Merry Christmas!

Last Sunday

Last Sunday was the third week in the Advent season, I attended the Warehouse church in my hometown of Aurora, if you're from that area and you're in need of a good welcoming of everyone kinda church, this could be a good fit for you. Anyway, I was chilling with some people I kinda-sorta know, mostly through mutual friends, but also at the table I was sitting at there were some young teenagers. When it came to lighting the 3rd candle, one of the pastors invited two of the teens up to talk about a bit of a ministry they helped out last week, and what caught my attention was that one of of the teens invited up to talk was 15 years old and pregnant.
This interested me, because here in front of me and everyone out is this petite girl, a baby herself, pregnant with child. The pastor asked for her to light the third candle while the other guy was going to pray, however she couldn't disable the child proof mechanism on the lighter and so her role was switched and she offered the prayer while the 3rd candle was being lit. As she prayed my eyes welled with tears...
You see, church isn't for the proper, the ones who have it together, the pious and the perfect. Church is for downtrodden, the weak in spirit, the helpless and defenseless. A guy named Brendan Manning wrote a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel and time and time again I read it or listen to it on my MP3 because so often I forget that it's about grace. There is abundant grace for you as well as for me, God gives it to all, there isn't one person who God doesn't love -- GOD loves everyone.
My eyes also welled because the other church I attend since I was young wouldn't have let a pregnant 15 year old girl offer up her prayer or light the 3rd Advent candle. Such realities of life aren't shared and experienced in my other church, if this girl was to go to my other church she would get stares and the gossip would start, there's also the modern day Pharisees who might say things that are not Christ-like. This small act has unraveled me, because this is the church as it should be, this is the church I want to be a part, not apart, of. After taking it all in I texted some friends to give their 2 pesos whether their church would allow a girl like this to play a role in the Advent season, I got mixed results; some friends said yes and others said no because their churches shelter people, I was encouraged and discouraged at the same time for the above reasons.

***

For me:

I want Christ's love to flow out of me thoroughly, I want it splash and soak those that surround me. I want to stop religion when I see it happening, stop do and don'ting God, who are you to make coming to God a thing of work? I want people to realize that all you have to do is come as you are, because too often I find that WASPs are in the mindset that you have to earn favor with God to actually approach God. I want people to realize that prayer is communication is with God, but what does that look like? It's not about bowing your head and closing your eyes and saying words (unless that's your method), there are so many ways to pray! Personally I talk to God when I'm chilling in the great outdoors, I heart it! I also talk outloud while driving (thanks to Bluetooth technology, I don't look crazy!) and even when I am speeding along listening to loud music and thanking God for being alive and experiencing life...this too is prayer.

God isn't contained in a spiritual box, he is in all because he has made all. Everyone that lives, lived or will live is made in the image of God. Not everyone will get to Heaven because not everyone will believe. I want to share what I know to be true with those I come into contact with, words if necessary, but all the while I want to be me, I don't want to be a phony with who I am or with what I believe, I don't want to be seen as a cookie cutter Christian, because there are too many of them out there...the world has seen enough! It's not working, I am here to make a difference in the lives of others with God's help.

~Nathanael~

I'm still here!

I have been pretty busy lately, just finishing up a semester but still working all the while. I am also adjusting living with family, my house...yikes...it was a pretty big mess when I dropped in the few times during the school year, but now... Yeah, home strange home.

I was over in Nashville over the weekend, my sister Hannah graduated from Belmont University. I am proud of her for finishing up with school, I'm a wee bit jealous that I'm not done with my Psych. degree, I'm getting screwed a little bit, but I'm not going to succumb to the crap they've put me through.

I am working about 29 hours a week with the Boys and Girls Club, I love it but come January my hours go down to 21, I am miffed by this (but they'll come back to me as numbers of teens goes back up).

I'm going through a quarter life crisis; so much is swarming in my head at this time, it's like a beehive in my head. Buzzing thoughts are getting to me, thoughts about now and thoughts about after school. In all I have a few plan b's up my sleeve.

