A visit to the local mosque

I'm not questioning what I believe as a follower of Christ, I am not wavering in my faith and "experimenting", it's just that I have Muslim friends and I know how they worship and do different things based on what they have told me but also what I have learned pertaining to Muslims and Islam.
I contacted the local mosque and they invited me, so I went...read on, eh? :)



Two Fridays ago I had the chance to visit the local mosque. I arrived early and I am glad I did, because it gets really crowded in their "sanctuary". There are no seats except for at the back of the sanctuary, perhaps for visitors like me and maybe those who cannot pray as a Muslim does because it requires a lot of serious face-to-the-floor praying and then in the next instant they're back on their feet facing heaven.
The Imam spoke spoke from the Koran that day, sharing how when we are a blessing to others, our blessing in their lives might encourage them to be a blessing to others themselves! He spoke from the Koran in Arabic, but he spoke plenty in English as well.

One thing I will say about the service and the Muslims that were gathered, they were more hospitable to me than the practicing Jews at the local Synagogue (I too went there to learn how Jews worship by way of observing); less eye daggers and more greetings of salam alaikum which is kind of like the passing of the peace some of us followers of Christ share with one another, I know this phrase so I in return shared alaikum salam which is returning their peace be with you with peace be unto you as well, those that I returned this too smiled without a facade of what is this guy doing?

After the service I met Jim* and we started talking casually, how nice the weather has been, how it's great to see the changing of seasons, etc. Jim is originally from Jordan, and he shared how in his country it is desert, there is no visible sign of change like here in Illinois.

I then ventured to ask Jim a pertinent question, I asked him how he carried out his beliefs as a Muslim on a day-to-day basis, to which he shared with me how he treats others with respect, how he treats others as he himself would like to be treated.
Jim then asked me if I were a Christian, to which I honestly shared that I am, HE then started asking ME questions!
He shared with me that his boss is a Christian and recently they started talking about what it means to be a Christian and from Jim's perspective what it means to be a Muslim. Jim asked me what did Isaiah refer to Jesus as being god (a lesser god than God)? I explained a little bit to Jim about what Christians believe in regards to the Trinity, I broke it down as easy as I could because it's an unfamiliar concept for Muslims.
He then shared with me how it found it to be very odd but amusing and cool that God would come to earth to and wrestle with one of his own, Jacob wrestled with God, and Jim thought it was interesting that God, creator of everything, came to earth to pick a fight with one of his own  I too find that interesting.

After our conversation we shook hands and were about to go, but I stopped Jim and asked him how I could pray for him, he was a little suprised that I would ask this (but this is becoming more of who I am, thanks be to God) but he shared with me that needed prayer for guidance and then Jim asked how he could pray for me, I shared how I was in need of a second job because of the economy. Our handshake became more of a hand embrace if you will, it lasted till we parted ways, it was definitely a God moment inside a mosque.

***

I aim to return to that mosque, to hear what the Imam has to say but to also build community with some of the Muslims in my area. I don't aim to convert them or anything, but to love on them and build friendships. True love has no agenda is something I say now and then, and this is an area where it is true, to be their friend and let what I believe flow out of me. St. Francis of Assisi said it best; "Share the Gospel at all times and use words when necessary." I do use words, but sometimes me being there or just listening speaks larger volumes than I ever could. Thanks be to God for opportunities for his love to flow out of me even in a mosque among Muslims.

[n][v]

*not his real name

The Love List - Things I love

Things I love:
- Photography
- Writing
- Sunsets
- Pints of Guinness with my theology bro's
- French kissing
- Holding hands
- Giving back massages
- Snuggling
- Laying in bed with the blankets over my head
- Smiling kids, waving to kids
- Good communication
- Puns
- Documentaries
- Sleeping in
- Waking up to a chill song (my mp3 player doubles as my alarm clock).
- Art by Van Gogh
- My family; my sisters 3 and I
- Dreams that I have
- Dreams that will come true
- Her *swoon* I love her so much already

What's on your list?

[n][v]

Dreams are for dreamers (and I am one)

2 nights ago this is what I dreamt:

I was on my way to Nashville with my 2 of my sisters to visit my other sister for Christmas. We were entering into Kentucky from Indiana which happens by crossing over a large bridge. I dreamt we were rear-ended by a semi and he knocked us off the bridge! We fell 50-60 feet into the water and my car started to sink, I was able to get out but my sisters were having difficulties getting out, they were in need of help but I didn't help either of my sisters  not out of selfishness, but because the moral dilemma questioned which sister would I save over the one I did not and I didn't want to have to deal with people saying well you saved ___________ instead of ____________, why is that? So (in my dream) I saved myself only, I watched as my sisters pounded on the rear window looking at me forlornly, as my car faded into the deep and I swam to the surface.

