These are my thoughts for better or worse: October 2005

Monday, October 31, 2005

an area of my life i realize i need to fix...pronto!

GOD is helping me to watch my eyes,
GOD is helping me to guard my heart;
and now... i realize i need GOD's help guarding my mouth. i do not naturally speak foul words, but lately...i've been rather 'creative' with some double entendres, especially in regards to Dating, Marriage and Sex taught by the great Brad Seeman...

i do not use his name as a double entendre, but his class...*sigh* oh the (horrible) things said by me and others in regards to his class.

i cannot control the actions of others, but i can work at taming my tongue. it is a hard task, because what is meant to be witty has become something that has a sexual taint to it. this is something i need to change...by GOD's help alone! so often i think i can make it on my own, and when the going gets tough...i'll let GOD take over THEN, not before. i am learning to give it over to him completely... such as the incident of Aribert Heim; all this and much more i am learning to give GOD completely from the moment it occurs.

so... i'll leave it at that, may GOD help my somewhat vulgar tongue, on second thought, it is a vulgar tongue that i have! (for which i am not proud.)
***nv***

the punisher...

this is who i want to be...in a way.
Romans 12: 19 - Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay says the LORD."

i do not want to take revenge persay on others, but i want to be someone who is able to point out to someone (in love) of what they're doing that needs to be changed.
someone who helps to fix/repair/rebuild what has been torn down - peoplewise...
i want to be a protector; a person who shelters those who need safety.

so in a way i want to be
1/2 - the punisher
1/2 - the mythical golum of Jewish history
100% man of GOD...

i want to be told of what i am doing wrong as well; i want to be held accountable by those i know and trust.
i want to do this because it is right, in which i want to do it out of love and not out of a "holier-than-thou" persona.
OUT OF LOVE
not
OUT OF HATE/ETC.
[[[nv]]]

chapel today...

now i don't blog what i hate (to an extent)
because i am more for love than hate...

but,

i majorly disliked (better than hate, eh?) chapel today!!!

i mean it went like this;

-stand

-sing

-pray

-read off the screen

-sit down

-repeat

so in a way it was traditional; people i talked to compared it to the Lutheran and Catholic church... i completely understand what they're saying...

tradition

is a good thing, but when presented to the church

it makes me a bit mad and bored.
to make chapel enjoyable for me i prayed;

i have a list of people and their prayer requests and that is what i did;

that is how i connected with GOD

and that is what salvaged a chapel that was...boring.

Going on on by GOD's strength alone,
{{{nv}}}

mixed emotions about a piece of current news...

well...

apparently spain has been hiding someone;

a "doctor" for the last 20 years or so...

a "doctor" deemed doctor death.

it seems like Aribert Heim has been hiding out in spain.

oh this Aribert Heim, he just happens to be a nazi "doctor"!

the kind that committed evil 'experiments' on people

and did things that just curl my blood...

why is this a mixed emotion for me?

i am partially of Jewish decent through my mother's side

and...things like this make me want to board a plane and maim severely a person who i've never met, solely to take revenge of those who killed my people...

but
GOD reminds me that i am not the one to take revenge

GOD will deal with him one way or another

but i am not to do anything...
so...
Aribert Heim will be dealt with,

but by GOD's hand-

not mine...

***nv***

nay will i say happy halloween...

but i will say happy All Saints Day Eve...
i know of what oct. 31st is about,

do what you will

but leave a message if you desire to know the truth.

besides,
i have my invites to events myself;

i was going to go as donnie darko
but i lack a grey hoodie and skeleton pants and shirt...

i guess i'll go as myself.

here are some CHRISTian Goth sites
besides the obvious one being

www.christiangoth.com
i am CHRISTian gothic myself;

but internally and not so much externally...
*chao and GOD bless!*
{{{nv}}}