I'm sorry this is scattered, I am scattered, I'm broken and in need of change. I will not prepare myself for God, I will come as I am as I always do. So often I see WASPs making their salvation, their beliefs, etc. as a thing-to-do or a thing that requires a work ethic.

Come as you are...come as you are.

[n][v]

What Peter said...(friend, not Apostle)

Being a student in Chicago, seeing people smoke cigarettes or cigars is a daily occurrence and annoyance; whether it’s on the streets, in an alley or at the bus stop, there’s always the bright, flicker of a flame from a lighter and someone puffing rings of thick smoke out of their mouths and unpleasantly into mine. As I start to cough and feel lightheaded from these secondhand fumes, I curiously wonder to myself how many of these classy people could actually be believers, knowing now that there were probably more than I assumed.

But is smoking sinful and can it be backed up by the truth of the bible? Answering this question with a “yes” invites the need for answers to several other questions pertaining to our lifestyles as well. Is it okay to drink coffee, soda and energy drinks habitually? How much is too much? There is a terrible inconsistency among the way Christians view these activities and something like smoking in regards to sin.In order to make the claim that smoking is indeed wrong, it must be examined objectively without prejudice that it also causes these other factors in our lives to be questioned and put under scrutiny as to whether they are truly within the guidelines of God’s word and authoritative truth. This can be difficult, but it must be done if we are to distinguish smoking as sinful behavior or not.

Smoking is one of those things that I always thought looked inherently wrong, but that doesn’t mean it is necessarily judged by the bible as such. It seems that due to its implicit connection to some general teachings from several scriptures and along with support from external scientific evidence relating to the addiction and damaging diseases it causes, it is certainly viewed as both sinful behavior and unhealthy for our bodies. However, the only way to denounce smoking as biblically sinful as many Christians popularly assert, is to also denounce the other essentially “less-wrong-looking” things Christians do regularly that the bible still defines as sinful, which is usually not met with the same enthusiasm as you can imagine. Excessive materialism, addictive caffeinated beverages, unhealthy foods and diets, lack of exercise and becoming overweight are all relevant, everyday examples that Christians should condemn if their claims on smoking as sinful are to be met with any credibility and taken seriously. We are hesitant to admit it, but Christians are slowly discovering that the fingers we so quickly thrust at smokers with are being directed right back to ourselves, uncomfortably pointing out our own immoral blemishes. And when it becomes personal, and we see that our daily lifestyles and habits are put on the same chopping block, proving smoking as wrong suddenly isn’t that important.

To someone like me, smoking may look wrong and sinful, but a person being addicted to caffeine or excessively buying tons of clothes can be argued to be just as sinful, even if it does seem more innocent and ordinary. The problem then ultimately lies not in proving smoking as a sinful act, but in the manner Christians are using scripture to form hasty accusations and make crooked judgments in their condemnation of it without realizing the hypocrisy their lives ironically fall into because of those very same scriptures. In the strict western Christian setting for example, smoking is readily biased against as being immoral because of the nasty health problems it incurs. Paul says our bodies are living temples of God that belong to him and he ultimately demands our respect in what we choose to put into them. Nonetheless, other activities practiced in American society among Christians and unbelievers like unnecessarily eating junk food, not exercising, and being overweight are both detrimental to our health and therefore, just as sinful by the same biblical principle to honor God with our bodies. However, because of their association with the cultural norms in our modern society, they are easier to accept and overlook among the Christian realm. This act of nitpicking the extent of the application of God’s word and choosing which verses in the bible are to be taken more seriously in our daily lives as believers is leading to a wobbly double-standard mindset in Christians.

