no internet...

I am not putting writing/blogging/posting photos/etc on hold indefinitely, but it'll be harder for me to post things as a result of my father not paying the internet bill and there has been other things, but for now I am without internet (in which I am writing from the local library).

[nv]

And so it begins...

As of tomorrow, my mother who up to this point has had various tests and two surgeries will start chemo treatment for her breast cancer. I knew some things were going to happen, but some of this I found out today after church ~ some elders and friends of my mom and family prayed over my mom, which I knew she found to be encouraging and as a person who has seen the gifts of the Spirit work within the life of peers and my own self, I do believe that God can heal my mom through this way, His will be done.
During the Sunday School part of church, as I work with middle schoolers, I have come to realize once again that I don't give grace where grace is due; too often I get upset at trivial things, in which I ponder to myself how could you not know? Regarding stupid things, yet it churns up some feelings that best be ignored. I also got a glimpse of Heaven when various kids within the middle school group approached my mom, hugged her and talked to her, some of the kids who my mom knows better than I approached me to talk some and some shared that while they will pray for my mom, they will pray for me as well. What a glimpse of Heaven, what a glimpse of Christian Community
In today's church bulletin, they shared a bit about what Christian Community is to look like, both from the angle of how it should look overall, but also what it looks like within Naperville Presbyterian Church (big "C" - the people, not the building). The community of the Church out in my area varies; I'm not putting it down, but sometimes the message both outloud and subtle is get your act together, then we'll help you in which in my mentoring of a middle school student today, he shared a bit about this, though not intential, it makes me wonder who else thinks in this way...

***

I chose the road photograph because there's a lot of ground that my Amma has yet to cover, both in the process of getting over breast cancer if it is God's will, but also life in general. She is a candle in this darkened world, both in lighting the way for others, but to also set them aflame with the word of God, she has been the major influence in my walk as a follower of Christ.
In her words, this is the verse that's become her key verse during this time:

Psalm 40:2b
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

To my Amma; both physically and spiritually, the road will be long, but His will be done in all things.
[nv]

my [chronos] clock is ticking...

...just like everyone else's...

***

Yet even though I am confronted with it on a day-to-day basis, I mentally flee like Jonah to Tarshish instead of going to Nineveh, I know God's watching over me, but still I plod on like I don't care... these thoughts are only momentary.
I was interrupted the other day by my old sensei from karate the other day (I am training for a half marathon) and the first question he asked me was How old are you now? I told Mr. White that I am 22, in which his face was an oh-my-gosh face, because (truth to be told) I was his pupil 8-9 years ago.
Mr. White smiled and said (in a nice way) that soon I'd be where's he's at, age-wise, that is. Mr. White did not insult me, by no means did I feel the pangs of I-am-getting-older, he said it kindly and I listened to him...

***

If I could always be this receptive to getting older, maybe I wouldn't be so bogged down with various things in my life. I pray that God works on my heart in regards to this, 'cause like it or not, I'm getting old!!! :)

[nv]

a tribute to my mom - Nancy

My mother is an Amma for certain; she has been the one who taught me what the Bible has to say, she has been an influential person in my life, she was my teacher from K-12 (I was homeschooled), she is someone who puts a lot of Kairos into her Chronos...

***

But lately,
she's becoming a bit unraveled; I don't know where to begin, whether it is the recouping from surgery or the added stress of life, but... she is scaring me a little.
I love my mom, I really do, but I am stressed out by a lot of things, and sometimes I feel like I am carrying what weighs her down as well. She has asked me what do I feel/how am I taking her cancer (she's recovering from the cancer surgery, but the road is long and arduous) and I really haven't taken it all in because I have a million things on my mind.
So I guess it's here that I will express how I feel:

***

I feel saddened; that she of all people should get cancer, I am not stating that 'it's not fair' but then again, life isn't fair to begin with. It's just that she what she and we (my family and I) are going through some of our roughest days together and apart, the family ties that bind also cut and open wounds, deep wounds...
I also believe that God will do something amazing through her and her cancer; she has always been a very uplifting and evangelizing woman, but I believe that God will use this cancer she has for His glory.

***

That's the extent of my feelings&emotions about her cancer,
I pray that God removes all of it.
[nv]