I am sorry for those times you ask me "how are you doing" and I offer up a "fine" or "good" answer. I, in my cowardice, feel out of place sometimes when you (I'm writing to the whole, so I'm speaking as to the whole) ask me this question because one or more of the following;
1) Do you REALLY care about how I am doing?
2) Do you want the truth or do you want a FINE or GOOD answer?
3) How do I know what I say won't be gossiped about behind my back? Or how do I know it won't be shared and people will look at me with contempt as being "that guy"?
I have been burned by you all time and time again, but my focus isn't so much on you but rather on God. I pray to Him and talk to Him on a daily basis, like it was mentioned in my church today "communication builds relationships", I guess I don't have a relationship with as many of you as I would like...but I am getting there!
Please body of believers in Christ hear my apology, hear that I don't mean to give you the fake shitty answers, it is just a reflex after getting hurt from the past. I'm kinda shy and I'm kinda under the "once bitten twice shy" umbrella though my bites have been more than once, I'm still shy but I still try.
I'm reaching out to you, not all of you, but those of you who pose this question but follow it up with REALLY. I know some of you truly care for me and my welfare and you truly want to know, so I offer a truce and suggestion:
If you ask I will earnestly tell you the truth, but in return I ask that you mean what you're asking, truly mean the words that come out of your mouth as well as your heart. Human beings have the potential to love and destroy with the same mouth, love me, don't destroy me with your callous words, would you want that to be done unto you?
I will be real/authentic, it won't be pink pastel pretty but sometimes it will be rough around the edges and gritty, you have to accept that sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and it isn't good, but you know what? God is.
God is still good in my days where I feel like staying in bed all day,
God is still good when Fuck comes out of my mouth more than Love,
God is still good when I don't hear one encouraging word from another person in a day,
God is still good when I break down in tears and frustration because of events I cannot control and cannot get over the feeling of feeling so powerless...
Anyway, God remains good in all things. I will try my damndest to be real with you if you truly mean what you say and say what you mean.
Thanks, I love all of you.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Shout at the Devil: Doesn't anyone do that any more? Personal thoughts about Spiritual Warfare
Some of this stems from what a few bro's and I were joking about what I should fill under OCCUPATION (to which I wrote Demon Hunter - Full Time), some of it also stems from Jehovah Witnesses visiting my house again today in which I discussed Spiritual Warfare with them, they left kinda shocked that I cast out demons and that I call upon the name of GOD to rid satan and his minions from places and people... I'm shocked too, doesn't anyone cast out demons any more?
I recall my first time evoking the name of God in which I pissed off satan; I was at the Brookfield Zoo when I was 5 and I was over at the lions cage, I started quoting 1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
As I was doing this, a woman who was possessed by a demon or more got angry, she sneered and shook, I could visibly see I wasn't looking at her but rather that which controlled her and it wasn't good.
These days I still cast out demons, from people's lives and places which seem to be saturated with the prsence of the evil one. I rebuke them and cry out "In the name of God I command you to _____________."
To which they do flee and go elsewhere for a while...
***
Jehovah Witnesses have come to my house lately, their time at my house last week was to find out what I believed and to try to witness to me from what they believe, today they visited again to discuss spiritual warfare with me. While I didn't aim to come across as nonchalant about spiritual warfare, the woman who led this conversation with me seemed kinda shocked that I do this, in retrospect I am shocked that maybe she doesn't do this.
So now I am wondering does anyone call upon the name of God to cast out demons or the devil himself besides me? Does anyone recognize his presence in people and places and just cry out "In the name of God I command you to leave this person/place"?
[n][v]
I recall my first time evoking the name of God in which I pissed off satan; I was at the Brookfield Zoo when I was 5 and I was over at the lions cage, I started quoting 1 Peter 5:8
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
As I was doing this, a woman who was possessed by a demon or more got angry, she sneered and shook, I could visibly see I wasn't looking at her but rather that which controlled her and it wasn't good.
These days I still cast out demons, from people's lives and places which seem to be saturated with the prsence of the evil one. I rebuke them and cry out "In the name of God I command you to _____________."
To which they do flee and go elsewhere for a while...