Smoking is blown up and dramatized to become such a big deal, yet the other things the bible teaches against related to the same values are quietly swept under the rug, never to be discussed because Christians selfishly don’t want to justify smoking as sinful if it means having to put that same label on all the other things they love to do that are equally biblically questionable, but widely and publicly acceptable. I would almost go as far as to say that Christians are fully aware of this loophole, but choose ignorance out of convenience, rather than to practice what they preach or apparently claim the bible preaches (when it suits them of course). Instead, the Christian crowd casually participates in these “lesser” and seemingly more “ordinary” sins that are culturally pleasing to the eye, and says they are simply common to the times when compared to the ultra scandalous topic of smoking. While I do whole-heartedly condemn smoking as wrong and immoral through scripture, even if the bible does not explicitly say to not smoke, I understand that it means I must then hold the other overlooked sins that have become a part of our normal routines with the same regard and not be partial in my judgment; the major point to keep in focus is simply this: smoking is sinful and because of that definition, many other immoral things we get away with in today’s society, no matter how much we try to dress them up to be acceptable, are sinful as well.

The bible teaches against smoking and other activities that damage our God-given bodies, both physically and spiritually. The main verse Christians always seem to reference the most in response to smoking is Romans 12:1, in which Paul writes: “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God –this is your spiritual act of worship.” In conjunction with the previously mentioned scripture from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 pertaining to our bodies as living temples to honor God, this verse further affirms that Christians should please God by presenting their bodies as holy and in full devotion to him. In keeping the bodies graciously given to us, we need to be responsible in maintaining them and smoking severely hinders our response and obedience to that task. Physically, smoking is proven to cause cardiovascular cancer, lung disease and a higher risk of heart attacks. With these harmful results, it’s plain to see that our human bodies are just not designed to inhale the cigarette smoke and function properly, but many people still sacrifice the slow decay and damaging effects inside for the temporary pleasure and release from stress that a cigarette provides for them. In 1 Corinthians 10:23-34, Paul states that while everything is permissible, not everything is necessarily beneficial or constructive, like smoking for instance. Though Christians who smoke may seem okay, they and unbelievers cannot deny the adverse health effects from smoking and the fact that it is guaranteed to shorten their lives, if not make it absolutely miserable as they grow older. Spiritually speaking, smoking can alter a person’s mind and eventually ensnare them into the trap of addiction. The cravings for tobacco can seriously harm our ability to discern God’s will and because of the addictiveness of the substance nicotine that is found in cigarettes, it can wrap up our lives in the habit, getting in the way of our relationship with Him. It is then impossible and foolish for Christians to claim they can smoke leisurely and not fall into dependence. Christians and unbelievers possess the same bodies, with the same features, weaknesses and ultimate end: death. If Christians could argue they won’t get addicted, what’s their reasoning for wanting to be teetering so close to temptation anyway? But even if Christians believe that smoking leisurely does not constitute as sin, they cannot deny the clear implications of the addiction that smoking is guaranteed to lead to, which is a sin because it obviously breaks the 2^nd Commandment: “You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them…” The spiritual effects of smoking on our minds are just as serious as the physical effects on our bodies.