Yikes!

This actually started off 8 hours of bad dreams

Though last night, I had a good dream, it lasted me 6 hours

If any of you have seen the movie Across the Universe, take that plot for the most part but replace the music with that of Bob Dylan and that's what I dreamt about. I remember for part of my dream I was chasing a cute redhead

(not this girl, but I had to find a picture for reference  or something like that...)

I was chasing her in a way lovers do sometimes, it was fun and enjoyable, I like being the pursuer at times and sometimes I like being pursued myself. Another aspect of my dream was that Bob Dylan actually had a cameo in the movie/dream! Someone I was with said Look there's Robert Zimmerman! He corrected my friend saying his name was Bob Dylan and don't you forget it!
Oh dreaming, finding her in my unconscious state is easy, but I need to find her in real life...and I will! For better or worse, I like dreaming, but there is a time for that and a time for also interacting with others.

[n][v]

Starting to write my Christmas cards

This is a song for my Xangamigos who are down and out on love, love will return to you :)

***

I have all I need to start writing my Christmas cards, and some of those I am sending cards to are people I know through here (I wish I could send you all one, but my budget is quite tight this year ). I've decided even though I am down and out on love as far as boyfriend-girlfriend relationships go, I will do my best to spread a bit of Christmas cheer with those around me, not as a facade but as an encouragement to others as well as myself. I admit that this Christmas season I've been a little Grinchy (having a sour disposition on life, being a bit of a jerk to different people, maybe some anger towards others as well -- not that they deserve it);

Being single isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there are times where it absolutely sucks, now is one of those times where it sucks to be single. I enjoy spending holidays with SO's, but I haven't one and while I am looking and praying, I know I can't rush things this time around and I know I will have to take it slow. But moving slow and forward works for me.

On another note, I've decided that among the people I will send cards to this year, I will include the President as well as his family. Sure a LOT of people are probably doing this, but I want to be a voice that says to President Obama and family Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Don't forget He (Jesus) is the reason for this season. I also want to encourage him from someone who voted for him, that regardless of what 2010 has to offer, I will continue to pray for him and for those who help run the country with him.
As a follower of Christ I believe wholeheartedly that we should pray for those who are politically in charge, even if we don't align ourselves with some of all of their views. As some of you followers of Christ know, there are some followers of Christ who are anti-Obama and they say pretty rotten things pertaining to the President, do NOT act like they do, God is in control so don't fret.

That's all I have this evening,
[n][v]

Thoughts about church

Now I've known this for a while now, and some of you already know this already, but I'm sharing it anyway;

This is a collage of 615 photos I took [when it was nicer outside] for the church I attend, I was going with church architectural designs, I could talk about it but not right now.
What you see might seem like church to you, but really it isn't. For you see, the church isn't the building itself but the group of individuals, followers of Christ, "saints and sinners", believers, Christians, etc. who gather within the building.
This past Christmas Eve I attended 3 different Christmas Eve services, my pastor at The Warehouse actually invited my father and I up to partake in lighting the last Advent candle prior to the Christ candle, it was great to be with all those individuals, for better or worse, to worship and praise God in our distinct ways -- this is the church.

When I was at each of these 3 buildings surrounded by followers of Christ and those who want to be more like him, I related to the people around me, opening up to the real/authentic Nathanael, which I feel comfort, trust and security with letting people in with who I really am, when I do this people, more often than not, reciprocate the feeling and they themselves become real/authentic with me -- this is the church.

Singing songs, praying together, praying for one another and lifting one another up -- this is the church. It's about living together, building communal, intentional, relational, emotional friendships that can last a lifetime. With my intent on moving out to Southern California next year I've been pondering some things, one of them being when I move out there what will say about me pertaining to my family and friends? Sure I will keep in contact with a lot of them via facebook/email/phone/snail mail/et al. But what does it say about me? I've been a downer to myself about it all, but I've made up in my mind that if God is the vine and we are the branches, I can take leave and graft myself anywhere and continue my journey and story as a follower of Christ, the see-ya-laters won't be forever, I'll still visit IL now and then (preferably when there's no snow on the ground ), this is just a part of growing up and making roots and a life for my own.