***
Jehovah Witnesses have come to my house lately, their time at my house last week was to find out what I believed and to try to witness to me from what they believe, today they visited again to discuss spiritual warfare with me. While I didn't aim to come across as nonchalant about spiritual warfare, the woman who led this conversation with me seemed kinda shocked that I do this, in retrospect I am shocked that maybe she doesn't do this.
So now I am wondering does anyone call upon the name of God to cast out demons or the devil himself besides me? Does anyone recognize his presence in people and places and just cry out "In the name of God I command you to leave this person/place"?
[n][v]
I tweet therefore I am(?)
Descartes said:
I think therefore I am..
I say:
I tweet threfore I am(?)...
But I do leave it as a question; am I truly what I tweet? Am I truly wrap-upable in 140 characters or less?
Well...Yes AND No.
To the few that actually follow me on Twitter (which is not open to everyone) I might seem bipolar; I am using words that aren't part of everyday vocabulary (unless you're a sailor or you're, well, me) and I offer up TweetPrayers, Father God...and 130 characters of praise or concern, prayer but in tweet form.
But, while that is me in a nutshell, I am not contained to the nut. For as you get to know me I am pretty "out there" will a bunch of my passions; people, Youth Ministry, communal/intentional/relational ministry, social justice, photography and cars to name a few.
Just so I don't throw you for a loop if I happen to meet you and you ask me some questions, I won't shy away, but being blessed with being extroverted and very introspective, I might take some time pondering and thinking out my answer (I look inside before I answer). I'm not socially shy, but I want to make whatever I say count for that which really does require some thinking about.
I am those 140 characters, but I am so much more.
[n][v]
I think therefore I am..
I say:
I tweet threfore I am(?)...
But I do leave it as a question; am I truly what I tweet? Am I truly wrap-upable in 140 characters or less?
Well...Yes AND No.
To the few that actually follow me on Twitter (which is not open to everyone) I might seem bipolar; I am using words that aren't part of everyday vocabulary (unless you're a sailor or you're, well, me) and I offer up TweetPrayers, Father God...and 130 characters of praise or concern, prayer but in tweet form.
But, while that is me in a nutshell, I am not contained to the nut. For as you get to know me I am pretty "out there" will a bunch of my passions; people, Youth Ministry, communal/intentional/relational ministry, social justice, photography and cars to name a few.
Just so I don't throw you for a loop if I happen to meet you and you ask me some questions, I won't shy away, but being blessed with being extroverted and very introspective, I might take some time pondering and thinking out my answer (I look inside before I answer). I'm not socially shy, but I want to make whatever I say count for that which really does require some thinking about.
I am those 140 characters, but I am so much more.
[n][v]
Looking back retrospectively from an introspective lens: Living for Christ, Dying for Christ and me.
I was thinking about this before I went to bed, and all I can do is thank God I didn't dwell on it TOO much because I easily could.
I'm a very introspective extroverted person and sometimes I'm not good at quick draw, think-on-your-feet scenarios, but I am getting better at it. This being said, the following thoughts come from introspective thinking, they're not something I copied and pasted in a deadline rush, they've been marinating in my head for a while...
I recall my younger years, particularly around the age of 16 of 17, a great deal of my reading material at that time were the books Jesus Freak 1 & 2, kind of a modern easier-to-read Fox's Book of Martyrs. As I read the book I was inspired, but in some freaky self-centered way I was inspired for the wrong reasons...
The allure of DYING for Christ was something that was on my mind most of the time. It wasn't a "how cool would it be to be burned out the stake while singing Psalms to God" kinda thing, but in all honesty it was in some ways.
I thought about how my death might influence others to live for Christ, how maybe it would be something that would get a lot of press and so wherever I was when I was martyred would be changed on a national level, and yet...
All of my reasons were about ME and not about God, they were about how I could reap the benefits of martyrdom post mortem, it was more about my glory instead of God's.
I rationalize that it my mindset then was screwy, I was depressed and felt lonely and that no one could relate to me or what I was going on in my family (I found out that wasn't so, but at the time it felt like it was Me VS. The World). I look back at my writings of them and it is almost like a Christianese suicide letter which freaks me out even though I still write dark and haunting things, but that's because I was trying to DIE for Christ then and now I am LIVING for Christ.
