A note I found at work, I call it "good spelling leads to salvation"

Now here's a passive aggressive arguement discussion, between two individuals, I found it while cleaning up at the library I work at prior to closing.

I'm a follower of Christ myself, and honestly I don't read the Bible as much as I like to rather than I should, because we've all have been there at times with people in our lives who say you gotta read the Bible, you ought to read the Bible -- or else you're not a good Christian.

Now by those standards, a good Christian could also be the one who attends church every Sunday, and you know what, if that's a part of being a "good" Christian, I don't want to be good.

I personally would rather worship God out in my community by serving the homeless, or playing with the kids of the single mom and taking time just to hear her out instead of heap some unneccessary judgment on her head for having kids out of wedlock.

I would rather live a life outside the church (building) and live among the various children of God that God puts in my direction, that's my church. Serving God by serving others is what I love to do, it's my passion and it keeps me from growing complacent in my faith.

It keeps me from being a "good" Christian.

That's all I have to say,
Nathanael

Recap of the Gay Pride Parade

The reason why my three friends and I were at this year's Gay Pride Parade could be summed up in the following quote, which actually is what The Marian Foundation's founder Andrew mindset is as follows; "...it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge, and it's my job to love. And that's what I'm here doing." (Billy Graham)

Our job wasn't to judge, our judge wasn't to convict, but it was simply to love and share God's love with those we came into contact with. Here's some photos (not mine) of what we were expressing to the people in the parade and those around us:

Well it started with driving into Chicago and parking in the neighborhood of one of the guys from TMF, we arrived...and it started raining! We (my 3 friends and I) weighed out the pro's and con's of the weather, whether we should drive downtown and find a spot there or a parking garage or brave the elements and head over to the red line el, catch it and get off at Addison. We chose the latter.

It started clearing up a little as we headed to the el station, we weren't drenched but we were a bit wet. We actually boarded the right line but headed in the wrong direction! But thankfully with getting off at the next stop and waiting for the next el, it just put us back 5 mins, no worries.

After getting off at Addison we walked down to the IHOP, again we went in the wrong direction (this wasn't our fault) but after getting our bearings we finally met up with TMF. After getting our shirts that say "I'm Sorry" on the front and the website to Andrew's/TMF blog, we headed over to Starbucks.

On our way back from Starbucks our first (of many) conversations with people at the parade started. A lesbian approached us & asked what we were sorry about. I kinda was the leader of my 3 friends, so I shared with the woman that we were sorry for what she might have experienced directly or indirectly from other Christians, that God doesn't love them, that they're worthless or something of that nature. She was kinda taken aback by our apologies, but she sincerely offered up an "I forgive you" to my friends and I, and about that time her partner and a few of their friends met up with her and so she introduced us and what we were sorry about and this too stunned her partner and friends. From there they wanted a group photo, my friends and I but also the woman and her partner and friends! Our photos were taken and with mutual have a good day we made our way back to our spot outside the IHOP with TMF.

***

On a side note, my prayer of that day was "God give me a heart of flesh and nerves of steel", because I didn't know what to expect going to the Gay Pride Parade, I heard rumors from my mom which instilled some doubt and some fear into me.
I don't cope well with doubt and fear at times, but I didn't want this to break me from going to the Gay Pride Parade and bringing the love of God, bringing restoration to individuals who might have had some bad experiences with some very unloving and judgmental Christians...and my prayer was answered many times over at the parade.

***

So my friends, TMF and I watched the parade, and granted the shirt did get mixed signals from those in the parade, and yet for those that "got it" it was amazing (you can read some experiences Nathan from TMF experienced here). For those we interacted with as we walked around, we took the time to address what we were sorry about, I was quite pleased that we all shared from our perspectives (our talks were different and yet shared the same message) and it wasn't met with hostility, but most of the time people offered genuine forgiveness to what we were sorry about.

At the end of the parade there was a guy by the name of June who noticed our shirts and so we conversed with him as to what were sorry about. He "got it" and was happy and forgiving, he was also very loving and he shared how while I was his type he wasn't going to cheat, he did invite ALL of us to his birthday party this weekend coming up and what he said painted a picture to me of what the kingdom of God is like, June said;

"It's not a black thing or a white thing, it's not a gay thing or a straight thing. It's about coming together and having a good time together."

And for me that's the kingdom of God, there isn't segregation or ________'s only, it's for everyone!

I'm glad to have gone and sincerely apologized to those around me, I'm glad to have gone with friends who are sincere about what they believe and take it out to the streets, take it out to where the rubber meets the road because that is where it truly counts.

~Nathanael~

On the eve before the Gay Pride Parade I have a few questions for ya

Just curious.

1) What are your personal thoughts about homosexuality
2) If you are religious, what does your religion have to say about homosexuality
3) If your views about homosexuality conflict with your religious views, why do they?
4) If your views about homosexuality don't conflict with your religious views, why don't they?

I'm interested in this because I know that Christians sit on both sides of the fence on this one, but I want to see what Muslims/Jews/Sikhs/and other religions have to say.

Thanks,
Nathanael

I have an unnamed phobia (maybe)

it's not that I mean to, but I do.

I sometimes (in social settings) depart from the crowds without saying goodbye or see-ya-later to anyone...am I alone in doing this? I don't know where it stems, but I do know the hardest goodbye was the day my fiancee broke up with me, choking on tears as I made my way to her house, choking back the tears as I played with the boys who I called

my sons for the last time, choking on the tears as I left and she closed the door.

She closed the door on what was US, she closed the door on me being a dad, and so much more.

I am over her, I am capable and ready to love and be loved again...

Yet my settings, hmmm...

I could easily pick up a girl for a one night stand or a physical fling, yet I want neither.

I could meet your stereotypical Christian girl in one of the churches I attend or become a regular at a bar and strike up conversations with the ladies around me, but I want neither.

So I will keep on praying with my eyes open, looking for my June, looking for love in right places, not good-enough places.

*sorry for the sidetrack*

Anyways, I do seem to leave without saying goodbye, I don't know where this stems from and I don't know how to break this..any suggestions?

~Nathanael

Gay Pride is on my mind

Well because I and some friends are meeting up with people of The Marin Foundation.  I am excited to go and BE the church to individuals who may have not experienced Christ's love but the church's wrath towards homosexuals, directly or indirectly, and maybe they have experienced Christ's love through the church, but I can't say all or some in this matter.

