So I decided to take up Peter (Youth Pastor of Christian Worship Center) and his advice to get spiritually busy, not boring, this week. I spent a great deal of time in prayer as I worked and I spent some time doing my regular devos... I say this not to brag, but just mentioning how I was spiritually busy...
Well, satan apparently did not like the fact that I was busy in this way and so this is what happened this morning...
I was asleep and dreaming about the future with my wife, son and I, and it was very realistic and visible - dreamwise. In my dream, I was holding my son and talking to him in babytalk and he was smiling.
At that time in the physical world, I physically felt something land on me with a thud, in which it - a demon - stabbed me in the back and in my head, in which he physically paralyzed me and he altered and destroyed my dream.
My dream continued, but to my shock, my son died in my arms and it took on disgusting characteristics, such as horns, demon eyes and triangular teeth. I tried to break free from this attack, but the demon persisted. I then mustered up as much strength as I could at 5 in the morning, and I rebuked the demon in Jesus' name. Then, and only then, did the demon leave.
This happened this morning, satan is trying to attack and break my family apart, he has even gone to my mother to negotiate some things she does for God's kingdom...
Don't ever think that both worlds (physical and spiritual) are apart from one another,
both collide with each other.
Going on by God's strength alone,
Nathanael
(Jesus Loves You in Russian)
One of the places in which I worship besides my home church (Naperville Presbyterian Church) is Church of God in Downers Grove.
Now I have been attending this church for over a year, on and off due to college amongst other things. I was invited by a classmate of mine at Waubonsee, I was intrigued because it was (and still is) predominantly Russian Charismatic.
Now my home church is Presbyterian, and the stigma on the Presbyterians is that there's no swaying, no clapping and such things associated with church of this nature, very true for my church for the most part and because of it, we're known as the "Frozen Chosen."
Back to the Church of God... I haven't much knowledge about Pentacostal and Charismatic churches except for what I've read but never experienced, so when I went to Church of God for the first time, boy was I suprised! They're really big into the gift of talking in tongues, so...yeah...I'm surrounded by people who talk in tongues (but I'm a bit skeptical, later blog post).
I enjoy it greatly!
Not because of the jumpers, the speaking-in-tongue people, or the pastor who delivers great messages. I enjoy it because I connect with God in a way that is outside of my norms and my culture, I'm a white suburanite who loves God, but not in the way that is like this. I admit that because of my mental barriers, I do not jump with the rest of them, I don't know- I don't feel comfortable doing such.
So, if you're the type who like challenges, go to a church sometime in the near future that is different than your usual place of worship, for example - if you're a Baptist, trying going to a Presbyterian... But this is just an example of an extreme case! Just kidding.
Going on by God's strength alone,
***nv***
This is in reference to my job,
because I am getting affirmation from my co-workers and from my boss; the good job and pat-on-the-back sort.
Now in my stupid human mind, I've been feeding off of this for a short time! I (in my mind) have been soaking in the glory of doing a good job... God has a way of smacking the proud around, and simply put, he got me to my knees!
Ya see, I was working hard today and yet God was telling me that regardless of what I was doing, I wasn't doing it with a good heart. God nudged me into doing some lowly and on my knees (literally!) work, this was painful and made me feel very guilty of my previous attitude of being better than my co-workers.
All in all,
it was a good day, a good and tiring day, but I'll be taking a nap soon and I'll be able to recover for the same stuff tomorrow.
chao and God bless!
[n][v]
Waiting, Praying and Moving forward...
As I think and observe life/etc. in the quietness (hard to find, yet I have some.) I am listening and hearing things that I once didn't;
As if my pulse comes to a stop,
as if every noise is blocked out,
silence...
peaceful silence.
I reflect various things in these moments of tranquility,
as if I have to prepare myself for rougher times ahead
or perhaps back into the world with all its pain and suffering, which I still feel in some ways during the silence.
The hardest part of silence for me is when it stops,
when life picks up where I left it,
and the noise...it drowns me sometimes...
A silent life, I'm sure I could do with one,
silence of the non-human sense, I like the sound of rain falling, birds chirping, wind blowing in the breeze and such things as that.
Well-
Back to the noise...