As it can be clearly seen, smoking is both physically and spiritually bad for our bodies and gets in the way of God’s commands for our lives. However, Christians put plenty of other things in their bodies that are just as unhealthy without giving it a second thought. I see an example of this everyday among the majority of the people at Moody Bible Institute right here in Chicago. These people who participate don’t necessarily look like sinners or evil rebels as smokers are often depicted as, but they do resemble normal, law-abiding citizens. They can be students, teenagers, adults, employees, teachers, professors, pastors and basically anyone consisting of your average Joe, holding a cup of Joe, which brings me to my next point. Coffee has always been popular, but for college students especially, its caffeine reigns supreme as the law of the land for those last minute crams for writing papers into the wee hours of the morning. And students aren’t just turning to coffee or simple soda for their caffeine fix anymore. While coffee continues to be the staple source, energy drinks are now the advent of this caffeine-powered generation and are becoming more commonly consumed. But even though coffee drinkers and the like are usually viewed more positively than cigarette smokers, they are still measured crooked by the holy standards of the bible. The caffeine in these beverages is still physically and spiritually bad for our bodies, but it gets less of a reputation for being sinful because it simply looks normal. Surprisingly then, caffeine has the greater potential for leading to sinful behavior because the addiction or health effects aren’t as negatively seen or discussed, as in the case with the college crowd where it is viewed with a lighter connotation. Smoking however, is fiercely advocated against and campaigned early on in schools and to kids in health classes for the secular reasons of it just being physically bad for you. So while smoking is seen among most Christians and unbelievers to be bad for you (at least physically), caffeine is more widely accepted for both because of its lesser effects, causing a deception for those that are Christians that stress the bible’s commands, as opposed to those who don’t care about the spiritual aspect anyway. Mildly drinking coffee can’t be warranted as sinful, but when it becomes an everyday routine and you can’t fully wake up without a cup, then it becomes the same issue as with being addicted to smoking. In a way, the physical repercussions of caffeine are directly connected to the spiritual side effects; once someone’s diet becomes heavily involved with the caffeine from coffee, soda, or energy drinks, their body will physically grow dependent on them and show withdrawal symptoms of fatigue, headaches, lack of concentration, restlessness, and sleeping problems if they don’t continue to feed their caffeine cravings, which leads to the spiritual problem of using caffeine as a crutch that hinders their devotion and relationship with the Lord, making it sinful. When it gets that far, and people can’t even get out of bed without depending on their morning coffee rituals or always have bloodshot eyes from the caffeine keeping them up on those late nights, it’s obvious that there’s a problem. Nonetheless, this bias of treating caffeine differently causes Christians to be hypocritical when they judge smokers as sinful by the bible, for the bible seems to condemn both activities.

In closing, we Christians now more than ever, need to be consciously aware of our faith and value our obedience to God more than we value certain activities or lifestyles that may seem normal because of our culture, but are still sinful in God’s eyes. In a fast-paced, changing world that can easily trip us up in these situations and cause us to be hypocrites, we need to humble ourselves and continually seek God. We should not seek the temporary comfort from the material things of this world or put them off as just easier to accept than to make a fuss about, but we should test everything by scripture and glorify God in all that we do. Indeed, in Romans 12:2, Paul further urges to not conform to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by renewing our mind so we can properly see and discern God’s will. Smoking and coffee may be some of the things we have to give up even if our surroundings tell us it’s normal, for as believers, we are not made into the image of the world, but designed in the image of God’s.

Th-Angst-giving Day

This year I am angsty about Thanksgiving; it's been nearly 2 years since I've celebrated Thanksgiving or any other major holiday with family, last few (not including Independence Day) was spent with my now ex-fiancee and her family. This year for Thanksgiving I will be spending it with my relatives in Wisconsin (yea!) but up to a few days ago I was been given a lot of family drama.

Ugh, I hate family drama, it is probably the #1 form of drama I hate with a passion, here's how it went down:

Initially I was going to visit the relatives with my mom (this is her sister's family), but somewhere along the line my father contacted that bunch of relatives and mentioned that he would like to go up to have Thanksgiving with them. Somehow my mom got word on this, and because of my parents split that happened 2 years ago, they told him NO you cannot come up...but he intended to go up even though he got a no.

My mom, panicky and timid as she is in regards to my father, tells me no, that she's not going up there if he is -- her drama is non-rational; he's not going to go up, it is just a scare tactic to keep her from going to visit her sister and other relatives, he's just saying he's going to piss her off.

"Fine" I tell her, "I'll go celebrate Thanksgiving with them ALONE", then she tells me that my uncle and aunt won't let me or any of the "kids" go visit them for Thanksgiving if none of our parents are going; this is utter BS in my opinion, I am 24 years old, I have been up to my relatives house without my parents before, so have my sisters...

This is the stupid s*** family related drama I have to go through, that WE kids are exposed to. In my mind, I have a mom, I have a father, but my family is defined by my 3 sisters and myself, in fact most of my sisters have this mentality.

But I received good news; I have the go ahead, the green light, to have Thanksgiving with my relatives! :D

So as far as things are concerned, it all looks good -- even though I will be asking my mom some questions that have been lingering in my mind and hanging in the air, I pray that I get honest answers, I pray I find out the truth.