The word of what I and my friends (including the pastor's son) are doing has spread around my church, and initially I was a little bit hesitant; okay, so what are they going to say about __________? My anxiety was self induced, because when I've open up to my bros and sissies in Christ at The Warehouse, I've received nothing but love and affirmation for what we'll be doing.

*sigh of relief*

Because in some of the church circles I've circled (and since exited) there was a mentality of US vs. THEM, us God fearing, Bible verse memorizing, flannelboard using heterosexuals...against homosexuals, because they surely don't love God because they're "walking in sin", right?

...Right?

...Right?

I never thought that way, I did at one time have Love the sinner hate the sin in my arsenal of things-Christian-guys-steeped-in-the-church say, I shudder when I think I said something as stupid as that.

Well I got better as they say on Monty Python, and in my growing I've gotten to know individuals who are like minded and like hearted as to getting out in the trenches and off their knees in church. It's not so much a battle of us versus them, it's a battle of what we hear versus what we should do. Definitely we should take in God's word, but we should ultimately apply it. It's a shame and a waste to learn and not do, I'm sure God nods his head and sighs when he sees his creation not loving as he loved, not showing mercy to those who are and aren't deserving of mercy.
Perhaps we love others as much as we love God? Perhaps we should love others as much as we love God.

I have learned a lot over my 25 and soon 26 years of life,
and I still have much to learn,
but I truly think that if we love the ones the world (and church at times) loves to hate, this thing of hate will no longer exist, and perhaps we'll make this world a better place. Let love ring loud and strong, let us love with not words or tongue but in action and in truth.

~Nathanael

An open apology to followers of Christ everywhere

I wrote this a while back, but I don't think I ever posted it here...

I am sorry for those times you ask me "how are you doing" and I offer up a "fine" or "good" answer. I, in my cowardice, feel out of place sometimes when you (I'm writing to the whole, so I'm speaking as to the whole) ask me this question because one or more of the following;

1) Do you REALLY care about how I am doing?
2) Do you want the truth or do you want a FINE or GOOD answer?
3) How do I know what I say won't be gossiped about behind my back? Or how do I know it won't be shared and people will look at me with contempt as being "that guy"?

I have been burned by you all time and time again, but my focus isn't so much on you but rather on God. I pray to Him and talk to Him on a daily basis, like it was mentioned in my church today "communication builds relationships", I guess I don't have a relationship with as many of you as I would like...but I am getting there!

Please body of believers in Christ hear my apology, hear that I don't mean to give you the fake shitty answers, it is just a reflex after getting hurt from the past. I'm kinda shy and I'm kinda under the "once bitten twice shy" umbrella though my bites have been more than once, I'm still shy but I still try.

I'm reaching out to you, not all of you, but those of you who pose this question but follow it up with REALLY. I know some of you truly care for me and my welfare and you truly want to know, so I offer a truce and suggestion:

If you ask I will earnestly tell you the truth, but in return I ask that you mean what you're asking, truly mean the words that come out of your mouth as well as your heart. Human beings have the potential to love and destroy with the same mouth, love me, don't destroy me with your callous words, would you want that to be done unto you?

I will be real/authentic, it won't be pink pastel pretty but sometimes it will be rough around the edges and gritty, you have to accept that sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and it isn't good, but you know what? God is.

God is still good in my days where I feel like staying in bed all day,
God is still good when Fuck comes out of my mouth more than Love,
God is still good when I don't hear one encouraging word from another person in a day,
God is still good when I break down in tears and frustration because of events I cannot control and cannot get over the feeling of feeling so powerless...

Anyway, God remains good in all things. I will try my damndest to be real with you if you truly mean what you say and say what you mean.

Thanks, I love all of you.

~Nathanael~

It's been interesting

to get my thoughts and emotions out on paper instead of out here in Xangaland.
I've been more honest to myself about the life I've lived, I've been more honest at pointing where blame lies; sure a good portion of the problems in my life have been caused by me, but by digging deeper I recognize so much of it is generational, so much of it is a hand-me-down I could do without.

In a moment of bravery perhaps instilled by the second pint of the evening last Tuesday, I let a guy I know into the real me, the ins and outs as to what really happens within my life. He handled the truth well, it was no suprise when he thought I had it together (or at least more together).

I don't have it together,
BUT-
But I think maybe, possibly, God is preparing me through all this shit I have gone through and still go through for something better in life. Something that gets me to where I need to be, something that to all the ones who may have scoffed at my potential I will give them a collective fuck you for what they said or for what they had done or for what they didn't do.

I think that'll be my pound of flesh extracted,
instead of taking it out against others in a violent manner as I've done in the past,
I will succeed, go above and beyond what ever they thought of me and to the mean people, the haters and the doubters -- fuck you!

That works for me, it honestly does.

***

Well back to life as I know it, I hope to drop in on my xanga birthday if not my real birthday, to which both are approaching quickly.

Have a good day and a better tomorrow,
Nathanael

I'm returning to writing

As in blogging, but more so in pen and paper.

A lot has unfolded in my life and while I do like photography, sometimes writing is more therapeutic to me as for expressing what's really going on in my life. I won't bore ya with the details, but I just can't deal with my life surroundings any more, I will get out eventually but I can't afford to with the job I have...so I'm between a rock and a hard place currently. You take that and throw in the weight of some friends problems, I should learn to let go but I can't...

I hate the feeling of inadequacy,
I hate the feeling of progress made and yet slipping back down a slope,
I hate that I'm not where I want to be at in life at this time, if not for a few moments of life and shit hitting the fan, I think I'd be in a much better place but I'm not.

So I'm out of here as far as posting photos, if I write it'll be a bit more real as to what's going on in my life, I know I won't get slandered or judged here, but even if I were I really don't have anything left to lose.

I truly recognize that life for me is shitty but God is good to me and is helping me out even though there are some mornings I would rather just sleep the day away...In time I'll be on my feet and have a better life to wake up to, heck I might have a better camera by then!

So I'll continue to write and post photos...but with less frequency. I will cling to my father in heaven because he's been there through previous times in the valley, I will continue fighting this shit and not give up because it would cost me more to surrender.

Have a good day and goodbye for now,
Nathanael

This song kinda sums it up...

I got published again!

This time around for a kids book in Brazil! Apparently publishing houses troll flickr accounts for creative common photographs, if they like they get in touch with you and they'll publish you. Granted I didn't get paid, but I did request two copies of the spot-the-errors and I guess that's my compensation. Yet it's still fun to be published, getting paid for my photos will happen, all in due time...