Another facet to all of this is that I wanted to take the easy way out, dying for Christ is easier than living for Christ. Sometimes living for Christ IS dying for Christ, but for us who aren't exposed to persecution on a day-to-day basis, we really can't grasp getting killed for our faith. Those people who are going through persecution are living for Christ but they are aware that death might very much be a possibility in their walk with God, they live for Him and they're reading to die for Him, but for the rest of us our mindsets aren't there.
Living for Christ takes time, being in community with other believers, growing in God's word, talking to him aka Prayer, etc... It's a lot of "work" but it is work we shouldn't view as such, they are tasks that we should be and do willingly and we should take what we know and share it with others.
Living for Christ isn't something that has a deadline, a "to be done by *insert date here" event, it is an ongoing process because there is always something to be learned or relearned, it's awesome! I love to learn and this past summer has been a time of much learning of spiritual practices and such, I'm moving forward in my living for Christ, I was feeling like a stunted plant for the longest time ;) But I am growing and I am seeing some fruit grow :)
Living for Christ is for us who have Christ living within us! Let us keep on running this race that is before us, step by step, till we cross the finish line.
I'm a very introspective extroverted person and sometimes I'm not good at quick draw, think-on-your-feet scenarios, but I am getting better at it. This being said, the following thoughts come from introspective thinking, they're not something I copied and pasted in a deadline rush, they've been marinating in my head for a while...
I recall my younger years, particularly around the age of 16 of 17, a great deal of my reading material at that time were the books Jesus Freak 1 & 2, kind of a modern easier-to-read Fox's Book of Martyrs. As I read the book I was inspired, but in some freaky self-centered way I was inspired for the wrong reasons...
The allure of DYING for Christ was something that was on my mind most of the time. It wasn't a "how cool would it be to be burned out the stake while singing Psalms to God" kinda thing, but in all honesty it was in some ways.
I thought about how my death might influence others to live for Christ, how maybe it would be something that would get a lot of press and so wherever I was when I was martyred would be changed on a national level, and yet...
All of my reasons were about ME and not about God, they were about how I could reap the benefits of martyrdom post mortem, it was more about my glory instead of God's.
I rationalize that it my mindset then was screwy, I was depressed and felt lonely and that no one could relate to me or what I was going on in my family (I found out that wasn't so, but at the time it felt like it was Me VS. The World). I look back at my writings of them and it is almost like a Christianese suicide letter which freaks me out even though I still write dark and haunting things, but that's because I was trying to DIE for Christ then and now I am LIVING for Christ.
Another facet to all of this is that I wanted to take the easy way out, dying for Christ is easier than living for Christ. Sometimes living for Christ IS dying for Christ, but for us who aren't exposed to persecution on a day-to-day basis, we really can't grasp getting killed for our faith. Those people who are going through persecution are living for Christ but they are aware that death might very much be a possibility in their walk with God, they live for Him and they're reading to die for Him, but for the rest of us our mindsets aren't there.
Living for Christ takes time, being in community with other believers, growing in God's word, talking to him aka Prayer, etc... It's a lot of "work" but it is work we shouldn't view as such, they are tasks that we should be and do willingly and we should take what we know and share it with others.
Living for Christ isn't something that has a deadline, a "to be done by *insert date here" event, it is an ongoing process because there is always something to be learned or relearned, it's awesome! I love to learn and this past summer has been a time of much learning of spiritual practices and such, I'm moving forward in my living for Christ, I was feeling like a stunted plant for the longest time ;) But I am growing and I am seeing some fruit grow :)
Living for Christ is for us who have Christ living within us! Let us keep on running this race that is before us, step by step, till we cross the finish line.
Nostalgia can be a pain in the ass sometimes...
The other day I decided to go traipsing in my neighborhood down by the tracks, with my headphones on with Thousand Foot Krutch and Mute Math's new tunes blaring, I was having a pretty good time.
I like walking along the tracks, which are rarely used at all and even rarer are they used on the weekend, it's an interesting way to get around. Anyway, I was just minding my own business when I decided to cut back to my house. From the tracks to where I was and to the way back to my house wasn't far, but on my way back to my house I did notice something that brought back memories.
"Free Concord Grapes", 6 boxes full of this delicious fruit, free for the taking...good times. After I sampled a bunch or two, nostaligia kicked in and it kicked my ass.