We who are followers of Christ are the church, we need to remember that; for the times when we walk out the doors of a building we're not walking away from all, we have a chance to take root elsewhere and grow into whom God is shaping us to become.

[n][v]

I think I have a television character based alter ego...

Tonight I was at a social function with my mom, people were required to wear name tags so that we could meet and greet a little bit easier, but I being my creative self (or deviant, you choose) did this with my name tag;

Now so you don't get stumped, I wore a name tag that said Hello my name is House M.D. Dr. House, the guy from House M.D. is someone I'm starting to see myself as, in some weird way I am kinda like Dr. House to some people in my life -- for better or worse.

In case you don't know much about the character, Dr. House is a very intelligent doctor but his quirks and personality drive people to him but equally or a bit more it drives people away from him. His fellow doctors are constantly being at their wits end over this guy, the girl Dr. House pursues is someone he repels away by him simply being himself, I think that's how I can be at times -- repelling and appealing to others based on me being me, I know some girls are fascinated by my knowledge, my noticing the little things, my attention to detail, my love for God and others. This flows out of me sometimes because that is who I am, but then there's the ME that pisses people off. It's not a I'm-doing-this-because-I'm-a-shock-jock-wannabe scenario but I do know and sometimes use stronger language (i.e.4 letter words) because something affects me deeper and worse than mere "clean" words as it were can accomplish, but I have stipulations around my swearing:
1) Not around little kids, they wouldn't grasp my reason as to why I swear
and
2) I'm working hard at not swearing around my sister, she GETS me and what is troubling me IS serious, I've cut back A LOT of what I say around her, but she gets my plight.

I swear for good reasons, I have even been able to find reasons in which to say God damn (which if you want to know the basis of that, email me) fill-in-the-blank. My mom would say I swear just to swear, but if she would listen to me instead of just hear me, my thoughts and ideas would make sense to her and her holier-than-thou thou-shalt-not-swear-th attitude would leave and there would be less tension between her and I.

I also seem to repel people at times because I am blunt, I sometimes tell it like it is and that's not always kosher in today's society, too often we're supposed to play nice with others and not talk about the large pink elephant in the room which is there, but I see it and I talk about it! It's called having balls, it's called loving on others and sometimes that requires a verbal smacking around.

My repelling of others continues in the form of being very protective of those I call my own and that coincides with my savior complex; I sometimes feel like I need to protect and save some people in my life, as if they can't on their own OR if I don't help no one else will.
This is not a good place to be, and I'm fighting it and not going it as wholeheartedly and with much zeal as I once did, but it is still there, sometimes knawing at me do something it whispers in a silky voice if you don't no one else will it beckons me...but if I start saving or protecting one individual, it will lead to another which will lead to another and I am only one guy! I can make a difference, but I need to think it out and plan, do what I can and entrust God with the rest.

So I guess maybe this is my version of Confessions, I'm no ancient church father but I do have my share of gifts and faults which I bring to the table wherever I go to whomever I am with. I'm Dr. House, I am me, but guess what? There's no one I rather be than myself and I am satisfied most of the time with the person God is making me become; chip by chip, layer by layer, this statue of a man that lays before will be completed in God's time not my own.

[n][v]

My thoughts about leadership (pertaining to me, can't say only but can't say everybody)

This past year I have come to this conclusion about leadership pertaining to me;
If I am somewhere in need of a leader because where I'm at lacks one, I will be that leader & if I am somewhere in need of a better/more efficient, I will take over.
I've been to a few places (prior to this change of mind) where it wasn't my scene, in particular some church functions that occurred in churches that I don't attend, and the leadership (or lack thereof) was pretty bad; unorganized, scatterbrained, dysfunctional and kids wanted to know what they wanted to do, but they bleated like lambs without a shepherd and I didn't do anything because it wasn't my church.
But after recognizing this in hindsight, I shared with a woman who is the youth director at my church who was at this church function my thoughts on this and she thought this was a good idea; to step up when everyone seems to be sitting down, to be a leader even though it isn't my 'flock to lead' as it were.

Now I know some people's reaction to this might be how dare you do something like this, you're not the boss! I know I'm not, but if no one is stepping up and calling the shots, I as a leader will step up and be that leader; not being cocky or bossy, but just taking charge for a while.

