I fell in like at first sight

While I was in Nashville I met a girl while I was out there, she and I fell in like at first sight.

By this I mean there was a connection between her and me from the get go, she and I discussed our passions, plans for the future, India (this was a biggie, I love the country/culture/food/peoples/etc), the way God is working in our lives...

We talked for nearly two hours and it was awesome, she is one cool girl I won't ever see again unless we work out something via facebook, but even if I never see Lillianne again I will say it was awesome and has inspired me to invest more in future relationships with girls and to find my June.

By "finding my June" I mean as in June Cash, Johnny's wife, if you don't know much about them I suggest doing some research and watching Walk the Line afterwards...

It wasn't love,
It wasn't lust,
It was like at first sight. Pure amazing goodness that made me blush, made her blush and made God smile (I am sure of it).

[n][v]

What God has been teaching me about prayer

In a way, God answered one of my prayers this past week. My friend who is a practicing Muslim came to my church this past week, for the 20somethings group that meets every other Tuesday. I have never tried to "convert" her, but rather share the Gospel message in a relational way, I believe in sharing the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words (ala St. Francis of Assisi).

Yet did my prayer of God to move in my friend occur overnight? By no means! Our friendship is about 6 years young and from the start we seemed well aware of the others belief systems and we broke down some walls along the way (mostly the extremist sides to Islam and the extremist sides of Christianity).


God spoke revelation to my life about prayer, and this is how it all came together in a divine "Eureka" moment:

There are times when we come to God with our prayers and petitions, we pray to God and we off him "bamboo prayers". By bamboo prayers I mean that we want to see results that spring up very quickly (bamboo is a quick growing grass), we want God's timeframe to match our timeframe.
Granted God sometimes answers our prayers in a very timely matter, we get what we ask for with a Yes/No/Wait answer quickly... and yet sometimes...

And sometimes we need to be persistant, sometimes we have to have the patience to wait on God and his timeframe over ours, we need to pray "sequoia prayers". Sequoias are massive trees! Yet they didn't get that way nearly as quickly as bamboo, they've taken literally hundreds of years to get that large. In the same way, sometimes we need to pray a long time before we see results. We should pray earnestly and never for reasons "because I have to" or "this is what I am doing" because it isn't us, it is God working through us, it is God's doing.

This is what God has revealed to me about Prayer. Prayer should be a continuous process that flows out of us, we might see results right away but sometimes it takes time. In all things, pray!

[n][v]

Sexual Education - Am I setting a double standard?

Lately I have been thinking about the future eduation of my future children pertaining to sex. I am thinking this over now so that when the time comes I might have a better answer to give...

I am a virgin, it is not a religious thing, it is not a because-God-told-me-to thing, but in my opinion I find that sex will be best between me and my future wife, to her I will give my virginity. Now if I marry someone who isn't a virgin, I am fine with that, but from a personal standpoint I am waiting.

Yet when I think about how I will go about teaching sex ed to my kids, some things come to mind:

- I will teach my kids the very basics at a younger age than I
- I want to open and honest where I can be with my kids pertaining to sex and sexualty
- When they're of age, I am considering teaching teaching them both abstinence AND safe[r] sex

The last one has me thinking, am I setting a double standard? Granted my sexual education was vague and somewhat of a joke, but in some ways it was my parents who taught me to save sex for marriage (but it is not their views that I reflect in my sexuality, but my own).
But thinking about kids in this present day and age, and some of the things I struggle and what my future kids might struggle with, I can't help but think that I might approach sex ed from both standpoints -- not as a save-sex-for-marriage-but-if-you-can't standpoint, but faced with sexuality in their own ways, I rather have my kids better prepared by use of different safe[r] sex methods.

I'm sure that some might question What if your daughter gets pregnant? What if your son gets someone pregnant? Yes, this is on my mind as well, and honestly I believe if I set the roots of trust and honesty in a lot of things at an early age, nurturing it like a plant, when kids are older they will remember and what might be deemed awkward might not be too awkward because the plants of trust and hoensty has been constantly nurtured and have grown into awesome plants (my kids in case you got lost in this metaphor).

I want to teach my kids about sexuality, that it is a gift from God, that is an awesome gift and should not be treated cheaply. I don't want to raise kids who run around sleeping with everyone, but if I seem maturity in them, sexual/emotional and even spiritual, I might be more comfortable handing them condoms and birth control than if I never set the groundwork (it has to be set down, but still it is maturity from the groundwork that my wife and I will have to resolve if we should hand them better protection than none).

With abstinence I want it to be something they claim, I don't want them to go about as virgins from a standpoint of that their mom and I told them to. I want it to become they either accept or reject on their own, same thing with being raised in a Christian household, I want what they hear and learn to be something they claim as their own, as the quote goes; "God has no grandchildren". It has to be something they think out and call their own, thinking for oneself is a part of growing up.

Still with all this, but mostly the latter, my wife will have a say in this. I will not go behind my wife and hand out better protection if she says NO in abstinence taught along side safe[r] sex. Yet maybe she will see my point of view and this is how we will teach our kids about sex and sexuality.