At the house I lived at before the one I'm at now we used to have a sizeable backyard for us 4 kids to have fun in, and at the end of our backyard was, you guessed it, concord grape vines and grapes. Whether it was just running back and forth, picking pussywillow buds in the spring, playing in the sandbox, drinking alcohol with one of my sisters...all these memories and more came flooding back to me.
I miss my old house, but actually I miss my younger self; when I was naive to what was happening to my family, when I was full of childlike wonder and mystery, when my grandfather Eddy whom I still miss was alive... It was also in that time a lot of shit hit the fan that was unbeknownst to me, a lot of bad occurred and I was unaware of it all, I guess I was too young to actually grasp what was happening in and to my family.
I DO thank God for all the memories I have been able to retain over the years, who knows I might take on the role of the family historian someday (I do love history).
Nostalgia's a pain in the ass because how memories work; we don't have single memories, so much of what we remember is tied to some other memory which is tied to another memory and soforth...
All this to say that I am glad for the times God gave me back then and the times he's giving me now, but sometimes I just wish I could retain the good without the bad.
[n][v]
P.S. I was looking up the origin of the word "Nostalgia" and it is a word that actually comes from a Greek and Homeric compounded word. There's nóstos which means returning home and álgos which refers to pain or ache, so Nostalgia's the ache or pain of returning home. Just a little tidbit on that word's origin, I dig it.
I like walking along the tracks, which are rarely used at all and even rarer are they used on the weekend, it's an interesting way to get around. Anyway, I was just minding my own business when I decided to cut back to my house. From the tracks to where I was and to the way back to my house wasn't far, but on my way back to my house I did notice something that brought back memories.
"Free Concord Grapes", 6 boxes full of this delicious fruit, free for the taking...good times. After I sampled a bunch or two, nostaligia kicked in and it kicked my ass.
At the house I lived at before the one I'm at now we used to have a sizeable backyard for us 4 kids to have fun in, and at the end of our backyard was, you guessed it, concord grape vines and grapes. Whether it was just running back and forth, picking pussywillow buds in the spring, playing in the sandbox, drinking alcohol with one of my sisters...all these memories and more came flooding back to me.
I miss my old house, but actually I miss my younger self; when I was naive to what was happening to my family, when I was full of childlike wonder and mystery, when my grandfather Eddy whom I still miss was alive... It was also in that time a lot of shit hit the fan that was unbeknownst to me, a lot of bad occurred and I was unaware of it all, I guess I was too young to actually grasp what was happening in and to my family.
I DO thank God for all the memories I have been able to retain over the years, who knows I might take on the role of the family historian someday (I do love history).
Nostalgia's a pain in the ass because how memories work; we don't have single memories, so much of what we remember is tied to some other memory which is tied to another memory and soforth...
All this to say that I am glad for the times God gave me back then and the times he's giving me now, but sometimes I just wish I could retain the good without the bad.
[n][v]
P.S. I was looking up the origin of the word "Nostalgia" and it is a word that actually comes from a Greek and Homeric compounded word. There's nóstos which means returning home and álgos which refers to pain or ache, so Nostalgia's the ache or pain of returning home. Just a little tidbit on that word's origin, I dig it.
I love talking to strangers: Ezra
While I was in Chicago the other day, I was just chilling on a picnic bench near "The Bean". I could have taken photographs, but it was more interesting to people watch:
- I spied 4 different wedding groups
- I listened in on 5 different foreign language conversations
- I saw people who had better cameras than my own, and I cried (jk)
- I saw little kids being hugged by grandparents
- I saw people of many different nations gathered...
Anyway, I watched and listened on, and then I met Ezra.
Ezra was the guy who was sitting across from where I was at, in a moment of spontaneity and curiousity, I asked the guy (Ezra) across from me how he was doing. Ezra was loud from the getgo! He shared how he was fine and how nice it was in Chicago. I agreed with him and then we started making jokes about the wedding groups we were watching, we both wanted the brides to toss us their bouquets instead of the garter belts, just casual and amusing jokes like that.
Ezra then went into detail about his name, how Ezra was a minor prophet from the Old Testament and pretty much every other aspect about Ezra! "Wow" I kept thinking to myself "he knows it well!" I'm not sure if his knowledge of the Bible was head knowledge or heart knowledge, but God knows where he's at nonetheless.