[n][v]

The ying to my yang, my goodness with my badness

For myself personally, I like to do at least one random act of kindness per day, but also one random act of treason/social anarchy a day. Before you write me off as some crazy type of weirdo, I want you to know the acts of treason and social anarchy do NOT hurt anyone, in fact what I do is more good than bad, except for the store owners...but read on, will ya?

Well my random acts of kindness, I rather not disclose, because would they truly be random if I gave away what I did? I don't need a pat on my back for my kindness, I know that God smiles at me, that's all I need :)

When it comes to my random acts of treason/social anarchy, here's one example of what I do: If I am a grocery store and I am waiting to purchase my items, I will turn the front covers of all the magazines around so that the back cover faces out. You might ask yourself "so how is this treason/social anarchy?" Well think about the magazines that are for your purchasing "pleasure", for the most part they're enticing you with a way of life that not everyone can achieve: worldly wealth, products, a skinny body, etc. Yet it also says "that if you DON'T have this you're undesirable, you're ugly, you will not attract a significant other, you will grow old and lonely."

Now I know that women and their image can sometimes be distorted as a result of what the media says you should look like, what you should have, what your boyfriend/husband should be like...I digress, so this is why I do it, I do it primarily for the ladies! ;) But I also do it for the guys, the ones who get it locked in their minds that their S/O should look like Britney Spears, Madonna, Lady Gaga, etc.
Some guys can start saying to their S/O's "Hey, you should look like _______" and I find that demeaning to women, when the comparisons game takes place (and I do recognize this happens to both genders) and then you have two people who start loving less and start looking for that "perfect" person.

Here's the thing, the body breaks down over the years, the looks that one might have in their 20's won't be what stays around when that person is in their 70's. As many of you know, I am a follower of Christ, and here's a verse that sticks out to me in reference to inward beauty versus outward beauty;
1 Samuel 16:7
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
I find myself, after many years to look for someone who looks for someone who has a good heart, not too long ago I wrote out what I go for in a possible girlfriend, my top 3 were as follows; 1) Someone who loves God 2) Someone who loves others and 3) has a good sense of humor. Granted, dating someone who is not a follower of Christ is something I am open to as well, but to take it beyond dating is something I'm not too keen about, and so perhaps it's that reason why I look and pray with my eyes open in regards to relationships; to find my June, to fall in love again, to care for another individual in a way that only boyfriends/girlfriends can, to have someone I can share what I love with that person, to be real/authentic of what's really going on within my life without feeling judgement or timidity that I won't be liked by that individual any more, and I won't lie, I miss the physical aspect of being in a relationship as well.

So recognizing that looks are fleeting and yet that's what our culture sells as the "must have" for women (but also men) one of the random ways I commit a random act of treason/social anarchy without harming anyone except for those who aim to peddle such filth to the general public.

~Nathanael~

It all starts with LOVE...

So today I decided to wear my LOVE shirt that I received from one of the churches I attend, I was to be in a skit but something came up last min and I couldn't...but I still got a shirt that says love on it.
Anyway, as I was driving to JU this afternoon, God...the Holy Spirit...a combo of the two, kinda spoke to me about the people in my life I don't actively show love to; oh sure I love a bunch of people, but sometimes due to circumstances on my part it's not an active visible thing, and that's when I started feeling God's presence in regards to a group of individuals I can share His love with in a tangible way AND perhaps patch up some of the partially destroyed bridge.
Get this, I intend and plan on going to the Gay Pride Parade in Chicago this year, June 27th I want to go withs some friends and hand out water bottles to those I come into contact with, to share with them a small token of love. I'm also thinking I'm going to bring along a "confession booth" of sorts, not for the whose who would come in to confess, but rather my friends and I taking turns at confessing and asking those who would come in for forgiveness on behalf of the church and how it has treated those who are gay, by treating them like second class citizens or worse.
I've been learning in my Integration of Psychology and Theology how the church picks on homosexuals as making it "the worst sin" or some other rhetoric as a result of perhaps excusing other behavior and yet adding to it by saying "well at least I'm not a homosexual" as if that were a better way to justify their behavior. That is wrong, morally wrong, and I intend to offer up sincere apologies for this behavior.

As I said, it all starts with LOVE; Loving one another as Jesus loved us, He was the best example of love this world has ever seen, and I intend to let his Love flow through me and out on the people I meet this year at the Gay Pride Parade.

[n][v]

Christian Girls are Boring*

*Boring as a result of the stereotype that represents them, to which some Christian girls act the part and/or their environment says they should be a certain way. To the Christian girls who read this, this is somewhat satirical and somewhat serious at the same time, I'm sure you know of ways to say that Christian Guys are boring under the same or similar context.
I plan on getting back into dating (building stronger relationships with a girl prior to dating) and sometimes I wonder if to avoid the stereotypical boring Christian girl, maybe I should be looking for her outside of church/related environments that couldcultivate a boring girl, but that's just me...read on, okay?

Christian girls are boring to me because the ones that fit the stereotype are a bit too consumed in some areas that I don't find desirable, but what makes a Christian girl boring? Good question, well for me it goes as follows:

1) Someone who thinks her biological clock is ticking VERY quickly; as in, a good portion of her friends are young 20something wives and moms. It costs A LOT of money to support oneself, but to bring in another life and be dependent on it is another ordeal altogether, how many can say they're financially secure right after school? I mean, unless you married someone who's an oil baron who doesn't need a spouse to work, you and the guy you're married to will BOTH need to work to support each other, bringing kids into the world while not being somewhat financially secure is bad idea in my opinion. You will have plenty of time to make some kids, don't worry, until then get on some form of birth control.

2) Someone who reads Ephesians 5:22 out of context; yes, the verse that says wives submit unto your husbands, but to just take that verse and not look at verses around it as well as the context is no bueno in my book. Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands, but the following verse shares how husbands need to submit to their wivestoo. I do know the girls who read only v. 22, and sadly I also know the guys who read v. 22 as well and expect their girlfriends or wives to submit until them...the shame of it all is that girls buy this verse.

3) Someone who views things go in two different boxes; there's the God box and then there's the box for everything else. The breakdown of separating things in terms ofsecular and sacred gets to me, everything is spiritual, all truth is God's truth. No need to complicate things and make laws that aren't of God.

4) A girl who doesn't have views she claims as her own; well my pastor said... well my mother said... This really isn't cool to me, for what truly matters to you in your life, please express it in terms of well I believe... It makes me happy when anyone states opinions that they believe in terms of I, because even if I don't agree with you, the thoughts you just let me in on, they're your own, major propage to ya!