[n][v]

I like the darker things in life...part one

Disclaimer: I am a follower of Christ and I like the darker things in life, I'm no ball of sunshine, I am me(which means I'm a realist and I'm chock full of melancholy). I enjoy the darker things of life...questions? Feel free to ask them.

I like Guinness (oooh! Sinful! )

I like cigars (oooh! Sinful! )

I like dark movies

I like dark music


etc...

Liking the darker things in life isn't a bad thing, but it does get a bad rap sometimes. I am a follower of Christ, I am angsty, I get pissed off, I have bad days I rather stay in bed and sleep, I hurt, I ache I scream obscenities into the darkened sky because life sucks.
All the while, God provides grace and love and mercy and tenderness and characteristics that I will never possess on my own, take love for example. I truly believe that mankind is not capable of loving itself and others, love is not an innate quality of man. I believe that I don't possess one drop of love on my own but God, working in me and through me, has given me love that I cannot contain, I want the love God has given me to splash out on everyone I come into contact with. Love is defined in so many ways, a while back I even posed the question of defining love and everyone I responded shared a different facet of love, which is good, because that's how love is!
Another not innate but in Nate quality is patience; I am a patient person, when what I am waiting for takes place right away, but if I have to wait, say I'm expecting something in the mail or planning life apart from school...yeah, I'm not patient then. I want right away at times, I can be childish and immature for what I want and cannot have right away. I am learning and relearning time and time again that I need to wait on God's perfect time and direction, to wait and not to take things s-l-o-w-l-y, which is a very difficult task for me, especially since I'm a college student. I want the degree to get the job to get going to get the future I want I want I want! Me Me Me! God hurry up now! *sigh* I digress at how impatient I can be at times, but I'm getting where I need to be and waiting and being patient

***
Back to darker things: I guess I like the darker things in life because I have seen a lot and I have been a part of a lot of things where I see God at work, but all the while (from a human perspective) it just sucks. I have worked with my church's middle school group for close to 6 years now, they're a great bunch of kids but I have seen the kids go through the crap of parents getting divorces, parents getting on their kids for not getting better grades than their already good grades, kids just feeling lonely and apart from what's going on, kids who don't have a lot of friends, kids who aspire to be the popular ones, etc... This is life and this sucks! I wish I could bring the kids through this dismal life, but what would that really do, it would probably get them dependent on me for helping them through, I can't risk it but I can offer up hope and encouragement and sometimes the-hey-let's-grab-a-bite-to-eat and say what you need to say. In my high school years my Youth Pastor was influential in my life in this area, he let me vent where I needed to, he was the adult I could go to and let him know what was really up.

I think some other Christians might have a problem with my dark side (it's not all encompassing, but it is noticeable), they might be like cheer up! God is good! Be happy! blah blah blah... Yes, God is good, but to those who have this tone of I should "cheer up", have you stepped outside your Christian bubble/fortress to see what's going on in life today? There are wars, genocides, national pandemics, hate crimes, crimes carried out because "God told me to", brother against brother, poverty, destruction, chaos, turmoil and apathy...How I can be thoroughly cheerful in a broken world? How can I consciously go through life in a everything's-A-Ok mode? I cannot, but more importantly, I will not...

To be continued

[n][v]

I think God's trying to get through to me...

In regards to my consumer whorish ways; I went clothes shopping today, I spent 45 minutes looking for some cool new threads and then, I starting thinking and feeling different -- do I really NEED new clothes even though it won't affect me monetarily? Why do I need more?

I walked out of the store empty handed...

More on my thoughts about this later.


:::EDIT:::

So lately I've been thinking about my spending habits and the spending habits of others, extremes in particular; take rap/hip hop music videos, they're predominantly about cash girls cars and more cash, some even throw money literally in their music videos, like yeah I have it and I will do with it as I please and then I think of people who wire money back to their families (it seems commonplace with some Mexicans in my area), and then there's me, I have bills to pay and yet I'm still a bit of a dependent (changing even now) on my parents, but I still have a bit of change that I can spend as I'd like to...or can I?