I started talking to him about my recent travels down to Nashville, he seemed interested more about my journey there than actually what I did there. He went off on a tangent about Georgia and out of nowhere he just started belting out "Georgia on my mind" by Ray Charles...this, among other verbal loudness made people move away from him and I, but still I stuck with him and conversed with him.
When I had to go I wished him a good day, he gripped my hand tightly and gave it a good shake, and off I went and Ezra went back to watching people at The Bean. All in all, I enjoyed my conversation with a stranger.
***
We're all strangers from the getgo, but when we cross the bridge of relationships, the move from stranger to friend occurs. I enjoy being intentional/relational with those around me, not just friends but strangers and given invested time those strangers become friends to me :)
[n][v]
- I spied 4 different wedding groups
- I listened in on 5 different foreign language conversations
- I saw people who had better cameras than my own, and I cried (jk)
- I saw little kids being hugged by grandparents
- I saw people of many different nations gathered...
Anyway, I watched and listened on, and then I met Ezra.
Ezra was the guy who was sitting across from where I was at, in a moment of spontaneity and curiousity, I asked the guy (Ezra) across from me how he was doing. Ezra was loud from the getgo! He shared how he was fine and how nice it was in Chicago. I agreed with him and then we started making jokes about the wedding groups we were watching, we both wanted the brides to toss us their bouquets instead of the garter belts, just casual and amusing jokes like that.
Ezra then went into detail about his name, how Ezra was a minor prophet from the Old Testament and pretty much every other aspect about Ezra! "Wow" I kept thinking to myself "he knows it well!" I'm not sure if his knowledge of the Bible was head knowledge or heart knowledge, but God knows where he's at nonetheless.
I started talking to him about my recent travels down to Nashville, he seemed interested more about my journey there than actually what I did there. He went off on a tangent about Georgia and out of nowhere he just started belting out "Georgia on my mind" by Ray Charles...this, among other verbal loudness made people move away from him and I, but still I stuck with him and conversed with him.
When I had to go I wished him a good day, he gripped my hand tightly and gave it a good shake, and off I went and Ezra went back to watching people at The Bean. All in all, I enjoyed my conversation with a stranger.
***
We're all strangers from the getgo, but when we cross the bridge of relationships, the move from stranger to friend occurs. I enjoy being intentional/relational with those around me, not just friends but strangers and given invested time those strangers become friends to me :)
[n][v]
Lessons from the "L" -- Everyone wants to be remembered
I was riding on the "L" from Chicago back to Cicero, just taking photographs and talking to my mom in between. There was a guy who boarded the "L" and from the get go he kinda seemed out of it; maybe it wasn't drugs, but maybe from actions to follow it was because he wanted to be remembered.
I say this because it wasn't too long from the time he boarded the train that he busted out a paint marker and started doing his tag (what us graffiti artists call our signature/etc. to let others know about us, an "I was here....ever so briefly" message).
It was a cool design, I'll give ya that (tho I'm in support of graffiti in legal forms only), but still he defaced property that wasn't his and I bet if he was caught there'd be a lot of money and paperwork to be filled out...anyway, whatever the true reason behind his reason to tag then and there I will never know, but the basis of tagging at times -- to be remembered -- makes a lot of sense to me.
Some of us will have an "original idea" (John Forbes Nash anyone?) in which we do that thing that changes life as we know it and we get acknowledge for it long past our days; Alexander Graham Bell with the Telephone, Henry Ford with a car that was built off an assembly line, Marie Curie discovered Radium etc al... These men and women of old and new did something and they were remembered.
But what about us who don't come up with an original idea? What about us who live the life of a 9-5er, a punch-in and punch-out live-for-the-weekend kinda life? What about them...what about us?
For us it is to do what we can with the time God has provided for us, even if you don't believe you truly can't say "I will live forever!" in a loud and proud voice, because it is not true, our days are limited. It is about taking the time we're given and using it wisely, because once this time you and I have is gone, it's G-O-N-E, no money can buy one more minute of life.
For me personally, it is the way I live out my life to God's glory though times I stumble and the people I invest time in. The showing-up-when-it's-not-in-traditional-parameters moments, the 'I beat the vicious cycle that has cost my family dearly for the past 4-5 generations', the 'I was there for my wife and kids' -- that is how I want to be remembered, and I'm okay with that!