Being a leader comes very naturally to me, I have charima and passion to get people/ideas/the ball rolling. I sometimes chide that it has to do with my last name (Vitkus) which translates from Lithuanian into English as one who leads to which my sisters 3 and I all have different roles of leadership.

I am a follower as well, which I admit has been pretty humbling at times because it's about submitting to authority (not blindly on my part) and doing what they request of me even though I rather not, submitting to authority figure is something I struggle with from time-to-time because I question their intents and I have WHY questions, to which because I said so answers don't work for me (just ask my parents).

But I'm getting there, being a better leader and being a better follower, something for me to further expand upon in the not so distant future of 2010

[n][v]

P.S. A quote about leadership; "I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader." -- Creed from The Office

A call to leadership on my part: Hat & Glove drive

Now I want to thank God in advance for equipping me to acting on this in the now, some things in life I have mentally thought it can wait till I'm older, it can wait till I have more financial resources but this thing I have got off the ground was without resources of my own, but just a desire to see a need get taken care of.

***

When I was working at the local soup kitchen last Thursday a young woman approached me as we were just getting the place cleaned up. She asked me if we had any hats and gloves, I didn't know so I asked Pam* (my boss kinda sorta) if we did and she sadly told the woman that we didn't.
Finding out that we didn't have this to offer the people who come through our doors saddened me, we do have food, winter jackets, toiletry kits, even sleeping bags to give away to those who come, but the absence of hats and gloves in weather likes this got the gears in my head moving.

Pam I asked my boss What if I get a hat/glove drive with the churches I'm involved with? She thought this was a good idea and so I text messaged both of the lead pastors at my church, I got the approval!  I was asked by one of my pastors to give a short plug about my intentions and the need that's there at the soup kitchen, I also realized that the anxieties that I sometimes have when talking in front of people was gone, but that's because I knew my audience, I knew what I was going to talk about and I have a desire and a passion to help others...thanks be to God.
I received an email from my church's secretary, she told me I have a bunch of hats and gloves waiting for me to pick up! I'm excited that people heard what I had to say and are doing what they can to see my hat/glove drive happen. My goals for the rest of the day besides the usual is to talk to some more churches I've worked with and see if I can do more of the same.

[n][v]

*Not her real name

I'm a rebel

Hello, my name is Nathanael, I am a rebel.

Not my intro, but if you invest time in me you will find that this is true.

I can identify with these guys:

(James Dean, Marlon Brando and Hans Solo respectively)
 
I'm a soul rebel like Bob Marley
I'm a rebel rebel like David Bowie
I have a rebel yell like Billy Idol,

***

Paying heed to authority figures has been a life long struggle, to simply do something as a result of it being the law causes me to think that the ones who say these things are keepers and enforcers of the law i.e. cops, but to see these keepers and enforcers of the law break the laws they supposedly uphold leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth and I see double standard and liar stamped on their foreheads for doing so.
Yet I don't break all of the laws, I have common sense and more sense to boot, so you won't see me with a bottle of Jack in my hand while driving 55mph in a 30. I know better than that though some people might say if you're gonna follow laws might as follow them all, but that isn't me, I excerise some things that don't affect people, such as going 5mph over the limit on country roads or 10mph over while on the expressway, it's all about balance.

Yet as I think about being a rebel, not all of it has been bad; I think for myself, I make views that are my own, I don't cling to the tenants and beliefs of my parents for their sake but for my sake.
Being a rebel has made me step up and say what I think, so it has made me bolder. Being a rebel has made me generate thought ideas that differ from the groupthink that I'm sometimes a part of.

***

But being a rebel has its downsides; I'm not as easily convinced on somethings, I need to be "broken down" a little bit before I comply with things [such as the status quo etc], I argue a lot and I honestly think too much at times with certain people i.e. the parents <--- but it also stems from having a mom who fights like me and having an absent father in my life is hardcore passive aggressive.

But God is working in me through all this, to be a better leader and to be a rebel where its needed. I like how God works through me and I have the desire to change and bring about change, but to also retain parts of who I am.

