~How my summer's been so far...~

Well, it has been good, but not in a relaxful way... You see, I did not have a job waiting for me once I got out of school. So for the first 4 weeks I searched and applied at various places and last Thursday I received 4 calls for 4 different places of employment! I have taken a job in which I'll be a janitor - full time employment - for nine dollars an hour.

My days have been busy cleaning up the house... No known reason except that it must be done, so I guess that's the reason in itself. It's been kind of boring, but at least I'll start work soon.

I live a very busy life, albeit, a busy yet boring life. I am glad to work within my church's Jr. High group and also part of Young Life. In my time outside of doing all that, I've read some good Christian book and learned a great deal about prayer. In a way, I am finding solitude in the midst of busyness, I am finding peace in chaos.
God is good and so is this life, but sometimes I find that God is my all, He is... but sometimes I don't see it that clearly.

Graduation Ceremonies...yeah, it's that time of the year.

I attended the one for my former school's association, that is, the homeschool group I was a part of 3 years ago... I knew a lot of those who were graduating today, due to their parents and/or older siblings.

It was good to go to the graduation, I am glad to be out and about as I once was.

Congrats class of 2006!

[n][v]

update...

I am not at all sorry for what I said, but... God is working through this thorn in my life and it's starting to look up!

I've found a job within walking distance from my house! So I save money that would have been going to my gas tank. I start on the 5th of June, maintance work - whatever that entails.

God is good,
and yet...life sucks sometimes.

why I HATE Luke 11:11-13

Luke 11:11-13
"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

*sigh*

This is how it rolls, my car has been worked upon in the last 48 hours and it is ready to be picked up. I asked my father to take me to the place, which is a simple thing to do, he said that he could not because his job is demanding and he needs a good night rest. I completely agree, sleep is important and it ties into the next day, but my father proceeded to sneak into the den and watch a movie!!! He rather watch a movie than be with his only son, someone who wants to get close to him instead of farther away than we already are. What the eff is he doing? I'll tell you what he's doing, he's manipulating me!

Because of him I lost my job on campus, and when I told him about it he didn't do anything, except state that he was 'sorry.' I didn't believe him, because that used to be me, I used to say I was sorry and didn't mean it whatsoever, so what if I lied...big woop, right? WRONG! I have to deal with my actions, but I can sniff out my father when he's being unauthentic...
This verse is like a kick below the belt, it hurts like heck because of my father's actions - both past and present - in which he has given me snakes and scorpions for a very long time. He is cold and he is cruel and one of the many areas has really gotten to me... I am someone who likes to receive gifts and presents during Christmas and on my birthday (don't we all?) and my father has not given me or my sisters and mother ANYTHING in the last couple of years!!! He tells us the day before or the day before my birthday that he didn't get us anything, how mean can you be? It used to be that I had to pick out my own presents/etc. and I hated it...
I was in a Bible Study where this verse was shared and then people discussed what it meant to them. People shared how kind and nice their fathers were and I squirmed in my chair, fidgeting because...well, this verse hurts my heart because my father is not... well, what this implies.

I am trusting in God to help me in regards to my attitude about my father. It hurts, yes, but God will help me... After all, I'm going on by God's strength alone.

[n][v]

In other news...

Last two things before I call it a night;

1) Tonight I helped serve a part of the homeless community in my hometown in honor of a friend's Grandmother who recently passed away...or so it started out as such.

While serving the men and women, adults and children, I did it to honor a friends Grandmother, but soon it became serving God by serving my fellow human beings- My attitude was never negative, but it became more positive as I did it to bring honor and glory to God.

2) My sister Hannah is back in town!!! After being in Spain for nearly 2 semesters, she's back and I am happy - for a lot of things, but it is great that she's back...

That's all I have to say.

Good night and God bless,
Nathanael

The good memories...

of where I'm at, come to mind... As I type, I'm at Waubonsee College waiting for my sister, last night was the graduation ceremony... and here's the main reason why I went last night...

My good friend Sonia, we go back...2 years! But in the time that I was at Waubonsee, I got to know her very well (by means of Circles of Understanding.) and in the fall She'll be off to NIU.
God has blessed me greatly with a friend like her, she is truely a wonderful person.