[n][v]

Fixing myself from the inside out

Lately I have been having a lot of anxiety attacks combined with recluseness that could almost make me out to be Enochlophobia - Fear of crowds, but I am realizing what has caused these triggers to suddenly spring out of nowhere...

It started with losing my job; oh the heartbreak of losing such a wonderful job; I loved working with the kids, I liked interacting with my coworkers on and off the clock, and the custodian is my brother in Christ, Henry I miss ya bro.

So I started looking for a job, something similar, something with kids, a win-win-win situation I think; I'm good with kids, I love working with kids and if I get paid for it, everyone goes home happy.

*silence from those places I applied to*

Then I started filling out applications at places I wouldn't normally applied to, but still jobs I find to be to my liking.

*silence from those places I applied to*

Then my worst fears of the job hunt were realized; I need somewhere, and outside the few unethical ones, it would have to be anywhere in my area. Much to the chagrin of me, a mental kick in the head...

*suprisingly...silence from the places I applied to*

***

So that is where my second break occurred, and my anxiety and stress made a lot of easy things difficult for me. Yet I continued to get passed it all, but it was hard and my answer came from my subconscious during a nap. I don't think the mind can fix everything, but there are times the unconscious mind works better to solve things than the conscious mind.

And so I managed to fix myself from an unconscious state of being,
My anxiety is gone, my panic attacks are gone.
I know and am acting on what I have to do

The catalysts of an ear infection

I got an ear infection when I was out in Phoenix, it isn't a painful feeling per se, but I have little to no hearing in my left ear. Back in IL as a result-
- I am having anxiety attacks
- I hear myself eat
- I hear myself when I talk
- and I am getting a little stir crazy as a result...

I don't think it is going to be a long term thing, but it sucks nonetheless. It is weird to have a right ear to balance sound out in a logical way even tho it fails at doing it with one ear, it tries but alas sounds and voices come out a bit distorted as a result of hearing through one ear.

Can I complain about this....well...yes and no;

Yes - Because it hurts to hear out of only one ear, it hurts that I am trying to look for a job and try to take in what they're saying to the best of my ability, it hurts that I am having panic attacks (never have had them before) and the problems that stem from them.

No - Because there are people out there who can't hear at all. One ear that hears is better than none, but I guess that might be contested by the deaf community.

So I guess as much as this is annoying, it won't be forever.

P.S. If you're the praying sort, please pray that my ear infection goes away. Thank you :)

[n][v]

Sexual Education - Am I setting a double standard?

Lately I have been thinking about the future eduation of my future children pertaining to sex. I am thinking this over now so that when the time comes I might have a better answer to give...

I am a virgin, it is not a religious thing, it is not a because-God-told-me-to thing, but in my opinion I find that sex will be best between me and my future wife, to her I will give my virginity. Now if I marry someone who isn't a virgin, I am fine with that, but from a personal standpoint I am waiting.

Yet when I think about how I will go about teaching sex ed to my kids, some things come to mind:

- I will teach my kids the very basics at a younger age than I
- I want to open and honest where I can be with my kids pertaining to sex and sexualty
- When they're of age, I am considering teaching teaching them both abstinence AND safe[r] sex

The last one has me thinking, am I setting a double standard? Granted my sexual education was vague and somewhat of a joke, but in some ways it was my parents who taught me to save sex for marriage (but it is not their views that I reflect in my sexuality, but my own).
But thinking about kids in this present day and age, and some of the things I struggle and what my future kids might struggle with, I can't help but think that I might approach sex ed from both standpoints -- not as a save-sex-for-marriage-but-if-you-can't standpoint, but faced with sexuality in their own ways, I rather have my kids better prepared by use of different safe[r] sex methods.

I'm sure that some might question What if your daughter gets pregnant? What if your son gets someone pregnant? Yes, this is on my mind as well, and honestly I believe if I set the roots of trust and honesty in a lot of things at an early age, nurturing it like a plant, when kids are older they will remember and what might be deemed awkward might not be too awkward because the plants of trust and hoensty has been constantly nurtured and have grown into awesome plants (my kids in case you got lost in this metaphor).

I want to teach my kids about sexuality, that it is a gift from God, that is an awesome gift and should not be treated cheaply. I don't want to raise kids who run around sleeping with everyone, but if I seem maturity in them, sexual/emotional and even spiritual, I might be more comfortable handing them condoms and birth control than if I never set the groundwork (it has to be set down, but still it is maturity from the groundwork that my wife and I will have to resolve if we should hand them better protection than none).

With abstinence I want it to be something they claim, I don't want them to go about as virgins from a standpoint of that their mom and I told them to. I want it to become they either accept or reject on their own, same thing with being raised in a Christian household, I want what they hear and learn to be something they claim as their own, as the quote goes; "God has no grandchildren". It has to be something they think out and call their own, thinking for oneself is a part of growing up.

Still with all this, but mostly the latter, my wife will have a say in this. I will not go behind my wife and hand out better protection if she says NO in abstinence taught along side safe[r] sex. Yet maybe she will see my point of view and this is how we will teach our kids about sex and sexuality.

[n][v]