But sometimes we don't see it that way, we're in the now and we're looking up but we're not necessarily looking forward. We can plan all we want, but God ultimately knows how it is all going to unfold ("For the plans I have for you" Remember?) and His will be done in all things.
So look for ways to be remembered, (notice that I said BE over DO things, yeah that was intentional *wink*) While you go through these great journeys that equals YOUR life, remember that everyone likes to be remembered, everyone counts, so do what you can to make your life and others count!
[n][v]
I say this because it wasn't too long from the time he boarded the train that he busted out a paint marker and started doing his tag (what us graffiti artists call our signature/etc. to let others know about us, an "I was here....ever so briefly" message).
It was a cool design, I'll give ya that (tho I'm in support of graffiti in legal forms only), but still he defaced property that wasn't his and I bet if he was caught there'd be a lot of money and paperwork to be filled out...anyway, whatever the true reason behind his reason to tag then and there I will never know, but the basis of tagging at times -- to be remembered -- makes a lot of sense to me.
Some of us will have an "original idea" (John Forbes Nash anyone?) in which we do that thing that changes life as we know it and we get acknowledge for it long past our days; Alexander Graham Bell with the Telephone, Henry Ford with a car that was built off an assembly line, Marie Curie discovered Radium etc al... These men and women of old and new did something and they were remembered.
But what about us who don't come up with an original idea? What about us who live the life of a 9-5er, a punch-in and punch-out live-for-the-weekend kinda life? What about them...what about us?
For us it is to do what we can with the time God has provided for us, even if you don't believe you truly can't say "I will live forever!" in a loud and proud voice, because it is not true, our days are limited. It is about taking the time we're given and using it wisely, because once this time you and I have is gone, it's G-O-N-E, no money can buy one more minute of life.
For me personally, it is the way I live out my life to God's glory though times I stumble and the people I invest time in. The showing-up-when-it's-not-in-traditional-parameters moments, the 'I beat the vicious cycle that has cost my family dearly for the past 4-5 generations', the 'I was there for my wife and kids' -- that is how I want to be remembered, and I'm okay with that!
But sometimes we don't see it that way, we're in the now and we're looking up but we're not necessarily looking forward. We can plan all we want, but God ultimately knows how it is all going to unfold ("For the plans I have for you" Remember?) and His will be done in all things.
So look for ways to be remembered, (notice that I said BE over DO things, yeah that was intentional *wink*) While you go through these great journeys that equals YOUR life, remember that everyone likes to be remembered, everyone counts, so do what you can to make your life and others count!
[n][v]
I wish Romans 12:21 was a bomb
"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good"
I wish it was a bomb, and I wish that some people in my life would be at ground zero when it would explode. I wouldn't want them to die, but I would want the shapnel to enter their bodies, to tear through viscera and muscle and to hit them in a vital way. Shapnel that no matter how hard doctors tried they could never remove it all...
The verse says DO not be overcome by EVIL,
but to overcome EVIL with GOOD.
It shouldn't be just read or thought of as a "nice Bible verse", but it should be a way we carry out our actions, it should grip us and hit us where it matters. Let the words hit, let them sink in and strike our hearts, let us be affected and change and live it out with everyone we meet.
[n][v]
I wish it was a bomb, and I wish that some people in my life would be at ground zero when it would explode. I wouldn't want them to die, but I would want the shapnel to enter their bodies, to tear through viscera and muscle and to hit them in a vital way. Shapnel that no matter how hard doctors tried they could never remove it all...
The verse says DO not be overcome by EVIL,
but to overcome EVIL with GOOD.
It shouldn't be just read or thought of as a "nice Bible verse", but it should be a way we carry out our actions, it should grip us and hit us where it matters. Let the words hit, let them sink in and strike our hearts, let us be affected and change and live it out with everyone we meet.
[n][v]
8 years looking back
Now that the towers are down,
and as a nation, complacency has settled into our bones.
We wave that "grand old flag" today and on the 4th of July,
out of obligation and tradition...like creasters.
But I don't let it settle in my bones,
I don't waveany flag out of obligation, let alone tradition.
I miss those towers,
but I miss Jeffrey more.
It's not that I value his life above the rest of those who died that day,
but I knew him and not them,
he was my friend.
