Spiritual lens

Last night I was thinking about "lens" of the spiritual sort,
and then over a Guinness Draught (off campus, JudCo. boys and girls) I started thinking about it even more.
You see, everyone wears lens -- whether if it is the background they come from that says black people are inferior and that white people are superior, maybe the lens some people wear tell them that homosexuals are hated by God and should be avoid at all costs... Whatever the lens you and I wear, they affect our interactions with people on a daily basis.
My friend Jim* and I were talking last night about a mutual friend of ours, in which she is a Muslim whom Jim would really like to see become a follower of Christ. I too would like to see Rachel* to become a follower of Christ, but I confronted Jim about the lens issue. I did not spell it out as well as I could have, mainly due to the fact that I was tired and sometimes to get the cogs a'movin' in my head I need to think it out alone...with or without alcohol.
Anyway, I started thinking about how Rachel views (her lens) Christianity; She sees Jim as a nice, well-mannered, deep and thoughtful individual who knows her well. She sees his following of Christ as something serious and deep, which isn't wrong of course, but sometimes I feel like Jim is thinking/believing with his head and not his heart.
Rachel also knows another person Jim and I do, Simon (to me, a fiend of sorts) who has hit on her and has professed to being a follower of Christ, yet... If going by actions, the lens that Rachel perceives Simon's 'faith' or whatever you want to call it as rude, abusive, weasel-like, tenacious, disgusting and revolting. I mean, if I were in Rachel's shoes and Simon did that to me, I certainly would not want to be a follower of Christ if that's what Christians did.
Then there's me; Rachel's lens of followers of Christ by way of me is one of understanding, kindness, spontaneity, love, compassion and mystery (of the good sort). Rachel is very honest with me, both of how she is and how she REALLY is- sometimes it takes a bit longer to get her talking about what she's really feeling, but with time, patience and love, she comes through.

***

Now Jim is a smart guy, a cool guy, a good looking guy...eh, I'm off-track. Yet the lens Rachel sees is one of him trying to win her over to Christ by way of head knowledge, a I'm-right-you're-wrong sort of way, which Rachel... Rachel isn't too interested in giving up everything Muslim from this angle and certainly I wouldn't want to either if I were in her shoes. My friend Jim, I wish he could get it when I explain to him that he should win her over with heart facts not head facts, he is very passionate, but he needs to move some of that head knowledge down to his heart.
Right now, Rachel is going through some hard times, in which I would say is that she's becoming a bit bitter with her current circumstances, but as a devout Muslim, her allegiance is to her beliefs and her parents, in which the latter is giving her trouble, but as a Muslim, she really can't raise a fist.
Rachel and I are close friends, and while Jim knows her more, he seems to know more of her by head. I on the other hand, know her heart, and while Jim doesn't like this aspect about me, I really don't know how to get it through his head to think/feel more with his heart.

***

So the lens that Rachel sees Christianity and followers of Christ is rather skewed, I am saddened by some of the internal quarrels I have with other followers of Christ, because when it comes down to it, shouldn't the only lens others (by others, I mean those who aren't followers of Christ) see is Christ?
I'll leave you with that thought.

[nv]

On this eve of Lent...

I feel a bit like Jesus and his 40 days in the desert: The part about being tempted by satan and perhaps the lonliness of being alone from others. Sure, Jesus was fully God and Man, so I am certain that he had bouts of lonliness...

*sigh*

It's not that I feel lonliness on a person-to-person level, but my mom spent some time talking to me about past&present areas of hurt -- in her life, but as well as mine. She did not mean to draw so much out, but because of it the hurts are closer than they ever should be. The big area of hurt was in reference to my father; he avoids me like the plague and he hasn't had a decent conversation with me since last summer (or so I believe). Sure, he does talk to me in a look-at-me-I-am-a-good-father tone to me, but that's only at church! Outside of that...silence...how it tears me up inside at times (tonight, it's weighing heavy on my heart) and I know longer believe that it isn't me, but when I think about it from a logical and rational point of view (which I shouldn't) I question why would someone in their right mind not talk or have anything to do with their ONLY son? Then I start loathing him and poisoning myself to get at him, it inflicts no pain to me, but it leaves me hurt and saddened.