That's where God has been talking to me, I have and I want, but do I truly need MORE stuff in my life? I so desperately want to use less and give more and I think I am getting to that point where I want to act out accordingly. I'm also thinking missionally; that if I'm not going to places and friends are, I def. can help them out, I don't need it but they def. can use it for something bigger than I, than themselves, no sweat off my shoulders, I want to help even if I'm not the direct one who's helping.

Money is not a bad thing, 2 years ago I might have said so in my Walden and Into the Wild period of my life, plus you throw in jokers like Joel Olsteen who preach a Gospel of God wants you to be rich and etc... I do want to be successful, I do want to make some money in my life, but I don't want to throw it around and away. I want to invest in the lives of others with the money I make, give them the money and then have them give me a report of what they've been doing but more importantly what they have being.

So, the planner in me has thought out a few things:
1) Pay up what I owe sooner by putting more money out
2) Start saving more for later/post college/etc.
3) Invest in the lives of others, directly or indirectly, w/o expectations of reimbursement on a monetary level
4) If investing indirecly, get involved directly -- perhaps not to see the task to completion, but to have a hand in
5) Start investing in the one's the world views as unlovely
6) Pay it forward; the concept of the movie works for me
7) Start spring cleaning; I have too much, I am a consumer whore, I can give away stuff...free garage sale anyone?

God, I hear you and I want to be less of a consumer than I am. Thanks for getting through to me.
I love you father, I want to do and be more, for your glory and not my own.

[n][v]

Always have a Plan B*

In all things, have a Plan B*

This has been an internal mantra of sorts, whether work or where I will move out to once I'm done with school, I have a Plan B...for most things. I did make it a faulty clause that isn't so faulty by saying that out of the things I never have a back up aka Plan B for is LOVE.

Yes, the girl I was with, Cassie...broke up with me :( It's stuff in her life, a really complicated mess (the things, not her life). She knows what she has to and how she'll get there, it's just a case of time in her life. Everything I said was true, my love for her was real and was for her and her alone...never did I have a girl to the side or 'that girl' to fall back upon in case Cassie and I didn't work out.
Love opens you to a lot of good and a lot of bad, you have to take both, there's no separating how you love and what comes with love. Cassie was someone who found out about the real me and the shit I have to go through on a daily basis and also what my family dynamic is really like. I thought she would have left me that day and never spoke to me again...but honestly and earnestly she grew close to me, we fell in love...and now...49 days after I asked her out, she broke up with me. I am hurt, I admit it, but I am glad we still can talk and discuss things and yet I am brokenhearted all the while.
She said Love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly and I could say that I saw Cassie in that light too, it's just a shame that it was a relationship that lasted only 49 days. 49 days doth not make a relationship...She didn't want to have a short unreal relationship, sadly we did.


***

In all this, I never had a Plan B. Love should never have a Plan B.

***

I'm thinking once again what I am going to do when I get out of here aka graduate ;)
I think I might go back to my thoughts about moving to SoCal, mainly because it is a nice warm environment but selfishly...selfishly because no one knows my name, no one knows me, staying here right now is a drag. Cassie's a local girl, so I'm sure I would see her a lot if I stayed in my area, and I don't mind seeing her and hanging out with her, but I might be resorting to what I do when I get burned by individuals or some other setting; I never return, never. I hope I'm not going back to how I did things, but right now I don't know...I just don't know what I am going to do.

[n][v]

Jesus and proper places...

"Help me find my proper place..."

I, and so many people I know, wish that right now (right now!) we had an idea where our proper place is. I think that's an open ended question, because for some it is work, others it is relationships, but for me it comes down to what I want to do with my life and also who I was intended to be. I have learned over the years that I want to be a Youth Minister part time and work with kids the other part of the time in a non ministry setting, yet I understand that even in a non ministry setting, it is still a time to Preach the Gospel, and to use words when necessary.

I am also praying, hoping and working towards many teleological goals, one is a combined pair: to be an active husband to my wife-to-be and to be an a dad to my children. Some of this stems from the obvious, but some of it comes from wanted to break a generational curse; I haven't had an active father figure in my life, and seeing/experiencing this, the toll it took on me, my sisters, my mom and my family dynamic...Yeah, I don't want that for my wife or kids.

