my body is tired and it feels wornout;

I'm not a shell of a man, but at times I feel hollow.

sleep...glorious sleep,
that which I lack,
that which I want,
that which I desire.

But I desire God more than anything this life has to offer
and as a result
I can go without sleep
I can go without food
I can go without a lot of things.

God is my sustainer,
and all else is trivial

and yet in my selfish human desires
I want more sometimes...

I'm a work in progress!

<N*V>

prayer...

Prayer To me, it is more than just talking to my Father in Heaven-
It is keeping in touch (from my side of things) to Him who is the maker of all.
***
As far as I can remember, prayer was something that I did to talk to God (amongst other things) and even though I prayed to God out of desperation it was never a 'when-all-else-fails' scenario.

Prayer to God should not be the last thing to do, but the first thing to do...

I have a few prayer requests, some of them are mine and some are other people's:

*Logan - You know who I'm talking about Judsonites. Well, I found out via facebook that Jenny and him broke up, and he has kind of turned his back on God. These were the words of his former girlfriend Jenny, in which I sense the pain she/they're obviously going through, keep him in your prayers.

*Jenny - Logan's former girlfriend; pray that God heals the pain that she's going through, and for such things as I mentioned above.

*The Persecuted + Underground Church - Pray for those who suffer for the name of Christ, there are a lot of places out there, a lot of brothers and sisters in Christ who are persecuted.

*My family - we're a bunch of ragamuffins (if you've read Ragamuffin Gospel, awesome!) and we need grace - from one to another and from God. God's grace is there, but sometimes we don't cut each other slack.

*Young Life - Pray that God uses us (St. Charles, and Geneva...I guess.) who are leaders to lead the teens and to grow deeper/purposeful/better relationships. May this be a semester where they come and learn and change - Unto His glory and not ours...

Thank ya verrrry much,
[n][v]

Random misfirings of my brain:

This is not a senseless, random blogpost,
but rather-
Life has a way of unraveling upon itself.

Enjoy!

Well,
I hate second-hand news, but I am willing to hear it, on occasion-
But... I found out the other day that my friend from school/Young Life/etc. is now engaged to his girlfriend! Wow! The problem is, his/our friends informed me and it wasn't him sharing the good news. He wasn't there and so I heard it this way, which is not his fault, but I am a bit irked at finding out second-hand.

Marriage,
I have yet to find her
I'm still waiting on God,
but...
I know too many people who are soon to get married,
in which not even being at that point can be frustrating at times...
But as I said, God's timing and not mine.

***

Back to the grindstone!
[n][v]

*sigh*

a part of me is behind in one class homework wise,
and one part of me wants to write blog.

life is good,
but only because God makes it so.
I'm tired and weak,
but God gives me the strength to go on.

And...Well...
I'm not giving up on various family members,
I'm not giving up on the task ahead
And as I've read in the Ragamuffin Gospel I am not deserving of grace,
but God gives it to me regardless of what I've done and where I've been these last 22 years of life.

I'm finally accepting (I got it a long time ago) that I can come to God
"just as I am..."
I've been pushed down with theology of 'one must come to God in better condition, and not in a fallen state'. I've also getting over that 'God loves good people' in which I am not, but that's okay, God loves bad people too.

I'm a bad person because of my flaws, my inherited sinful nature (thanks Adam and Eve! ), etc... But God accepts me and forgives me, I'm a broken vessel and God is putting the pieces back together.

And for the last thing, and yet not related-

Question: Is common sense not that common?

[n][v]

p.s. I'd like responses if you wouldn't mind...

I just found out that my sister Abbey had a soccer ball that was kicked in her eye last night and she has torn her retina and/or her iris...

Sheesh, I'm concerned as an older brother.

Please pray for her if you would.

Thanks,
[n][v]

somethings for you the reader to do if you would...

1. Pray for guidance and direction for the following
2. Read Matthew 26:11
3. Read Matthew 25:44-45
4. Check out these photographs by a person who goes by the moniker Stoneth

***

After viewing them myself for the first time last night,
I was saddened for the people present,
Reflective on where I am, what I have been given and so on and so forth.
Gripping might be the word to describe it,
but to me it speaks at a noise that is louder than thoughts and more intimate than words...

I am not poor by any means,
I used to be on a technical level much different that what these people are experiencing, but what sticks to me through all this is - What can I do?

A part of me really wants to get out this comfortable life that I am in
and
to get out on the streets and experience this kind of poverty,
to find God at the lowest place I can think of.

Because think of this:
A little light in a dark room no longer makes the room as dark,
it is brighter, way brighter when there was no light at all.

***

So at this time, I may not step out of this comfort zone,
but one day... One day I very well might.

[n][v]

Pursuit:
By God to me,
By Others to me,
By Me to others...

But, first a bit of a true metaphorical story chock full of goodness.

I was driving back on Monday from my hometown back to school for the second time, and as I was driving along, this girl in a Mitsubishi Galant gives me the look. Not the look of I-want-your-telephone-number but the one of what-can-your-car-do look. She takes off to go the speed limit and a little over, so I follow her a bit behind her.

She drops back and gives me the look again, as if to say-
"So what are you waiting for?"
In which this time I pursue her and keep up with her for 30 minutes, not miles.
She smiles now and then, as if to make it known that I'm doing okay.

At the light prior to the light at Wal-Mart in Elgin, she turns and that ends our pursuit of one another.

One of the ways pursuit is defined is
"an effort to secure or attain."
And I can say with confidence, that I am out to pursue others, in particular people I have left on the wayside of life, people I have not given up on, but still haven't given them their rightful amount.

