8 years ago today...

I remember it so well,
it's a part of me,
it's a part of my story...

[nv]

Cho Seung-Hui

BLACKSBURG, Va. - Long before he boiled over, Virginia Tech gunman Cho Seung-Hui was picked on, pushed around and laughed at over his shyness and the strange way he talked when he was a schoolboy in the Washington suburbs, former classmates say.

In light of the Virginia Tech shooting, I have this to say; why do people think after the fact with school shootings that they knew the person was on edge? In which a lot of people who become the victimizers of some heinous tragedy often are the victims to begin with? A lot of people will state if only we knew and/or if we only did something... this is the remorse a lot of people will have.

When I found out about this I was working out and starting to think about how close it is to 4/20 -- the Columbine shooting, which happens to be one of my Christian birthdays. I really don't know what my initial reaction to what happened at Virginia Tech, but my reaction of now is that though I never did what Cho did, I was one of those people back in the day; I was picked on, beaten up, you name it it happened to me. Back then, I did want revenge on those who were hurtful and abusive, I wanted to strike back at them and let them know what it felt like.

As a youth worker, I don't always put in my best effort to hang out with 'those kids' - you know, the ones that others avoid and that other leaders leave to their own devices (I see this more within the jr. high group). Some of these kids have told me things, things that don't necessarily make my skin crawl, but it takes me back to my jr. high days, back when I was bullied like no other. I want to be intentional and authentic to these kids; I'm not saying they're going to be the next Cho or Eric and Dylan, but I know this: Jesus came for the 'sick,' those in need of a doctor, he hung out with "sinners" the "unlovelies" the ones the world loves to hate. I want to be authentic to these kids because if I come across as if I'm doing this to gain brownie points, then what I have done is a diservice to both them, God and myself.

To those who have been affected by Virginia Tech, I offer my sympathy. For those who remain while their friends, family members, etc. are no longer with us, I am sorry for your loss.

[nv]

This is just to say...

...I am done with this mediocre lifestyle of mine. Something better awaits me, and I won't give up till I have it.

[nv]

Session 2: My mom's chemo...

Well, I'll get straight to the punch: today starts my mom's second treatment of chemo. From what she's told me, it'll be longer (3 hour session) and more draining, which I wonder what is MORE, 'cause I was there last time and she was out and under in less than 5 minutes.
She's losing her hair; my sister cut some of it last week, her ponytail to be precise, it has saddened her greatly that she's losing her hair (sometimes a little bit, sometimes in clumps). I've already informed her that while she loses her hair, I will shave my head (this song comes to mind) so she's not alone in this time with her chemo, hair-wise anyway...

Truth to be told, this is a very trying time for me; While I do want to help my mom where I can and when I can, I'm being stretched to extremes sometimes. I have to balance out my time and all that, but sometimes...sometimes I just want to be alone so I can recoup where needed be on my own. This recouping will probably take place in the form of a job that I'll be starting soon :) which I don't mind, I need some money...


[nv]