***

In a nutshell that's why I find Christian girls boring, yet I recognize these traits can be found in Christian males as well, so I guess the fight is on equal terms.
What do you think? Are Christian Girls (and Guys) boring or not?

[n][v]

My thoughts on Romance Novels

Since I have a position now at the local library, I spend a lot of time shelving books that come in and I'm putting a lot of Romance Novels, here's a cover of one:

I have a lot of guff/issues with Romance Novels, to which it seems oxymoronic (more moronic than oxy) to even add romance to the title of the genre.
Even bringing it up to my coworker, she's with me when I say there's nothing romantic about such books, there isn't a healthy form of intimacy that is portrayed in the books and none of it is really realistic...yeah, I'm sure finding mutual attraction, a bit of wham bam thank you ma'am and you're good to go, but...hmmm...

Romance novels to me equate to emotional pornography
Romance novels will continue to be made
Romance novels will continue to sell fake intimacy/fake romance
***

I am a romantic, I like to the please the senses of the one I am with; whether that comes from cooking a homecooked meal or even just being with my SO. I believe in love and even though I've been burned by love in the past I know I will love again/be loved and fall in love, again.
Yet these books sell fake intimacy and fake romance, a flash in the pan compared to what could be a white hot flame that burns strong...tell me ladies, which would rather have?

[n][v]

Advice, Knowing when to speak and knowing when to keep silence and everything in between

Now I'm kinda an advice guy; I give it, I receive it, I hear different views on subjects that interest me, I answer Yahoo Answers time to time, but one thing I can't stand is when people offer up advice that 1) they cannot follow themselves 2) they have no experience in the thing I'm asking advice for or 3) they've been outside the realm of said question and therefore they really don't know what it's like in modern time...

This time around, it was the advice from my father who shared with me his two cents on how to procure a job. Sure, he's quite successful at what he does (but at what cost? Another question for another day) and yet my relationship to him isn't father-son, it's more business/busyness than anything else, to which to say my father and I are distant, would be an understatement, but I digress...

Anyway, his approach on procuring a job is kinda radical and kinda dysfunctional, it's not the first time he's given me work-related advice, so it's kinda old hat the things he says. Well over the Christmas holiday I got an interview with a place I've been going to for a while now, the local library if you must know, and I met with one of the nicest librarians I know, so from the getgo, and the interview went smoothly. Guess what?

I got the job! *happy dance*
but to me the victory was more I didn't follow his advice at all.

Now it might seem wrong to rejoice in not following my father's advice for procuring a job, but I went in, spoke from my mind and my heart (especially what do you want to do when you're done with school and related questions) and sold my self well to the library peoples, and I was sold and I got the job!

***

Xangamigos, so often when advice seems necessary, silence might be the better option than talking. Advice should be given, but words should be limited and sometimes silence is all that is required, simply by being there might outweigh anything said in the moment.
- If you know your shit and advice can be given, go for it.
- If you know that words will outweigh silence in importance, go for it.
- If you know the person will be more responsive to words and you have some that'll help that person, go for it.

Yet remember silence, and use it if you need to.

[n][v]

Last night I feared for being a parent-to-be

I'm currently single, but sometimes working with kids makes me wish I already had a few of my own, but last night I feared being a parent, to which my mind "shut off" at 3am because I was thinking A LOT about it...

***

Last night I was working with one of my church's youth groups, the newly appointed youth pastor and his wife, Pam and Jim*, also brought their kids, Elle and Jay*, two cute little kids who have a lot of energy and are honorary members of the youth group. I was playing with them, mostly with Elle, engaging him with bouncing a ball to him and him handing it back to me, and then out of nowhere he makes a beeline to Jay, grabs her by her neck and throws her down. Now Elle's little himself, but he is still the older brother and is capable of doing this, so I pull him off his sister, but he comes back to her again and again to try to throw his little sister to the ground. Pam and Jim help with stopping this from happening, but I saw Jay starting to throw herself on the ground before her brother could do it. I could see the fear in her eyes, ahelp me and hold me look of desperation, I held her several times just to keep Elle from getting at her and she normally doesn't like being held by me (still a little shy around me) but she let me because I was her escape, I was her protector.

...Did I mention that Elle has autism?

***

Now I know a bit about the Autistic Spectrum Disorder, through a class calledExceptional Child, through studying ASD on my own, through reading what other Psychologists have said, through watching documentaries on those who have it or featuring those who have it... needless to say, I have a bunch of head knowledge on ASD, but am willing to learn more, for Pam and Jim, but also for me, to which (I figure) my head knowledge kept me up to 3am, my body was asleep but my mind was playing over the night's scenarios between Elle and Jay, but also what I know...and for that I developed a bit of fear as a parent-yet-to-be.
I am by no means ready to be a parent (I thought I was, but that's a closed chapter in my life, moving forward...) but I was gripped by fear last night/this morning with thoughts of what if I have a kid who has Autism? What if he (more boys than girls fall on the Autistic Spectrum) is on the lower function end of it? What if I need to keep him from grabbing a sibling by the neck and throwing him/her down on a constant basis? These thoughts threw a curveball at my intentions to get a good night sleep, alas I struck out.

***

I don't know if my kids will have Autism (Is there actually a way to see if it is genetically locked within my DNA?) but I know that as a Psychologist and a father-to-be I will have to take more classes, learn more about ASD, but ultimately love my kids unconditionally and work with them and enforce positive reinforcement and help them to get out their frustrations (to which it's hard to release some of that for kids with Autism) in a positive way. I leave it entirely in God's capable hands, and I intend to learn more -- for my sake, but also for Pam and Jim's sake, it shows on their faces that they're a bit drained by Elle, I want to help them out as their friend first but as a Psychologist second.

[n][v]

*Not their real names

Why I'm here on Xanga

I got on Xanga about 4.5 years ago, I had just started going to Judson University and at the time they had blocked a lot of popular websites including (what was) my online social network; MySpace. They blocked a few other known websites at the time, such as Facebook, Youtube, etc. As a blogger for close to 8 years I wanted to find a place where I could write, a place where I could build community, and Xanga was it.

My school actually has a Xanga group (it's still here) and for a while it was a place where I could read about what other JU students had to say; a few of the guys from my floor were on Xanga, as well as people I worked with at the campus library, a few of the commuters I talked to on a regular basis were on Xanga as well.