[n][v]
I was driving and listening to some Five Iron Frenzy, Dandelions to be specific, and this is a part of the song...
Lord, search my heart/create in me something clean/Dandelions/you see flowers in these weeds...
And...well, it made me sad at heart; You see, there are a lot of flowers in my life and yet I sometimes I treat them like the weeds they aren't.
I actually have a good record of not losing friends, but sadly, those that I have lost I regret...
I need to see past the flaws, which isn't easy for me to do or anyone else for that matter - everyone is a flower in someway, but I...I too easily spot the weedy characteristics.
And... a final poem, a gloomy one, yet such poetry is what flows out of my soul.
Untitled Girl 1
She...
She looks out into the abyss,
She tries to smile and yet-
Yet her eyes are wounded by tears,
her ears are hurt by the audible pain,
her smile is genuine, but she can't hide the pain well from me.
I feel your pain, I really do-
My tears go out to you and I pray,
I pray that this will all be over for you soon,
In this life...In this life.
May God enwrap you in His love.
***nv***
This is to be tired, not bummed...
T'was a good second day at work, it started off slow but it picked up quickly. I spent the first 3 1/2 hours taking out trash; the reason why it took so long was because I had to take out trash from the classrooms, but also from what was left in the hall by the teachers, which was okay until several of the bags I tossed out (unknown to me at the time) were too heavy and so they split! I was pissed! But I kept it on the downlow and proceeded to finish up the work... After taking out the trash, most of the day was cleaning and dusting classrooms, this work was easy, but very time consuming. That was the end of the day.
Here's a synopsis of the people I'm working with;
Dave - An older guy, a Oklahoma native who used to ride bulls for a living...quite the character and his southern drawl is authentic.
G - An older guy, has done this job before and he's very friendly and easygoing- I don't know how anyone good get on his bad side.
Mike - The boss, new to the job, but he's very helpful and friendly.
Jeremy - The other college student, History major at Aurora U. and is very helpful and easy to get along with.
God gave me a wonderful day,
but as a result of working hard- I am t-i-r-e-d!
Chao!
[n][v]
My new job...yeah, early mornings! This is a pic of the clock at the time I woke up or close to it. Basically it is a job in which I do random janitorial services... In a way I am doing the same things I do for my family (sans painting) for 9 dollars an hour.
I am not used to an early morning, but I did get to see the sun rise over the horizon, it's been a while since I've seen one of those.
It is good to have a full time job, I'm glad it doesn't severely mess with my days because I get out at 2.
On a sad note, my sister's cat (Abbey Cat pictured with little Ben.) passed away 2 nights ago... Abbey (give her some love or a kind note, or both!) is saddened, we all are saddened.
Abbey Cat was 12 years old, she was a wonderful pet for my sister and for all of us, she will be missed. This also happens to be the last photo I took of her.
[n][v]
Now this isn't a spiel about me being holier-than-thou (I'm not), nor is it a case to burn books (I don't think so), but rather a sarcastic trip into sexuality in books...
The spiritual world is beating loudly in my ears, it is not a two dimensional world, but it is one that is active in the life in all saints and sinners (though we're all in the latter category). How it strains against my heart sometimes, how it pulsates with the tension of good versus evil, God versus satan... As always, satan is trying to break me from spiritual limb from limb, I feel the pain in a spiritual way, but in a physical way as well.
This old body of mine is tired, it wants sleep and yet it does not come. It is time for change from within that will flow outward...I can feel God moving; not only does God move, but he changes things for the better.
I am reminded of the hymn It is well with my soul by Horatio G. Spafford in which this is why he wrote it...
"This hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford’s life. The first was the great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially (he had been a wealthy businessman). Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford’s daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford’s wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, “Saved alone.” Several weeks later, as Spafford’s own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, the Holy Spirit inspired these words. They speak to the eternal hope that all believers have, no matter what pain and grief befall them on earth."
Triumph in the midst of tragedy and yet it is well, it is well, with my soul.
Such has been my life,
my spiritual life has also been on this up and down path for quite some time now, but still...God is still in control, and I can say that it is well with my soul albeit at times it is sung quietly and not outloud.
[n][v]