I am also someone who wants to help people find their proper place, the place where they belong. My lovely girlfriend Cassie wants to find what she's lacking in life, and with God working within me, I want to help her get to that place as well. We are in this together; life shouldn't be gone through alone and so often I think the ones in the ivory towers do themselves a disservice by staying there instead of getting off and getting their hems dirty. Life...what can I say? We all experience it, the good and the bad alike, I want to help where I can and however I can.

People might question my reasons, wondering what's in it for me and such. I don't have a catch or something I'll demand out of someone for my help, I have been helped a great deal growing up and still I am being helped, which I sometimes am reluctant because I don't feel deserving, that I have fallen from grace and I am too low to ask for help. Yet God reminds me of His love; that He loves me for who I am, not what I've done or where I've been, his love is deep and pure and unconditional, His love is better than any I've ever experienced and it relieves me and comforts me.

So to my readers, my Xangamigos, I want you to know that I will help you find your proper place if you need it. Just let me know how and I will do so to the best of my abilities.

~Nathanael~

It's October already...

Wow!

0_O

Shouldn't suprise me, really, but my school semester clock is ticking

^_^

Wow! O_o

The amount of rain coming down due to Ivan,
reminds me of the massive flooding we had here in this part of IL in '96...

Half a life ago O_^

I don't know what to think...

A day of fun in the sun...

Today I started off my day fishing with my sister and father, here are some photos:

All that I caught...

It wasn't a good day even tho we had live bait -- large leeches -- it sucked. My fishing season hasn't been that good, and yet some aspects of it keeps me going back.

---

When I got back, Cassie and I went on another date; we took photos, went to a few Mexican grocery stores and purchased some food to make and eat. After dinner we just sat around and talked about different things, it has been good to open up and be REAL (authentic) with someone else in my life. She is definitely a blessing in my life, God's timing has been great.

Here are some photos from our date night:

 

A beautiful day spent with a beautiful girl  It was fun to take photographs with someone, since it's mostly my thing in my family I do it alone...It's been a while.
Have a good Labor Day weekend, off to the Michigan Sand Dunes tomorrow, and of course my camera'll be coming along, hopefully I get some good photos of things I didn't take last time I was there.

[n][v][photographs well with others]

The best...

of what I took will be coming to you in letter form Cassie, but for my Xangamigos here are few from my trip to the dunes yesterday.


going backwards with these...

Nothing special, just part of the joie de vivre

Since I'm back on campus, I'm trying to think of what I should take a photo-a-day of, there are some cool trees, but I remain undecided. I was thinking a photo-of-me-a-day, but I like to photograph, not to be photographed...unless certain people do it (this means you Cassie).

Off to study and then, maybe some late night photography! It's inevitable...

:D

I'll stick to writing here, knowing that you have dialup. It'll keep you from going off and about for 15 mins for my other site to open because it's my photo blog.

Grinning like an Idiot :D

That's the big news in my life,
I am in love with love, my heart started loving again for love's sake.

How did this all come to be?
Good question, my friend Cassie and I spent almost all of Sunday together; we made chocolate cheesecake asses, drank wine and smoked cigars, but within all that, she helped me to get out of the dust and discarded unloved pile...and I started to love again.

It's written on my face if you see me,
it's written on my work's asphalt if you see it, large font size 1500, words saying I AM FREE TO LOVE AGAIN and LOVE WINS.
I'm grinning like an idiot, I even left it on while I fell asleep,
sure I was in a car accident, have school problems and I sprained my ankle shooting hoops with the boys last night...but I'm in love with love again, it's been close to 6 months since I've felt this...since I've felt love.

Whether giving, receiving, sharing, etc forms of love
I am in love with love once again

Love
Love
Love,
It's not all that you need,
but it makes life palpable.
I hope I can give it back to her like she gave it to me,
we all need love, she definitely needs love in her life.

Thanks Cassie,
for making the last day of summer the best day of summer.

[n][v][love's love]