I'm being pursued by God as well;
God is challenging me, stretching me, tearing me apart and putting me back together.
It's a painful process, but I am willing to be broken down and brought back up again.

Are you being pursued by God?
Are you pursuing others?

just something to think about.

[n][v]

"And Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.'"(John 6:35)


Prayers for August 22, 2006
From The Voice of the Martyrs


INDIA (VOM Canada)
On the night of August 5th, more than 50 Hindu militants stormed the House of Hope orphanage in Dantewara, Chhattisgarh state, in an attempt to forcibly close it. According to sources, the mob was armed with clubs and bamboo sticks. They beat the director, Suresh (35), and threatened to kill him if he continues with the orphanage. They also questioned and threatened several of the children. Suresh is presently in treatment for his injuries. Efforts to lodge a police complaint have failed.

(Compass Direct)
Hindu extremists have threatened four Christian women accused of "forced" conversion in Tamil Nadu state, while two priests of a Catholic high school in neighboring Karnataka state have been attacked. August 5th police led a team of four women from the Good Shepherd Community Church in Erode district of Tamil Nadu to reach a compromise agreement with the person who had accused them of forced conversion. The women had shown a Christian film to about 150 people without incident. Under the agreement, the women are not to preach Christ to anyone who objects or expresses unwillingness to listen. Earlier, in Hebbagodi, near Bangalore, Father Soby Thomas, vice-principal of St. Francis de Sales High School, and school administrator Father Vinod Kanat, were attacked with cricket bats by a group of about 20 people outside the hostel for poor students at Kammasandra.

(Compass Direct)
August 14th, when Vinod Karsal, pastor at the Assembly of God Church in Jabalpur, visited another pastor to pray for him, a mob of 45 to 50 people gathered outside the house, and began shouting anti-Christian chants and broke in. Unable to find the Bible the pastors had hidden, the Hindu extremists planted gospel tracts in the glove compartment of Karsal's scooter and police soon arrived to arrest him for "forcible conversion." Police held him until 11:30 p.m., until raging crowds outside the station baying for the pastor had dispersed.

Ask our Father to defend all these faithful believers who want to please Him. Pray the perpetrators of these crimes will know Christ's love, forgiveness and blessing through the lives of the Christians. Pray God will heal all injured in mind and body, blessing them through their suffering with His strength.


IRAQ (Compass Direct)
On August 17th, Iraqi church leaders issued appeals today for the release of a Chaldean Catholic priest kidnapped the day before in Southeast Baghdad. Chaldean Archbishop of Kirkuk Louis Sako said Father Saad Sirop of St. Jacob parish in Baghdad's Doura district was on his way home from celebrating mass at St. Jacob church at about 6:30 a.m. when his car was stopped by three armed men with masks who forced him into their car. "I think there are two reasons these kidnappings are taking place," Sako told Compass. "The first reason is money. But the second reason is they want to push Christians out of Iraq." Sirop is the second Chaldean Catholic priest to be kidnapped in Baghdad this month. According to Sako, Father Raad Kashan of Baghdad's Battawin district was abducted two weeks before by a group seeking ransom almost two weeks ago. The priest managed to escape after three days in captivity by promising to return to his captors with funds for his release.

Pray Jesus will make Himself known to these priests with a comforting sense of His loving presence. Pray they will be the light of Christ to those around them. Pray God will move in power in Iraq, bringing the message of salvation to many nominal Muslims who live in superstitious fear of Allah.


KYRGYZSTAN (VOM Canada)
July 28th, a church planter and his son were surrounded by a large mob opposed to their ministry in the predominantly Muslim community in Kara Kuldza, Kyrgyzstan. The church planter suffered broken fingers and severe head injuries. Both his home and the building where the church meets were ransacked and all the Christian literature was taken out and burned in the street. The national director for the Bible League in Kyrgyzstan reports that such incidents are not uncommon. Mobs have frequently disrupted worship services and threatened to burn down their homes if the religious activities do not stop. In several locations, the wives of the church planters have been raped when they would not flee.

Pray this church planter will fully recover from his wounds. Ask God to protect him and his family from further attacks. Pray the Holy Spirit will bring many people in Kyrgyzstan to a precious relationship with Jesus.

the pursuit...

At another time, I will go over how I feel pursued by God, others and how I in return pursue others...

But for now, I have homework to attend to.

[n][v]

Somewhere out there

Yeah, a bit of a confession I guess.

Not that I have strayed from what I believe as a follower of Christ or anything else, but I am a rushed human being.
I am glad in a way that school is starting up again, but I would mos def go for another week in Wisconsin, where I just came from, but with my whole family for a change.

I am also kinda on the edge, or edgy as it were; It's due to a lot of things, but I guess it stems from being in an environment that is unstable at times. I'm someone who needs a stable ground to walk on, and when it shakes some, I shake some as well. I am not waivering in anything I believe, but there are more than a few frailities that I've realized about myself for sometime now.

My advice - first to me and then to you all - is this:

1) Listen to God
2)Take it slow sometimes
and
3) Don't be so hurried and worried.

[n][v]

...

On Saturday, my father and I are flying out to Phoenix and then we're driving back in my grandmother's older car.

We plan on making several stops along the way, from what my father has told me, we will be stopping off at Garden of the Gods in Colorado, plus... Littleton.

I'm a little nervous about this part of the trip, due to it being the town of Columbine High School which is where a school shooting took place, but not an ordinary school shooting.

***

more details to come.

start of something good...

This is the camera I bought the other day,
A Canon PowerShot S2 IS.

 

It is a very good camera, here's a photo I took last night...

 

I'm sorry if you are afraid of spiders,
but this was a small spider;

I love the zoom, the video mode, the photo tweaking, etc...

More photos to come!

[n][v]