Always have a Plan B*

In all things, have a Plan B*

This has been an internal mantra of sorts, whether work or where I will move out to once I'm done with school, I have a Plan B...for most things. I did make it a faulty clause that isn't so faulty by saying that out of the things I never have a back up aka Plan B for is LOVE.

Yes, the girl I was with, Cassie...broke up with me :( It's stuff in her life, a really complicated mess (the things, not her life). She knows what she has to and how she'll get there, it's just a case of time in her life. Everything I said was true, my love for her was real and was for her and her alone...never did I have a girl to the side or 'that girl' to fall back upon in case Cassie and I didn't work out.
Love opens you to a lot of good and a lot of bad, you have to take both, there's no separating how you love and what comes with love. Cassie was someone who found out about the real me and the shit I have to go through on a daily basis and also what my family dynamic is really like. I thought she would have left me that day and never spoke to me again...but honestly and earnestly she grew close to me, we fell in love...and now...49 days after I asked her out, she broke up with me. I am hurt, I admit it, but I am glad we still can talk and discuss things and yet I am brokenhearted all the while.
She said Love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly and I could say that I saw Cassie in that light too, it's just a shame that it was a relationship that lasted only 49 days. 49 days doth not make a relationship...She didn't want to have a short unreal relationship, sadly we did.


***

In all this, I never had a Plan B. Love should never have a Plan B.

***

I'm thinking once again what I am going to do when I get out of here aka graduate ;)
I think I might go back to my thoughts about moving to SoCal, mainly because it is a nice warm environment but selfishly...selfishly because no one knows my name, no one knows me, staying here right now is a drag. Cassie's a local girl, so I'm sure I would see her a lot if I stayed in my area, and I don't mind seeing her and hanging out with her, but I might be resorting to what I do when I get burned by individuals or some other setting; I never return, never. I hope I'm not going back to how I did things, but right now I don't know...I just don't know what I am going to do.

[n][v]

Jesus and proper places...

"Help me find my proper place..."

I, and so many people I know, wish that right now (right now!) we had an idea where our proper place is. I think that's an open ended question, because for some it is work, others it is relationships, but for me it comes down to what I want to do with my life and also who I was intended to be. I have learned over the years that I want to be a Youth Minister part time and work with kids the other part of the time in a non ministry setting, yet I understand that even in a non ministry setting, it is still a time to Preach the Gospel, and to use words when necessary.

I am also praying, hoping and working towards many teleological goals, one is a combined pair: to be an active husband to my wife-to-be and to be an a dad to my children. Some of this stems from the obvious, but some of it comes from wanted to break a generational curse; I haven't had an active father figure in my life, and seeing/experiencing this, the toll it took on me, my sisters, my mom and my family dynamic...Yeah, I don't want that for my wife or kids.

I am also someone who wants to help people find their proper place, the place where they belong. My lovely girlfriend Cassie wants to find what she's lacking in life, and with God working within me, I want to help her get to that place as well. We are in this together; life shouldn't be gone through alone and so often I think the ones in the ivory towers do themselves a disservice by staying there instead of getting off and getting their hems dirty. Life...what can I say? We all experience it, the good and the bad alike, I want to help where I can and however I can.

People might question my reasons, wondering what's in it for me and such. I don't have a catch or something I'll demand out of someone for my help, I have been helped a great deal growing up and still I am being helped, which I sometimes am reluctant because I don't feel deserving, that I have fallen from grace and I am too low to ask for help. Yet God reminds me of His love; that He loves me for who I am, not what I've done or where I've been, his love is deep and pure and unconditional, His love is better than any I've ever experienced and it relieves me and comforts me.

So to my readers, my Xangamigos, I want you to know that I will help you find your proper place if you need it. Just let me know how and I will do so to the best of my abilities.

~Nathanael~

It's October already...

Wow!

0_O

Shouldn't suprise me, really, but my school semester clock is ticking

^_^