While I might have a lot of friends here on Xanga, this is what enters my mind when I befriend someone on Xanga: Perhaps this could spark a real life friendship, perhaps this person could help me out sometime and I could help out him or her.
Recently I've been going through some tough times; family shit that hit the fan- HARD. I was talking to one of my online to real life Xangamigos just when some of this was unfolding. She could hear in my voice how much it hurt me, how I felt lonely and perhaps even terrified at the events that were going down. She stuck it out with me even tho she was on one end of the phone and I on the other, she was kind, caring and concerned for my welfare in the midst of my trials and tribulations. Tell me this, is that not what a real friend does for you? Doesn't a real friend care for you and hopes life gets a bit more palpable?

From the getgo, I wanted to develop community and relationships with people on Xanga. I didn't know how but I'm glad to say that some of that has come to fruition, to go from online friends to being real life friends, to transcend the digital world and make real world friends. Some of the people who I got to know here on Xanga first have become some people I talk to on a regular basis, people who I truly consider my friends, Xanga should be about building community and yet the opportunity is also there for not doing that; if you don't want to interact apart from leaving comments and posting stuff, that's fine, that's your prerogative, I'm not gonna guilt trip you into to becoming more interactive.
Yet I recognize that we as humans have been designed for community, we are made to interact with others (maybe not all the time, but part of the time). There's a reason why there are groups of Xangamigos out there who plan get togethers and such, because even if we just know each other through this social platform, we're all human; we all share common themes, we all are all made of flesh, we all have our good days and we all have our bad days.

I'm not on Xanga merely to get out what I have to write, or to use this platform to share my poetry (it doesn't happen that often IRL as it is) or to show off some photos I take every now and then, it is about community and building relationships here that might become real life friendships. We're all in this thing called being human together, we all have our own dreams and desires that we want to take place. I was made for community and so are you!

This is why I am here.

This is why I am on Xanga.

~Nathanael~

No one talks about eating disorders pertaining to men...why is that?

(This stems from thoughts I had while getting a mandatory physical and a drug test for a job I've yet to start...)

I don't suffer from an eating disorder, but I very well could have growing up...

You see, when I was in my preadolescence I was heavier, in my adolescence I was heavier, when I was in my early 20's I was heavier...see the trend? Yes, I am 218 pounds and only 5'8, I am fat, I am overweight, but as I try to fit working out into my daily routine, I don't have the time for it now.
Now it's not that I don't care, I truly do care about my body and my health, but juggling school/life/now work...yeah, I'm sure I have the time somewhere in there, but I'm not the best at time management, getting there, but not yet.
Yet when I was younger I wanted to be fit; I was involved in a lot of athletic extra curriculars in my schooling (home school, mind you, K to 12) but I still a bit of a gut. I did have some success in keeping my weight kind of in order back when I would workout an average of 2 hours a day, I was dedicated to it but I still had some girth I [wished I] could do without.
What made it worse was that some family members pointed out my weight; hey you should stop eating as much (true I cut back some, but really? Is that being helpful?), hey you're fat (I am, thanks for pointing it out )... Yeah, I didn't need that pointed out to me, but it struck me as a double standard when I was told never to ask a woman's age or weight, don't call women fat... Now I know I'm not bombarded by media saying I should look like ________ or if I don't weigh __________ I'm not attractive, but still it affects me some when girls go for guys or guys go for girls based just around looks, how shallow! I might be heavier, but I have a good sense of humor, I know how to take care of a lady well, I am polite and I have a lot of positive attributes going for me that makes me a good boyfriend and in time, a good husband. Yet when I was younger, I did eat less because some people labelled me fat, I didn't binge and then purge, but I heard a voice in my head (negative voice) saying I shouldn't eat as much and as a result I'd finish eating dinner early, I'm full when I wasn't...

***

Now I don't know the stats when it comes to eating disorders, but I can venture a guess when I say that for females that either every girl has had an eating disorder or has known someone who has had one at one time. I wonder what can then be said about men and eating disorders, I'd hate it if we're the odd ones out, the ones swept under the rug and forgotten, because it does affect men and how they think they should look and something should be done about it.

[n][v]

3rd Paper for Integration of Psychology and Theology

Engaging God’s World – Chapter 2: Creation
When I think about creation I reflect on some vacations I have taken and what I have seen; the woods of Wisconsin, the Pacific Ocean in Florida, the mountains of Colorado and the glaciers of Alaska to just name a few. Being in the great outdoors is where I love to be and for me it is where I connect with God the best; whether it is in the midst of pine trees tall and richly scented or among flowers that are full of color and are full of intricate design. For as much as I love the outdoors, my first love pertaining to God’s creation, His handiwork, isn’t found in nature but rather in humans.
Oh humans; skin color, eye color, hair color, ethnicity, height…and so much more, for we are all made by God, we are all Imago Dei’s (images of God) and yet we are all created differently. Granted we share traits that stem from our parents, but our strands of DNA are all our own at the same time. God in his awesome creativity of mankind hasn’t some cosmic copier that he uses to mass produce mankind, but rather like a skilled artist who knows how to utilize the palette can make so many variances of one particular subject, God the artist knows how to make us all so very different and yet so similar.
Yet in the midst of creation and even the creation story found in Genesis, there’s the seventh day, where God rested. God’s example of taking time to rest is something us humans need to observe; for as we go through our routines of life, school, work, etc. I think we forget that we were not made for these tasks but these tasks were made for us. We also need to recognize that working is a part of our lives; it probably would have been an easier existence if Adam and Eve did not sin, but that’s just speculation.
In my desire to integrate Psychology and Theology together in the area of creation I would offer those who speculate if God actually created all of this, to which I would probably get loud and boisterous and simply state to the skeptic, “Have you ever been outside?” Life is covered with the fingerprints of God, all of life points to something bigger and better, something divine and otherworldly. I’ve watched videos from the perspective of scientists (particularly Carl Sagan) and it is bittersweet to hear him talk; from one end there is his series about the cosmos (simply titled Cosmos) and you hear him talk about universes, black holes, solar systems, galaxies, etc. and it brings me to tears to hear about how vast the universe is and how it is structured, but it also brings me to tears that Carl Sagan, a very intelligent man, still speaks of the cosmos as something that just happened. Life didn’t “just happen”, it wasn’t a fluke or a cosmic oops that made everything, there was divine purpose in the creation of everything.
God created this world and everything in it, he also created the cosmos and everything it as well, and when he was done creating it he said “it is good”. God is a creator and a redeemer, though we have missed the mark, he still sent Jesus to come and live among us and then die for not only our sins but for the sins of everyone who was and is and who will be here long after we ourselves have passed away.
My desire is to reach out to others; to serve others and help people recognize the beauty in all creation, that God made all this and that it is good. Through him is life, through him is goodness, through him we can know him and his plans for us.