She also was the student who gave the 'congrats-and-fair-well' speech! I'm so happy for her, she did great! She's glad to be moving on, but it's sad for her in a way... Yeah, I missed my friends, colleagues and good teachers when I transferred out to Judson, but that's part of life... At least I'm still in contact with more than a handful of Waubonsee students both current and former.

Ah, the memories...

Nathanael

Voice of the Martyrs - updated prayer list

"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again."
(2 Corinthians 5:14-15)

Prayers for May 16, 2006 From The Voice of the Martyrs

CAMBODIA (VOM-Canada) On Friday, April 28th, a partially built church building in Boeng Krum Leu, 30 km east of Phnom Penh, was destroyed by approximately 300 local Buddhists. Che Saren, chief of the district, told the Associated Press the Buddhists felt threatened by the visible presence of another religion. Chanting "Destroy the church," and "Long live Buddhism," the villagers tore down the building and burned the rubble. According to Ros Sithoeun, a local Christian, the police gave the villagers a lecture on the laws governing religious freedom, and the two sides have come to a peaceful agreement. The Christians did not file complaints with the authorities nor demand restitution. There are currently 20 to 30 Christians in the village. Pray the Christians in Boeng Krum Leu will be able to continue worshipping the Lord without further opposition. Give thanks to God that the Buddhists are not continuing to harass Christians. Pray the sacrificial attitude of these believers will draw others to Christ. TURKMENISTAN (Compass Direct) Police in Turkmenistan's capital city broke up a Christian house group meeting on May 3rd, confiscating personal belongings and subjecting the group to extensive interrogation. More than 15 officials stormed the unregistered gathering of 13 members of the Soygi (Love) Church in Ashgabat just hours after U.S. officials recommended Turkmenistan be labeled one of the world's worst violators of religious freedom. Members of the secret police, Hyakimlik (local administration), foreigner registration office, Committee for Religious Affairs, and the regular police force entered the house without a warrant and searched the premises. The officers seized Bibles, discipleship texts and videos, as well as personal pictures and a notebook computer. Church members were then forced to re-enact their meeting activities while police videotaped them. By holding unregistered meetings, the 35 Christians who attend Soygi Church's Sunday services are technically breaking the law. But, registration in Turkmenistan can be extremely difficult, and repressive government interference often cripples the activities of registered religious communities. Expecting continued police harassment, the Turkmen congregation appealed to fellow Christians around the world to pray for them. "We are now being investigated. We want prayer desperately." Pray the Lord will use the video to lead the authorities to Christ, working His purposes in this raid to His glory. Pray the Holy Spirit will overpower the spirit of false religion that wars against Christ in Turkmenistan. VIETNAM (ASSIST News Service) The Montagnard Foundation, an organization dedicated to the preservation of the rights of the indigenous people of Vietnam's Central Highlands, reports the torture and death of Siu Lul, a Degar Christian. On April 20th, Siu Lul was denied food and water by Vietnamese authorities in Ha Nam prison where he was beaten and tortured. Lul was 62 years old and from the village of Ploi Kueng, Habong commune, Cu Se District, Gia Lai province. He had been arrested, tortured and imprisoned at the prison facility in Ha Nam since 2004. A media advisory obtained by ANS says: "On April 24, 2006, he succumbed from the effects of torture and lack of water and food. The authorities wanted the family to take his body back to his village, but his family did not have money to pay for the transportation and he was buried in Ha Nam." The Montagnard Foundation notes there are still over 350 Degar prisoners of conscience who remain imprisoned in Vietnam's brutal prison system. The indigenous Montagnard Degar peoples have suffered decades of persecution by the government of Vietnam, namely confiscation of their ancestral lands, Christian religious repression, torture, killings and imprisonment. Pray the Lord will shine the light of His love and comfort on Siu Lul's family and friends. Pray God will empower Degar Christians to be strong witnesses of His love as they forgive those who treated their brother so cruelly. Pray the Lord will work a miracle of His power as He leads many communists to faith in His Son. CUBA (VOM sources) Pastor Carlos Lamelas remains in La Villa Marista Detention Center, where his weight and blood pressure continue to drop to unhealthy levels. He was arrested in his La Lisa neighborhood home in Havana, Cuba, by five security policemen on February 20th, for allegedly aiding refugees to emigrate illegally. Officers searched his entire home, confiscated his computer, printer, personal files and other office items. No formal charges have been brought against Cuba's former President of the Church of God, as the police-appointed "instructor" has still not briefed Carlos on the reason for his detainment. It is widely accepted Pastor Lamelas was targeted by the Castro regime ever since he refused to sign (and sing) government rhetoric sent to him in a document more then three years ago. Christians were urged to follow suit "if they wanted to be on the safe side of the government." He didn't, and was thrown in prison twice before his latest arrest when he was falsely accused of working for the CIA and of being a counterrevolutionary. Carlos' wife, Uramis Lamelas, is only allowed to visit him for 15 minutes every Monday morning while three policemen sit around them to limit their conversations. The meetings take place at La Villa Marista Detention Center in the La Vibora area of Havana's Arroyo Naranjo borough. The pastor's 12-year-old daughter, Estefania, has only been allowed to visit him once, and his 6-year-old daughter, Daniela, is continuing to pray for his release. Pray Pastor Lamelas' physical condition will move the prison authorities to allow his release. Pray Christians worldwide will pray and write letters to encourage Pastor Lamelas with the knowledge that many are praying for him. Pray God will move in love and power with an outpouring of His Holy Spirit on the whole country of Cuba. To encourage Pastor Lamelas and his family, his wife may receive letters addressed to: Uramis Frometa Salvat de Lamelas 220 No. 6910 Entre 69 t 71 La Lisa, Habana, Cuba Tel: 011-53-7-260-0200 To write a letter of advocacy, call or e-mail on Pastor Lamelas' behalf, contact: Cuban Interest Section Swiss Embassy 2630 16th Street, NW Washington, DC 20009 Tel: (202) 797 8518 Fax: (202) 797-8521 E-mail: Informacion1@sicuw.org Or directly send a letter of encouragement to: Carlos Lamelas La Villa Marista Detention Center La Vibora, Habana, Cuba