Go visit your grandma who lives across the street,
come visit my sisters, mom and me
Chase me, play tag, play hide and go seek,
leave for work,
leave again,
leave for the last time.
8 years looking back,
the tears still flow,
the pain still hurts,
I guess I am alive
I AM ALIVE!
[n][v]
and as a nation, complacency has settled into our bones.
We wave that "grand old flag" today and on the 4th of July,
out of obligation and tradition...like creasters.
But I don't let it settle in my bones,
I don't waveany flag out of obligation, let alone tradition.
I miss those towers,
but I miss Jeffrey more.
It's not that I value his life above the rest of those who died that day,
but I knew him and not them,
he was my friend.
Go visit your grandma who lives across the street,
come visit my sisters, mom and me
Chase me, play tag, play hide and go seek,
leave for work,
leave again,
leave for the last time.
8 years looking back,
the tears still flow,
the pain still hurts,
I guess I am alive
I AM ALIVE!
[n][v]
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
If God tells you to do something, you damn well better!
A few Sundays ago I was along the bank of the Fox River with a few friends and some people from other churches of the Aurora and surrounding area, it was 5th Sunday.
I was invited to come out and partake, as a follower of Christ but also as a photographer (it's my thing and I'm getting known for it). I took a few pictures of the worship band as well as the people gathered, when out of the blue one of the people who came to be at a friend's baptism, it was evident that he was distraught as he walked away.
"Go and BE" I heard in my mind and heart, "What?" I pondered internally, "Go and BE" it/He said again, this time I gathered that it was God and so I went to the guy who wandered away from the group.
I sat down next to the guy (Kevin), and I just stayed motionless and silent, not doing or saying, just BEing with him. Observing Kevin from the outside I could see pain; his scarred worn hands, clearly a guy who made his livelihood using them. His eyes were bloodshot, to which I don't know whether they're from crying a lot or perhaps some addiction, but regardless Kevin's condition on the outside grabbed at my heartstrings.
Eventually he spoke, he swore and cursed to the Heavens, crying out to God and telling me about his life all in the same breath. "I don't have a job" he told me a few times, from loud whispers to a scream, "I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING JOB!"
As Kevin shared with me about his on and off relationship with God but also going to church, followed up by his situation involving his girlfriend and her 4 kids...I found more in commonalities with Kevin than differences, after a while he decided to get up and go back to the group, but not till I embraced him.
I embraced him because he needed touch,
I embraced him because he made in the image of God, the one I believe in
I embraced him regardless of his stench, for no stench could keep me from loving Kevin
He walked back to the group, to his friend who was recently baptized, his voice loud and strong regardless of what was going on, it might have had the effect of being rude but I saw it as the tax collector in the temple who beat his breast and cried out to God "have mercy on me a sinner!" Jesus shared this parable to express how the poor will be uplifted and the proud will be humbled, then and there I recognized Kevin being uplifted, Kevin reaching out to someone bigger and better and God reaching back to Kevin...it was beautiful.
Kevin's friends did see it as public interuption, to which they were embarrassed and tried to get him away from our assembly so he would be a "problem" to the rest of us. He ignored them, even to the point of them driving off without him!
After the service some of us prayed for and over Kevin, I offered him a ride back to where he's staying at but he declined, he did thank me for BEing there with him and to listen to what he said. "Anytime Kevin, Anytime" I told him as I embraced him again. He walked off and my gaze stayed with him till he left, all the while my heart in prayer and my eyes welling with tears.
To speak of loving "the least of these" is NOT enough, we need to put our words into actions. God convicted me and I acted on what he told me to do, I am thankful I did, I am thankful I listened to God instead of ignoring him. It would have been easier to shrug off God, but if God calls you to do something, you damn well better.
Love "the least of these" in words AND actions,
BE instead of DO,
Go instead of Stay.
~Nathanael~
I was invited to come out and partake, as a follower of Christ but also as a photographer (it's my thing and I'm getting known for it). I took a few pictures of the worship band as well as the people gathered, when out of the blue one of the people who came to be at a friend's baptism, it was evident that he was distraught as he walked away.
"Go and BE" I heard in my mind and heart, "What?" I pondered internally, "Go and BE" it/He said again, this time I gathered that it was God and so I went to the guy who wandered away from the group.