[n][v]

2nd Paper for Integration of Psychology and Theology

Engaging God’s World – Chapter 1: Hope and Longing
Hope is a four letter word, but the possibility of what it could mean goes so much deeper; the hope for success in “the real world”, hope for doing better where previous generations have not, hope for taking the gifts God has given me and to utilize them for his kingdom – both now and when I finish my degree. These are actually things I hope for and long for.
Hope is a dream that I believe all humans dream, but dreams do not come to fruition if they’re kept in an unconscious state, the dreamer needs to wake up and act upon his dream, the dreamer needs to see his slice of hope carried out to fruition otherwise what’s the point of hoping? Plantinga states that “people yearn for a time gone by” (p. 3) but I truly wonder if they long for the hope they once had which never came about or the naiveté of thinking those times were better times. I truly believe that we should take what we remember of the past – both good and bad – and dwell on it ever so briefly, but move on to the present, move into the future. We cannot go back in time to those moments in our lives, we move linear and we have to go forward but I am fully aware that there are moments where it is hard to move on.
When it comes to hoping and longing for me as a Psychologist, it’s for that time in my life where what I have learned in my classes, learned from studying, learned from applying finally thoroughly “clicks” in my mind, the light-bulb-above-the-head moment, where what I have learned makes sense in its entirety; I understand a lot of what I know from a Psychologist’s point of view, but some I figure I will grasp when I’ve been in the field a bit more, when I’ve experienced more of life. I truly enjoy what I have been learning for the most part, which makes the Masters Degree process difficult for me, but I will deal with that once I get there, for now I have to take care of my undergrad.
As a Christian I truly hope and long for the time when I get to live out my dreams and passions in regards to my calling (Youth Ministry). I have been doing youth ministry for close to 8 years now and eventually I want to get into doing it on a fulltime basis. My plans, dreams, hopes and desires for this year (as I’m school) is to make some contacts and present myself to some Young Life clubs in the southern California area, so that maybe once I finish my undergrad I can transition quicker with doing Youth Ministry out there, youth ministry in southern California is where I’d like to be at least for a while.
The reason why I have hopes and longings is because if I didn’t I might think less and do less; why put effort in if nothing will come of it? But I know that if I have some ideas, both ones of my own but also God given ones, I can do something with my life that transcends me from where I’m at right here andright now. I also recognize that my hopes and longing don’t only pertain to me, but they are for a larger audience as well; Youth Ministry is instructing and equipping kids, but also their parental guardians, their communities, etc. There are so many people who get influenced by the message of the Gospel that it goes beyond transforming someone’s life, but rather lives.
In my pursuit of my hopes and longings I know I will get there, but for what I trust in God but I also have to have an active role and to do what’s required of me to get there, I cannot be a bystander but someone who goes the distance to make these hopes and longings a reality.

[n][v]

First paper of the semester!

I like writing, a lot, and for this class I'm taking (Integration of Psychology and Christianity) I will be writing, a lot.

This is kinda filler for the time being, until I finish my Christian Girls are Boring* post, so enjoy...or not...but do! Hehe.

Nathanael Vitkus
Engaging God’s World – pages IX to XIX
Cornelius Plantinga Jr. is quick to suggest that Christian individuals have the upper hand when it comes to learning, I couldn’t agree with him more. When it comes to learning, whether on our own or in classroom settings like this one, we who are followers of Christ are able to get a better sense of God’s creations, his purpose for all this, the meaning of life, etc. God in his infinite wisdom and intelligence has designed us humans with a brain that not only control different functions within our bodies, but the capability and capacity to think.
Thinking not only in regards to our own lives, but to life as it is around us. Thinking isn’t solely based upon what we know through the lens of others, but it is also about developing our thoughts and opinions. From a personal standpoint I am not only a thinker, but a questioner; I like to pose the harder questions at times because sometimes they’re not brought up but also sometimes they need to be asked even if an answer doesn’t come to the surface. To me, questioning is not a bad thing because it not only stirs the proverbial pot but it also helps people to take their thoughts and get them out there. Sometimes questioning is the catalyst to make people think more about what they believe on the subject matter.
I recognize that through this semester this class will help me to take the concrete ideas pertaining to Psychology and what I believe as a follower of Christ that are locked away in my head and to get them out in the open. As an introspective person this is a challenge that I eagerly accept, because there are times in my life where these ideas are caged up because I am continually mulling over them as to whether I’m right or not and sometimes they don’t materialize as a result of my thought processes. Yet within this class lies my chance, my opportunity to write them out and perhaps even expound even more on my thoughts and beliefs in both Psychology as well as Christianity.
As Plantinga said; “every Christian naturally speaks the faith with his own accent” (page XV), I too wish to develop my accent this semester even more than I already have. So when situations present themselves I can be better equipped when it comes to integrating Psychology and Christianity. Not just of what I believe, but why I believe, not just for my own personal betterment, but for the betterment of others as well.
[n][v]
P.S. The writing will be brief chapter summaries, quality over quantity, my thoughts on it, etc. I hope I don't make any enemies because I'm going to speak my mind...and sometimes even verbally, because the Professor wants us to share with the class 4x in the semester what we wrote.

No one talks about eating disorders pertaining to men...why is that?

(This stems from thoughts I had while getting a mandatory physical and a drug test for a job I've yet to start...)

I don't suffer from an eating disorder, but I very well could have growing up...

You see, when I was in my preadolescence I was heavier, in my adolescence I was heavier, when I was in my early 20's I was heavier...see the trend? Yes, I am 218 pounds and only 5'8, I am fat, I am overweight, but as I try to fit working out into my daily routine, I don't have the time for it now.
Now it's not that I don't care, I truly do care about my body and my health, but juggling school/life/now work...yeah, I'm sure I have the time somewhere in there, but I'm not the best at time management, getting there, but not yet.
Yet when I was younger I wanted to be fit; I was involved in a lot of athletic extra curriculars in my schooling (home school, mind you, K to 12) but I still a bit of a gut. I did have some success in keeping my weight kind of in order back when I would workout an average of 2 hours a day, I was dedicated to it but I still had some girth I [wished I] could do without.
What made it worse was that some family members pointed out my weight; hey you should stop eating as much (true I cut back some, but really? Is that being helpful?), hey you're fat (I am, thanks for pointing it out )... Yeah, I didn't need that pointed out to me, but it struck me as a double standard when I was told never to ask a woman's age or weight, don't call women fat... Now I know I'm not bombarded by media saying I should look like ________ or if I don't weigh __________ I'm not attractive, but still it affects me some when girls go for guys or guys go for girls based just around looks, how shallow! I might be heavier, but I have a good sense of humor, I know how to take care of a lady well, I am polite and I have a lot of positive attributes going for me that makes me a good boyfriend and in time, a good husband. Yet when I was younger, I did eat less because some people labelled me fat, I didn't binge and then purge, but I heard a voice in my head (negative voice) saying I shouldn't eat as much and as a result I'd finish eating dinner early, I'm full when I wasn't...