thoughts...

Well... Last night I went to Chrissy and Ben's combined birthday party; It was out at Enchanted Castle and for a while Ben just wanted to hang out with ME.
Now I've known Chrissy for nearly a year and we've hung out a lot of times, but Ben last night showed me how I should be to God, my Heavenly Father...



When we were in the tubes (as this photo shows Ben), there were some areas in which Ben climbed that I could not get through; Sure I climbed in the larger ones but some were designed for little kids only. I didn't want to lose Ben (besides, my friend wouldn't like that at all.) and so I called after Ben to come down to the larger tubes, but he... He was a little bit stubborn. So I planned to leave him, or so I told him- Of course I wouldn't leave Ben alone, but it was a ruse to get him to come down. It took a little time to get that I was no longer there, or at least in his range of vision and (sadly) he started crying for me. Now I made myself visible to him and he was happy, but still a bit stubborn into getting into bigger tubes.

Here's my deep thoughts about that: I am like Ben at times, I want to do what I want when I want- And sometimes when I am off doing my own thing, God seems out of view and so I'm left questioning "where's God?" And yet God is always there, He is visible when to me He seems invisible and in the midst of Him being unseen, this is where I find comfort and solace and the strength to continue on...
God is never out of sight, but due to our own wants/needs/etc. He can seem out of sight.


Going on by God's strength alone,
Nathanael

A little spiel about music...

First off, my music tastes have always been eclectic, and while I listen to a bit of everything, I've been listening to a lot of pop/contemporary music due to being a part of Young Life and etc.

So here my spiel;

In the minds of some people I know (followers of Christ) they see that there are two types of music - 1) "Christian" Music and 2) "Non-Christian" Music.
To me, there should not be avoid for followers of Christ and the music they choose to listen to - If music is a gift of God, why should we state that there are Christian songs and Non-Christian songs?
Granted, there are some songs that downright void out God completely, but think about songs like Crazy by Simple Plan or Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers? While the songs do not mention God, the lyrics clearly state regret and need to change and that there's something bigger and better than what this life has to offer.
In life there will seem like there are many different compartments in life, and one compartment might be where God/church/reading the Bible/prayer go- Every aspect of our lives as followers of Christ should not be thrown into one compartment, but God should be what holds everything together, essentially- He should be the entire compartment in which everything goes! (Including music.)

So for you who are followers of Christ, don't divy up the sacred and secular, make it all sacred. It's a process I'm working at, but God willing this model of living will settle in to every area of my life.

The Iron Sharpeners in my Life - Proverbs 27:17

Proverbs 27:17 - As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.

This verse speaks to me on what good relationships should look like among believers - They build you up and you build them up - These are people who are the iron sharpeners in my life.