***

I'm calling it a night, and while the nightmares haven't returned, the wounds of life leave me open to infection.

[nv]

My (spiritual) roots

As a personal exercise for me, I am going to write about my spiritual roots. Thinking it over in my head, I figure that I have three phases in my walk as a follower of Christ, and they are as follows:

1) "Christian" - 5 to 14
2) Follower of Christ - 15 to 20
3) Pilgrim/Ragamuffin - 21...

In the following 3 blogs (albeit, I may blog about something else in between) I will write step by step what that particular phase of being a follower of Christ was like for me, what shaped me, what aided in the growing of my spiritual roots.

♥ ♥ ♥ Valentine's Day ♥ ♥ ♥

♥

Today I spent part of my day with my girlfriend, while it wasn't too Valentine's Day-esque (Yes, I did get her roses&chocolate), that is going to happen this weekend coming up. I enjoy spending time with the girlfriend, and though there were times where Ben (her older son) was running around like crazy (he does that sometimes), it was still fun...it's always fun.
God has truly blessed me with a wonderful girlfriend, she is amazing, beautiful, creative, delightful, excellent, friendly, Godly, happy, intelligent, joyful, kind, loving, marvelous, nice, observant, passionate, quick, respectful, smiley, thoughtful, understanding, v (I'll think of something), wonderful, x-treme, young and zestful!

:D

She makes me smile,
my girlfriend Chrissy.

[n][v]

the nightmare has returned...pray for me.

This might come across as straight/bizzare/etc but since Friday night, the nightmare (read below) has returned. I don't know why I am having a reoccuring nightmare, but I have been...

Okay,
here's the nightmare I've had since Friday and on other occasions:

It's a funeral scene,
in which a dear friend of mine is dead,
(where the funeral is held varies, lately it has taken place at dusk in a grove of trees)
and I approach the casket,
look at her face,
and I cry - but my tears aren't tears persay, rather, they're tears of blood.
I cry and the tears of blood stain me and her...

That's where it ends
and it scares the crap out of me everytime.

So please pray for me,
thanks.

[n][v]

Ministry insights: why I am not throwing it away...

The relationships I have going with the students I hang out with.

Life at this time is very hectic at this time, and as a result my time has been altered and my quest for finding a job has been rather slow. I do get out and apply at a lot of places both near and far from my house, but lately, looking for jobs has become a full time job. As if that were not enough, I also have a class that I'm taking at the local community college, I have a wonderful girlfriend I like spending time with, I am involved with my church's middle school group, I am involved with Young Life, I am mentoring a young guy from my church, I am helping my mom as she recoups from surgery.

***

Needless to say, I am a bit on the tired side with everything I have going on. But you know what? I wouldn't trade any of it away, I simply wouldn't.
My father (earthly) has talked to me about dropping EVERYTHING to spend more time looking for a job, he has gotten under my skin about a lot of things, but to say that I should throw away the relationships I have going, the ministries I'm involved with... simply, it is something I WILL NOT DO!!! (There, I said it.)
My father tried to explain to me that once he got his psych job, he dropped everything (including tuitoring some people) in pursuit of the job. That saddens me to think that he dropped all for a job. While a job is important, I could never be that callous to the point where I screw everything I (by God's strength) have been doing+being. My father can and does cut such ties in his life, back then to now, the ties that bind are either loosely assembled or they're not even there, I will never do such things as that.
So even though I am busy like no other, I will continue on with what I have & looking for a job as well. I do not want to be one of those people who builds relationships and then walks away from them, it would hurt me, but possibly hurt more the other people involved, as one of the guys I hang with said last night "You've become a part of our lives, you've become a part of my life" - and while I don't puff myself with pride on this, I am humbled and thankful to God for those people who have not only been ministered unto me, but also those who (in their own certain ways) have ministered to me.

[n][v]