***

Now I don't know the stats when it comes to eating disorders, but I can venture a guess when I say that for females that either every girl has had an eating disorder or has known someone who has had one at one time. I wonder what can then be said about men and eating disorders, I'd hate it if we're the odd ones out, the ones swept under the rug and forgotten, because it does affect men and how they think they should look and something should be done about it.

[n][v]

Against all Odds (take a look at ME now)

'Twas the night before first day of classes...

Today I went back to school after taking a year off; some of it was financial reasons and some of it was personal, but I am damn happy to be back.

Why? you might ask, well it goes like this.

When I was very little my parents talked about college, about their experiences and what a college degree can do for you! Needless to say I wanted "in" on this college thing, I didn't know what I wanted to major in but I was already being indoctrinated in the ways of I want a college degree and I won't succeed in "the real world" unless I have a degree.

Now since then I have figured out what I want to major in (good thing to do btw, especially since I'm in my Senior year ) and what I will be doing with that degree (and very possible down the road -- Master's degree) and all the things that go with it, but here lies my crux. In my 25 of living, I have met plenty of individuals who are successful in what they do, and get this, without getting a degree whatsoever! It doesn't irk me that they're doing well without, it does irk me that my mentality has been get the degree = better job, life, et al. It can make a difference in one's life, but some things override that, such as experience.

I question even now if there will ever come a time where a degree counts, but experience in whatever field is weighed as something more valuable, take for instance me and Youth Ministry; I have 7 going on 8 years of working with jr. high and high school students, para-church and inside the church, upper socioeconomic statused kids as well as lower socioeconomic statused kids, I have experienced a lot in my time and I have what it takes to get into my calling full time...but I don't have a Youth Min degree (almost did, but that's another story).

Anyway, I've been in school on again and off again for close to 7 years, and I won't rationalize why it has taken me so long but some factors include not having the money (which was the case for me not returning to school last year) and taking care of my mom as she went through chemo therapy, etc. pertaining to her breast cancer (I was her primary caretaker).

I'm excited and nervous, but ultimately determined to do what I need to do, to take all the classes (4 left! w00t!) I need and finish up strong.

And as Slim Shady sang about me; Guess who's back, back again
and the theme song from that show in the 70's; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
I'm back at school,
I'm back at finishing my undergrad degree in Psychology,
I'm nearing the finish line and I'm not going to slow down for anything (God willing).

I'm glad to be back, I've already had some good conversations with Professors rather than friends, but all in due time.

And where to from there?

Well I aim to make connections to people I know and some Youth Ministries out in Southern California, get connected here and then plug in once I graduate out there. That's the plan and the goal for me! But first things first, my undergrad degree, damn it's good to be back on track!

[n][v]

Carl Wilkens: The last American to stay

The other night I had the opportunity to hear Carl Wilkens at one of the local homeless shelters in my hometown. Now prior to hearing him speak I didn't know much about him, the extent I knew of him at that time was what was mentioned on Facebook; an adventist pastor, a speaker and then I saw something else the only American to stay in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide (underline for emphasis).

The only American to stay in Rwanda during the genocide, one of the worst genocides of the late 20th century, I had to hear him speak. One of my NYE/NYD resolutions for this year goes as follows; To be more active -- politically; whether it's by way of writing letters to state Senators or by protesting/marching against things the government stands for but I do not, I want to step it up more than just talking politics. Well I figured that part of my NYE/NYD resolution could be partially achieved with hearing Carl speak, since I have been learning more about genocides and how our government has been involved as well as not involved, plus I didn't know that much about the genocide in Rwanda apart from brief snippets in one documentary I saw as well as the movie Hotel Rwanda.

Well I arrived there a little late and I wish I didn't, there were more people than I expected and certainly more people than they expected. I talked a little bit to a couple I know and shortly there after Carl Wilkens was introduced and then he started his presentation.

Carl Wilkens was quick to state that the Rwandan genocide and genocides of past do not occur quickly, but rather they are planned and premeditated way in advance. He mentioned that some of the people who premeditated the genocide attended a university in Toronto, to which some people are trying to figure out the classes they took et al. but they're hitting some walls because of privacy rules pertaining to students in general. The genocide inflicted upon the Tutsis by the Hutus occurred as a result of differences that they themselves did not create, but rather the Belgian/French government stated differences which was put onto the I.D's of the Rwandans which stated whether they were Hutu or Tutsi.


The sad factor of the genocide was that there was a presence of foreigners; Carl expressed that the genocide probably could have been avoided by way of Americans and others just being there, he said that presence (and not a military presence) could have been the deciding factor whether that genocide occurred or not. Another factor to outside help that could have prevented this genocide was by simply standing up (metaphorically) and stating that no, we as a group of people will not let this happen, we will stop it...but it never did happen, there wasn't help from outside countries, but rather the UN and troops from outside governments came in to take out those who were foreigners to begin with, not to deal with the growing tension of the Hutus to the Tutsis.
As a result of what was done as well as what wasn't done, 800,000 people died in 100 days (the length of the genocide). As I listened to what Carl had to say, my heart was filled with pain as to what wasn't done by outside countries (especially the American government), but also just the sheer hatred among groups of people.

***

I don't know how the 21st century will be perceived, I don't know if the next 100 years will top the prior 100 years as being the bloodiest, but I will do my part to make it better. I am only one person, but it takes people like me and people like you to make this world a better place, not just for those you love and hate but also for those I love and hate. Genocide's stem from thinking that the world would be better without (insert group of people here), as an individual I aim to keep from thinking that and encouraging others not to think that way, to embrace difference no matter how different it is.

This is what I learned in more detail from Carl Wilkens, I'm glad he came to speak.

[n][v]

Her presence is known...by the evil one.

As some of you know, my sister Hannah left for a missions trip today. She will be visiting 11 countries in the next 11 months, the countries she will be going to are as follows:

January: New Zealand
February: Australia
March: Malaysia
April: Thailand
May: Cambodia
June: Kenya
July: Uganda
August: ATL (Ask the Lord) in Africa
September: Romania
October: Ukraine
November: ATL in Eastern Europe

It was revealed to me in a dream last night that he, Satan, also knows of her plans.