Brent Phillips - My site supervisor for Young Life; He has helped me out emmensely with being real, authentic and trustworthy, He's someone I can share how I am doing REALLY instead of how I'm just doing. I've only known him for 9 months or so, but he builds me up. I don't know how I 'sharpen' him except that I do pray for him and the various things that are brought up.

Jeremy Goodson - We both attended Waubonsee and now we attend Judson, and we both have our practicums at Young Life! Jeremy has been very instrumental in my life because he listens to what's going on in my life that...well...sucks! He listens and relates, and these types of people are whom I considered to be the closest of close friends.

Drew Moody - Now I do not have steady communication with Drew, but for those instances in which we dialogue, he builds my faith and helps me to reflect on what TRUE fellowship amongst followers of Christ is like. He is not the status quo, nor the norm in a good way and I can relate to him on that level, because sometimes followers of Christ can make Christianity rule-oriented and whatnot, He (like me) shys away from such behavior.

This will be continued, but there's work that needs to be done.

Life

God has been good...But that's been the only good in my life since...Well...Since I've gotten out of school: I've been looking for a place of employment (practically) every day since 2 Mondays ago... It's very draining and I am sick to my stomach because I'm nervous and insecure when it comes to places of work.

Not that work worries me, but I'm afraid that I might turn out like someone I know due to work, I want to work, but not the way he works. My prayer life has been selfish; I've been praying for one of the places I've applied for to call me back, and other things like this- I need to step out, get a breather and recollect my marbles.
This all may seem very redundant, but my life at this time is a small universe that spins without skipping a beat and the path in which it travels is the same things for the most part, day in and day out.

I'd like to blog more, but I have applications to fill out and I need to pray; Pray for this mess called life, pray for my family and all the complicated details in regards to them and us as a whole...

God is good,
but life at this time is not.
(and I already feel God using these hardships for something better, I'm a slow learner, but like Samuel from the Bible - 1 Samuel 3:10 "Speak, for your servant is listening.")

Reading Relevant Magazine...

And I came across this quote/lyric line:

Derek Webb of Caedmon's Call says this by way of their song "A King & A Kingdom"

There are two great lies that I've heard:
"The day you eat the fruit of that tree, you will not sure surely die"
And that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class Republican
And if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

I had to smile a little smile after reading this; You see, there are people in my church and elsewhere who tend to believe (to what extent, I don't know) that if you're some how politically affiliated APART from being a Republican, well... You're not a Christian.

I know some of you will be reading this, and I don't mind how you vote and how you think, but listen: Make sure that you are thinking for yourself and not by way of parents/pastors/etc. beliefs...

And for those of you who are followers of Christ who read this and don't vote Republican - Props! - Thanks for dialoguing with me on this, 'cause I have my own biases even though I don't vote Republican most of the time.

Have a good day,
shalom and l'chaim!

[n][v]

thoughts while on the road

...of life.

This week has been a long one; I've spent a great deal of time on the road - filling out applications, looking for places of employment and everything surrounding that. I've had a great deal of time to pray while driving (eyes open, of course!) and just think...

As I recall what my thoughts have been, I have decided to pass them on:

*Don't rush following Christ - In my own life I sometimes rush through my devotions and prayer life as if I had it on a checklist of things to do and that is one thing I don't want to do - compartmentalize my following of Christ, it should be part of my life and it shouldn't be rushed...
*Slow down and enjoy the little things of life - As much as I have been rushed because of looking for employment for the summer, I've enjoyed the moments where I have just hung out with some people from my church, the Young Life cookout, taking photographs and writing poetry; things like this just to do for good old unstructured fun. I need structure in my life, and sometimes you just need to (logically) throw caution to the wind and say c'est la vie and just...chill.
*Don't take life so seriously - I am someone who has a fun side and a serious side, but lately, my serious side has been overlapping, I mean... Who at the age of 21 rewrites (Rewrites!) their will! I have one that I have made and I was rewriting it... But this is my serious (perhaps morbid) side. I'm sorry if I haven't chilled in a chill way, there have been instances where I've been the life of the party - in a fun way, but also in a serious way.
I am working at being less serious, because it can be very stressful to be that serious...

Take care and God bless,
Another busy day and I'll (hopefully) have a good weekend.

"Chao is one letter shy of Chaos"
Nathanael