I sat down next to the guy (Kevin), and I just stayed motionless and silent, not doing or saying, just BEing with him. Observing Kevin from the outside I could see pain; his scarred worn hands, clearly a guy who made his livelihood using them. His eyes were bloodshot, to which I don't know whether they're from crying a lot or perhaps some addiction, but regardless Kevin's condition on the outside grabbed at my heartstrings.
Eventually he spoke, he swore and cursed to the Heavens, crying out to God and telling me about his life all in the same breath. "I don't have a job" he told me a few times, from loud whispers to a scream, "I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING JOB!"
As Kevin shared with me about his on and off relationship with God but also going to church, followed up by his situation involving his girlfriend and her 4 kids...I found more in commonalities with Kevin than differences, after a while he decided to get up and go back to the group, but not till I embraced him.
I embraced him because he needed touch,
I embraced him because he made in the image of God, the one I believe in
I embraced him regardless of his stench, for no stench could keep me from loving Kevin
He walked back to the group, to his friend who was recently baptized, his voice loud and strong regardless of what was going on, it might have had the effect of being rude but I saw it as the tax collector in the temple who beat his breast and cried out to God "have mercy on me a sinner!" Jesus shared this parable to express how the poor will be uplifted and the proud will be humbled, then and there I recognized Kevin being uplifted, Kevin reaching out to someone bigger and better and God reaching back to Kevin...it was beautiful.
Kevin's friends did see it as public interuption, to which they were embarrassed and tried to get him away from our assembly so he would be a "problem" to the rest of us. He ignored them, even to the point of them driving off without him!
After the service some of us prayed for and over Kevin, I offered him a ride back to where he's staying at but he declined, he did thank me for BEing there with him and to listen to what he said. "Anytime Kevin, Anytime" I told him as I embraced him again. He walked off and my gaze stayed with him till he left, all the while my heart in prayer and my eyes welling with tears.
To speak of loving "the least of these" is NOT enough, we need to put our words into actions. God convicted me and I acted on what he told me to do, I am thankful I did, I am thankful I listened to God instead of ignoring him. It would have been easier to shrug off God, but if God calls you to do something, you damn well better.
Love "the least of these" in words AND actions,
BE instead of DO,
Go instead of Stay.
~Nathanael~
God doesn't need our help*
*But he does invite us to be apart of something bigger than ourselves at times, but sometimes he does it on his own WITHOUT us doing anything...
I was reminded of this last Saturday at The Orchard, when we were having our little "meet and greet the person in front of you" time. The person I greeted was actually someone I know, someone who was akin to a boss 6 years back. The guy was a gruff, Army strong, kind of rude and drill sargent-esque. He was still someone who pushed me along, encouraging me but from a "tough" perspective, I absolutely did not like the guy completely.
Getting to know him then a part from the activity I was apart in which he was the boss, he seemed cold and calloused, distant and made sure to keep work at work and regular life separated from the task that was at hand.
When I greeted him on Saturday evening, I saw a glint of excitement in his life, a sense of 'something-in-my-life-has-changed-for-the-better-for him' vibe came over me, be it God or having an intuition of knowing when someone has changed for the better...believe it or not, it brought me to tears, not out of sadness but out of happiness for God moving in this guy.
God did not need me in this situation, he may have used another brother or sister in Christ, but the fact remains he doesn't need our help but he does invite us to be a part of it.
~Nathanael~
I was reminded of this last Saturday at The Orchard, when we were having our little "meet and greet the person in front of you" time. The person I greeted was actually someone I know, someone who was akin to a boss 6 years back. The guy was a gruff, Army strong, kind of rude and drill sargent-esque. He was still someone who pushed me along, encouraging me but from a "tough" perspective, I absolutely did not like the guy completely.
Getting to know him then a part from the activity I was apart in which he was the boss, he seemed cold and calloused, distant and made sure to keep work at work and regular life separated from the task that was at hand.
When I greeted him on Saturday evening, I saw a glint of excitement in his life, a sense of 'something-in-my-life-has-changed-for-the-better-for him' vibe came over me, be it God or having an intuition of knowing when someone has changed for the better...believe it or not, it brought me to tears, not out of sadness but out of happiness for God moving in this guy.
God did not need me in this situation, he may have used another brother or sister in Christ, but the fact remains he doesn't need our help but he does invite us to be a part of it.
~Nathanael~