much more.

I am over her, I am capable and ready to love and be loved again...

Yet my settings, hmmm...

I could easily pick up a girl for a one night stand or a physical fling, yet I want neither.

I could meet your stereotypical Christian girl in one of the churches I attend or become a regular at a bar and strike up conversations with the ladies around me, but I want neither.

So I will keep on praying with my eyes open, looking for my June, looking for love in right places, not good-enough places.

*sorry for the sidetrack*

Anyways, I do seem to leave without saying goodbye, I don't know where this stems from and I don't know how to break this..any suggestions?

~Nathanael

Gay Pride is on my mind

Well because I and some friends are meeting up with people of The Marin Foundation.  I am excited to go and BE the church to individuals who may have not experienced Christ's love but the church's wrath towards homosexuals, directly or indirectly, and maybe they have experienced Christ's love through the church, but I can't say all or some in this matter.

The word of what I and my friends (including the pastor's son) are doing has spread around my church, and initially I was a little bit hesitant; okay, so what are they going to say about __________? My anxiety was self induced, because when I've open up to my bros and sissies in Christ at The Warehouse, I've received nothing but love and affirmation for what we'll be doing.

*sigh of relief*

Because in some of the church circles I've circled (and since exited) there was a mentality of US vs. THEM, us God fearing, Bible verse memorizing, flannelboard using heterosexuals...against homosexuals, because they surely don't love God because they're "walking in sin", right?

...Right?

...Right?

I never thought that way, I did at one time have Love the sinner hate the sin in my arsenal of things-Christian-guys-steeped-in-the-church say, I shudder when I think I said something as stupid as that.

Well I got better as they say on Monty Python, and in my growing I've gotten to know individuals who are like minded and like hearted as to getting out in the trenches and off their knees in church. It's not so much a battle of us versus them, it's a battle of what we hear versus what we should do. Definitely we should take in God's word, but we should ultimately apply it. It's a shame and a waste to learn and not do, I'm sure God nods his head and sighs when he sees his creation not loving as he loved, not showing mercy to those who are and aren't deserving of mercy.
Perhaps we love others as much as we love God? Perhaps we should love others as much as we love God.

I have learned a lot over my 25 and soon 26 years of life,
and I still have much to learn,
but I truly think that if we love the ones the world (and church at times) loves to hate, this thing of hate will no longer exist, and perhaps we'll make this world a better place. Let love ring loud and strong, let us love with not words or tongue but in action and in truth.

~Nathanael

An open apology to followers of Christ everywhere

I wrote this a while back, but I don't think I ever posted it here...

I am sorry for those times you ask me "how are you doing" and I offer up a "fine" or "good" answer. I, in my cowardice, feel out of place sometimes when you (I'm writing to the whole, so I'm speaking as to the whole) ask me this question because one or more of the following;

1) Do you REALLY care about how I am doing?
2) Do you want the truth or do you want a FINE or GOOD answer?
3) How do I know what I say won't be gossiped about behind my back? Or how do I know it won't be shared and people will look at me with contempt as being "that guy"?

I have been burned by you all time and time again, but my focus isn't so much on you but rather on God. I pray to Him and talk to Him on a daily basis, like it was mentioned in my church today "communication builds relationships", I guess I don't have a relationship with as many of you as I would like...but I am getting there!

Please body of believers in Christ hear my apology, hear that I don't mean to give you the fake shitty answers, it is just a reflex after getting hurt from the past. I'm kinda shy and I'm kinda under the "once bitten twice shy" umbrella though my bites have been more than once, I'm still shy but I still try.

I'm reaching out to you, not all of you, but those of you who pose this question but follow it up with REALLY. I know some of you truly care for me and my welfare and you truly want to know, so I offer a truce and suggestion:

If you ask I will earnestly tell you the truth, but in return I ask that you mean what you're asking, truly mean the words that come out of your mouth as well as your heart. Human beings have the potential to love and destroy with the same mouth, love me, don't destroy me with your callous words, would you want that to be done unto you?

I will be real/authentic, it won't be pink pastel pretty but sometimes it will be rough around the edges and gritty, you have to accept that sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and it isn't good, but you know what? God is.

God is still good in my days where I feel like staying in bed all day,
God is still good when Fuck comes out of my mouth more than Love,
God is still good when I don't hear one encouraging word from another person in a day,
God is still good when I break down in tears and frustration because of events I cannot control and cannot get over the feeling of feeling so powerless...

Anyway, God remains good in all things. I will try my damndest to be real with you if you truly mean what you say and say what you mean.

Thanks, I love all of you.

~Nathanael~

It's been interesting

to get my thoughts and emotions out on paper instead of out here in Xangaland.
I've been more honest to myself about the life I've lived, I've been more honest at pointing where blame lies; sure a good portion of the problems in my life have been caused by me, but by digging deeper I recognize so much of it is generational, so much of it is a hand-me-down I could do without.

In a moment of bravery perhaps instilled by the second pint of the evening last Tuesday, I let a guy I know into the real me, the ins and outs as to what really happens within my life. He handled the truth well, it was no suprise when he thought I had it together (or at least more together).

I don't have it together,
BUT-
But I think maybe, possibly, God is preparing me through all this shit I have gone through and still go through for something better in life. Something that gets me to where I need to be, something that to all the ones who may have scoffed at my potential I will give them a collective fuck you for what they said or for what they had done or for what they didn't do.

I think that'll be my pound of flesh extracted,
instead of taking it out against others in a violent manner as I've done in the past,
I will succeed, go above and beyond what ever they thought of me and to the mean people, the haters and the doubters -- fuck you!

That works for me, it honestly does.

***

Well back to life as I know it, I hope to drop in on my xanga birthday if not my real birthday, to which both are approaching quickly.

Have a good day and a better tomorrow,
Nathanael