***

I was recalling my day spent with my sisters in an unconscious state when my dream was paused and a voice interrupted me. Excuse me a dark voice said to me but I need to let you know something, it's up to you if you choose to tell her or not the voice said. My master knows of your sister's trip and he is going to do what he can to destroy her spiritually. We know she can handle the physical labor required of her on this trip, but we are going to do what we can in our power to damage her spiritually. This spokesdemon portrayed ways in which they are going to try to go after my sister, in ways that are environmental, in ways that are personal, and other ways as well.

I do admit that I have interacted with spiritual warfare in a more physical way than others, ultimately the presence of darker darkness and pure evil is what I feel, I have never felt the presence of Satan or demons to be good or welcoming, it is always dark and foul.
Yet with this visit last night I know they are planning a [spiritual] attack on someone I care for deeply, while my sister is a follower of Christ, I know she hasn't had many encounters with spiritual warfare...but I will be vigilant and pray for her spiritual welfare on this missions trip, Satan is going to after her with all he has, his power is limited but by no means will evil conquer good, my sister might slip and she might fall, but I know that with God's strength to protect her she will get up time and time again.

1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

[n][v]

Giving Thanks: Life (part of my story)

For this part of my giving thanks stories, I am going to reveal part of my story, now it's not the best as far as experience, but my circumstances put me into that mode and it is part of my story, so please...judge not, eh?

I am thankful to God for life, but maybe 10 years ago it wasn't so.

My parents don't have the ideal marriage and it was very visible for myself and my sisters 3 growing up. Work played a higher priority in my father's life (still does) than us his family, and so this and other things took a toll on our family dynamic.
I, the only guy in the family, surrounded by 3 sisters and my mom, made life difficult for me and I became (and was) the "wild child". Some of it stemmed from my mom taking on both parental roles, some of it was from watching how my father treated her and some of it was of my own doing. Anyway, I wasn't a good son growing up to my mom.

But within my trouble I inflicted upon my mom, I was also troubling myself; I was depressed, lonely (though it didn't seem like it) and sad (it didn't seem like it either). So I guess it was around 8 years ago that I tried to commit suicide for the first time.

I rummaged the medicine cabinet for all the pills I could find, I reckon I popped 70-80 specific health condition pills before I decided to call it a night, call it a life. Yet I woke up the next morning with a very bad stomach ache/hangover kinda feel, but I was alive.

The second time I tried to commit suicide I got out a razor blade and I intended to slit my wrists, but my conscious started speaking to me; Do you really want to kill yourself? Do you want one of your sisters to find you in a puddle of your own blood? You'll hurt your family more than you will ever hurt yourself if you go through with this. I dropped the razor blade and backed away from it to go to my room and just cry, I knew I couldn't go through with it but life still sucked.
In the time to come I became involved with the youth group of the church I attended, the youth pastor was new to his vocation, but still able to see through some of the facades I would wear around church.
He spent time with me, no, let me rephrase that, he invested time in me and asked the questions no one else would; whether peers or adults who had known me for a LONG time, I guess they thought everything was fine in my life, our family was considered the ideal family (but this was a life). My youth pastor helped me out, by providing me with council and helping me in my spiritual development, I got involved with the leadership team and I was loving it all.
Tragically my youth pastor and his wife left shortly into my Senior year of high school, no one will give me a definitive answer to why they left, but I am certain it was church politics and his "radical" approach to things -- nothing bad, but sometimes when you make waves in the church, the higher ups take such waves and treat them like tsunamis.
Yet what Dave instilled in my life did not necessarily require for them to be there, while it was sad to see them go, the changes God produced and they nurtured were able to continue even with them no longer in the picture.

It was also about that time that I felt my calling to Youth Ministry; knowing that I could relate to other kids and be relevant to them and have a good time among other things, I started on my road as a youth minister.
When I finished high school I found out that there was a new youth minister at my old church who needed help with the Jr. Highers. I shared with the leaders who took over for Dave if they'd like me to stay at our church and help them out, my loyalties were with my church first, but they gave me their blessing and said go for it at my old church.

So in 2003 I started youth ministry and it has been an awesome and sometimes painful road, but I don't regret any of it (well, besides breaking down a cabin door on my first Winter Retreat as a leader...but that's another story). I thank God for all the kids I have gotten to know over the years and for those I remain in contact with (my kids as I call them, I have seen them go on to do great things, we're all works-in-progress though ).

So for the time being I help out with one of my church's youth groups, I am a youth ministry consultant to another, and then there's a bicycle repair program I'm involved with and I am also part of a mentoring program at my other church.
My goal is to move out to Southern California when I am done with my undergrad degree next year, I know some people out there and I want to give California a try for a while, doing more of the same that I am doing here and hopefully it'll be full time youth ministry.

So that's a part of who I am, a part of my story. Have any questions? feel free to message me or if you want to email me my email address is NPVitkus@gmail.com I'd love to answer your question[s] if I can.

[n][v]

How much of this is believable?

I don't buy into billions of years that it supposedly took to create the universe,
but when it comes to billions of stars/suns/solar systems...how much of that is truly believable?

[n][v]

Giving Thanks: Family

Family; for me it is a big part of who I am and who I am becoming, though my family dynamic might look different than yours (which is true for anyone and who they define as family).

Family for me is my sisters 3 and myself. Sure I have a father and a mom, but because of different circumstances I no longer (at this point) consider us 6 a family. We 4 are getting to the point in our lives that we're moving out and away from our hometown in Illinois; some of us are away because of school and some have relocated elsewhere, I myself will be moving out to Southern California (God willing).

My sisters and I grew up in a house where we were very close proximity wise but maybe not as friends let along siblings. Each of us dabbled into each other's creative space, whether sports/music/writing/art, but we all reigned (and still do) in various areas.
It was easier to get along with some of my sisters than others, but I think at this chapter in our lives we all get along fine, different in some ways, but it all works out well.

While we are moving apart distance-wise, we are still in touch via phone/facebook/etc. I am glad we're still in touch because there are times where life just gets me down and sometimes it helps to talk it out with people who are closer than my friends, my family.  We're already making plans for when my youngest sister is in her senior year of college; 7-9 days in the Bahamas on a cruiseboat. We've already laid down the groundwork for it; we are doing this adventure ALONE, without parental units, without spouses (if any of us have them), just us 4, just us family.

[n][v]