"Desperate is a good place to be"

As I worked today I was listening to a few podcasts from xxxchurch. In case you don't know what xxxchurch is, it is a ministry that ministers unto porn stars, former porn stars, people addicted to pornography -- simply put, they're a ministry that is involved with pornography in a way that hasn't been approached by the Church...
Anyway, so I was listening to one podcast that was about a recently out of the porn business, it was a quasi-interview, the how's and the why's were tossed around; why did you enter, why did you leave... stuff like that. So the woman who left the porn business was talking about her desperate nature -- to leave the porn business and to get reconnected with God, she in her youth learned about God and it was a part of her life (even when she was in the porn business she felt God calling her out from it). She said that where she was and what was going on, Desperate is a good place to be, and that struck me, it struck me hard.
I have been desperate at times, where I feel like I'm clawing for my survival, clawing my to the top, clawing my way out. Getting to a point where rock bottom is very present, I've been that desperate.
There have been two times in my life where I tried to end *ahem* the problems once and for all, I need not spell it out, but yes, there was a time in my life where I felt desperate and death seemed like the answer to the crap that took place in my life and my surroundings. I no longer have that mindset, God has given me a reason to live, a better reason than the one I had when I was younger.
DESPERATE is what I still am in some ways; I am desperate and longing to be closer to God in my walk. I do feel His presence (especially outdoorsy scenarios), but I want to walk out on faith, not a limb, with what I want to do in this life, what I want to do with this life.
I'm desperate to change and for change -- as I prepare to marry Chrissy in less than 2 years, I need to make some reparations of the past and the future as well, most importantly I need to end a 4 generation old problem.


***

In all,
Desperate (for God) is a good place to be,
I want to depend on God with all of who I am.

[nv]

Chrissy is no longer my girlfriend...

...She's my fiance !

As of a little less than 2 weeks ago, after a few weeks of talking it out, Chrissy and I have decided to get married (God willing). While we don't have a date yet, we plan on getting married soon after I graduate from school (2 years or slightly less).
This is a wonderful event in our lives, we have been friends for close to two years and when I first met Chrissy I found someone who I quickly considered a friend because of the many things we have in common, and now...Thanks be to God, we plan on getting married!
I want it to be known that I love Chrissy very much; she knows it in both my actions and my words, and I know she loves me in her actions and words. A few years ago I had my doubts about love, I was burned by love and so I thought that I would never have what little I had. But God is faithful and good and he provided Chrissy as a girlfriend at the right time (His time, of course) and soon...soon we shall be married.

Truth to be told, I am excited and nervous- I'm excited because I'm getting married, and guess what? I'm nervous for the same reasons I'm excited! I don't have marital "cold feet", but it's such a big jump from what I know and experience as a person who's been dating the most amazing person in the world. I am ready to make such a transition in my life, I've been praying...hoping...wishing for someone like Chrissy for a long time, and I have found her!

So in time, Chrissy+I will be husband and wife, I will also be the father of two wonderful boys as well, in which I love them too, but not in the same way I love their mom Chrissy. This is the most exciting news I have to share, I pray that you reader will find someone like my Chrissy, she is a gift from God and she loves me and I love her with my whole heart.

P.S. The only thing that I love more in this life than her is God; He is the provider of every good gift.

[nv]

In brief

I have a prayer request:

Over the last few years I've become a good friend to a young woman who happens to be a Muslim. As of today she starts reading the New Testament, and I the Koran, pray for her as she starts to read, and for me when she asks questions, and knowing her she will.

The people God puts in our life's path

I'm not much of a party-goer or par tier per say, but this evening I was quickly invited to attend a party held by one of my friends from school. I weighed my options mentally, the pros and cons, and after some thought I called him up for directions and I went to his house. The party was like one's I attended off campus at JudCo. social gathering with some alcohol involved, but more social than anything else. At the party I met an individual by the name of Howard, soon into meeting him I found out that he is a follower of Christ as well, so we get talking about life and God's hands in our lives...

After talking to him for a while I get a gist of who he is and where he is coming from, and we share some commonalities besides being brothers in Christ. It turns out that a lot of the hardships that Howard has faced, in various shapes and forms, I too have gone through what he has gone through. Talking longer, I learn how his heart has been broken and he has started to go into a downward spiral that is destructive and complex, he shared with me things that he regrets doing, but he is trying...praying...working to get on with life, but for now he's trusting in God to see him through. Howard is a bright guy, but he is making a lot of poor choices, but as I listen reflectively to him, I start to love him as Christ loves me, I see him as an imago dei (image of God), I start to share with him personal insights and also what the Bible has to say, he in turn shares with me his favorite passages in the Bible.
At the end of our conversation, he lauds me for my influential and helpful encouragement from one brother in Christ to another (and I only met him tonight!), he thanks me for the words and encouragement, but I offer up praise to God, for it His doing that made this random meeting successful.
I'm praying for Howard, I'm praying that (as I shared with him) the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son does not sit on his butt when he sees his son in the distance, but the father gets up and heads to the son. Howard knows this parable, but I reminded him that God is making his way to him even if it seems like God is distant (he knows he's not). Thankfully I have his number, I will definitely keep in touch with him, because our meeting might seem coincidental to the outsider, but it was God's perfecting planning and timing. (The picture is an interpretation of Philip meeting with the Ethiopian -- another case of God's perfect planning and timing.)

[nv]