I got on Xanga about 4.5 years ago, I had just started going to Judson University and at the time they had blocked a lot of popular websites including (what was) my online social network; MySpace. They blocked a few other known websites at the time, such as Facebook, Youtube, etc. As a blogger for close to 8 years I wanted to find a place where I could write, a place where I could build community, and Xanga was it.
My school actually has a Xanga group (it's still here) and for a while it was a place where I could read about what other JU students had to say; a few of the guys from my floor were on Xanga, as well as people I worked with at the campus library, a few of the commuters I talked to on a regular basis were on Xanga as well.
While I might have a lot of friends here on Xanga, this is what enters my mind when I befriend someone on Xanga: Perhaps this could spark a real life friendship, perhaps this person could help me out sometime and I could help out him or her.
Recently I've been going through some tough times; family shit that hit the fan- HARD. I was talking to one of my online to real life Xangamigos just when some of this was unfolding. She could hear in my voice how much it hurt me, how I felt lonely and perhaps even terrified at the events that were going down. She stuck it out with me even tho she was on one end of the phone and I on the other, she was kind, caring and concerned for my welfare in the midst of my trials and tribulations. Tell me this, is that not what a real friend does for you? Doesn't a real friend care for you and hopes life gets a bit more palpable?
From the getgo, I wanted to develop community and relationships with people on Xanga. I didn't know how but I'm glad to say that some of that has come to fruition, to go from online friends to being real life friends, to transcend the digital world and make real world friends. Some of the people who I got to know here on Xanga first have become some people I talk to on a regular basis, people who I truly consider my friends, Xanga should be about building community and yet the opportunity is also there for not doing that; if you don't want to interact apart from leaving comments and posting stuff, that's fine, that's your prerogative, I'm not gonna guilt trip you into to becoming more interactive.
Yet I recognize that we as humans have been designed for community, we are made to interact with others (maybe not all the time, but part of the time). There's a reason why there are groups of Xangamigos out there who plan get togethers and such, because even if we just know each other through this social platform, we're all human; we all share common themes, we all are all made of flesh, we all have our good days and we all have our bad days.
I'm not on Xanga merely to get out what I have to write, or to use this platform to share my poetry (it doesn't happen that often IRL as it is) or to show off some photos I take every now and then, it is about community and building relationships here that might become real life friendships. We're all in this thing called being human together, we all have our own dreams and desires that we want to take place. I was made for community and so are you!
This is why I am here.
This is why I am on Xanga.
~Nathanael~
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
No one talks about eating disorders pertaining to men...why is that?
(This stems from thoughts I had while getting a mandatory physical and a drug test for a job I've yet to start...)
I don't suffer from an eating disorder, but I very well could have growing up...
You see, when I was in my preadolescence I was heavier, in my adolescence I was heavier, when I was in my early 20's I was heavier...see the trend? Yes, I am 218 pounds and only 5'8, I am fat, I am overweight, but as I try to fit working out into my daily routine, I don't have the time for it now.
Now it's not that I don't care, I truly do care about my body and my health, but juggling school/life/now work...yeah, I'm sure I have the time somewhere in there, but I'm not the best at time management, getting there, but not yet.
Yet when I was younger I wanted to be fit; I was involved in a lot of athletic extra curriculars in my schooling (home school, mind you, K to 12) but I still a bit of a gut. I did have some success in keeping my weight kind of in order back when I would workout an average of 2 hours a day, I was dedicated to it but I still had some girth I [wished I] could do without.
What made it worse was that some family members pointed out my weight; hey you should stop eating as much (true I cut back some, but really? Is that being helpful?), hey you're fat (I am, thanks for pointing it out
)... Yeah, I didn't need that pointed out to me, but it struck me as a double standard when I was told never to ask a woman's age or weight, don't call women fat... Now I know I'm not bombarded by media saying I should look like ________ or if I don't weigh __________ I'm not attractive, but still it affects me some when girls go for guys or guys go for girls based just around looks, how shallow! I might be heavier, but I have a good sense of humor, I know how to take care of a lady well, I am polite and I have a lot of positive attributes going for me that makes me a good boyfriend and in time, a good husband. Yet when I was younger, I did eat less because some people labelled me fat, I didn't binge and then purge, but I heard a voice in my head (negative voice) saying I shouldn't eat as much and as a result I'd finish eating dinner early, I'm full when I wasn't...
***
Now I don't know the stats when it comes to eating disorders, but I can venture a guess when I say that for females that either every girl has had an eating disorder or has known someone who has had one at one time. I wonder what can then be said about men and eating disorders, I'd hate it if we're the odd ones out, the ones swept under the rug and forgotten, because it does affect men and how they think they should look and something should be done about it.
[n][v]
I don't suffer from an eating disorder, but I very well could have growing up...
You see, when I was in my preadolescence I was heavier, in my adolescence I was heavier, when I was in my early 20's I was heavier...see the trend? Yes, I am 218 pounds and only 5'8, I am fat, I am overweight, but as I try to fit working out into my daily routine, I don't have the time for it now.
Now it's not that I don't care, I truly do care about my body and my health, but juggling school/life/now work...yeah, I'm sure I have the time somewhere in there, but I'm not the best at time management, getting there, but not yet.
Yet when I was younger I wanted to be fit; I was involved in a lot of athletic extra curriculars in my schooling (home school, mind you, K to 12) but I still a bit of a gut. I did have some success in keeping my weight kind of in order back when I would workout an average of 2 hours a day, I was dedicated to it but I still had some girth I [wished I] could do without.
What made it worse was that some family members pointed out my weight; hey you should stop eating as much (true I cut back some, but really? Is that being helpful?), hey you're fat (I am, thanks for pointing it out
)... Yeah, I didn't need that pointed out to me, but it struck me as a double standard when I was told never to ask a woman's age or weight, don't call women fat... Now I know I'm not bombarded by media saying I should look like ________ or if I don't weigh __________ I'm not attractive, but still it affects me some when girls go for guys or guys go for girls based just around looks, how shallow! I might be heavier, but I have a good sense of humor, I know how to take care of a lady well, I am polite and I have a lot of positive attributes going for me that makes me a good boyfriend and in time, a good husband. Yet when I was younger, I did eat less because some people labelled me fat, I didn't binge and then purge, but I heard a voice in my head (negative voice) saying I shouldn't eat as much and as a result I'd finish eating dinner early, I'm full when I wasn't...***
Now I don't know the stats when it comes to eating disorders, but I can venture a guess when I say that for females that either every girl has had an eating disorder or has known someone who has had one at one time. I wonder what can then be said about men and eating disorders, I'd hate it if we're the odd ones out, the ones swept under the rug and forgotten, because it does affect men and how they think they should look and something should be done about it.
[n][v]