[n][v]

Take time to make time: Jim's story

   Today I meant to meet up with some people at the place I work, but I happened to have arrive when the people I intended to meet with were out.
   I had my camera on me because I was out and camera-in-hand-itis is what I am afflicted with and there's no cure!
    Anyway, I walked out and a guy who was eating lunch at the local church (where they serve a free meal on Thursdays) asked me you're not going to take my photo, are you? I said to him, no sir, not if you don't want to, I myself photograph so I don't have to be photographed. 
    He smiled at that and he and I started talking. Now this happens a great deal and I earnestly think God flicks off my fear switch and I approach people, face-to-face, eye-to-eye, and just talk and listen where needed be.
   Jim* starts talking to me about life and what's going on in his life, he also starts cracking jokes about the other people gathered, some in fun but also some of what they're addicted to. I start talking soccer with Jim and I share how much a mutual friend of ours loves his country's soccer team to the point that I had a verbal argument about soccer in church! He shared how that's how some people are, him being half Brazilian, he knows and I know! Brazilian soccer is pretty kick ass, plus they had Pele...back to my story.
   Jim starts asking about my vocation, I share how I am a senior in the field of Psychology, he starts asking what I plan to do when I am done with my degree, I share I really don’t know and he starts giving advice to which the best part of what he shared was to not be intimidated by people who might have gone to a more prodigious school than I have, paper is paper, show them what you have to offer. I share with Jim how I find that my calling is Youth Ministry, he perks up on that and asks if he can give me a “three second interview” pertaining to Youth Ministry, the “why should we hire you” and related. At the end of all this he shakes my hand and wishes me a good day, I ask him as he rises “Jim, how can I pray for you?” 
   Jim sits back down, he’s more quiet and reserved now, he responds in close to a whisper; my addiction is alcohol, I listen and he shares with me some of the things he went through; how he was once in school himself, how he majored in Business and Linguistics but he dropped out in his 3rd year. I listen to what he has to say and then he shares how our conversation wasn’t fueled by alcohol, that what he shared with me was real, to which I do believe him when he says it wasn’t the booze talking.
   He goes back to being lively and talkative and he gets up again and says Nathanael, I might be an alcoholic but I am a judge of good character, you have it and you have a good heart, you will make it and you will succeed. We shake hands and we part ways. 
   I smiled as I walk to my car because of God working within me to BE with someone, to listen and talk, to love on the ones the world loves to hate, to take time to make time. I also smiled because a guy who I never met, a guy who dropped out of college, who is addicted to alcohol, who has gone through some rough times – affirmed me in what I find to be my calling, to work with youth and aid to their spiritual development. 
   I am thankful to God for the many opportunities to go and BE, I enjoy investing my time instead of spending it in the lives of others, including strangers who are aware of their brokeness. 
   As my friend Justin says; "My worldview includes you." To which I hope I do see the broader picture, to see the other-worldly, to include everyONE in my scope of life and to love on everyone including those that world loves to hate.

[n][v]

*not his real name

Is "Putting Up" with someone healthy?

Last night I was was watching my sister play indoor with my mom, we got to casually talking and she told me how she spent some time with *Pam earlier in the day. Now Pam is someone my mom has known a long while, but the friendship (or so my says it is) has always been give-and-take; my mom gives and Pam takes, there's no sharing, plus Pam has a few kids I've worked with in the context of Youth Ministry, they might have grown up and started a life of their own, but we keep in touch...
Anyway, I hate and rarely call women this, but Pam's a real bitch to my mom. EVERYthing has to be run by Pam, while my mom can suggest things, that's as far as it gets, suggestions. My mom is smart, educated, but those she chooses to call her friends sometimes boggles my mind, because for most of us we have friends who are more like us than those who are different, and yet Pam is WAY different than my mom... To some degree she has attributes that remind me of my father, perhaps that's another reason why I don't like her so much.

Anyway, we started talking about her time with Pam and she mentioned to me that this is the first time they hung out in 3 months, and then she says Pam is my best friend...

 *jaw drop*

So Mom I ask her You haven't hung out with her in 3 months and you still consider her your best friend? Yes I do. I was absolutely perplexed at my mom's statement, and in some ways I still am.

Thing is, I don't have a best friend (I did, but she broke my heart and ended our engagement, but that's another story), I do have a good friends who are very similar to me; we're social justice minded, we're not in it for the money, we're in it to serve God by serving others, we also like to discuss Theology over a pint or two of beer (hence my love for Guinness).
One of these good friends of mine I work with in the context of Youth Ministry at one of the churches I attend, I see him 2-3 times a week! The lines of communication are very open, it also helps that I've known this guy for 14 years. Time and trust has forged a great friendship, if he was here I'd let y'all know about Ben even moreso.

***

After the soccer game I was driving my sister and I back home, we started talking about the game and then I transitioned into talking about mom and Pam and how she puts up with her and still labels her best friend. My sister shared how she finds this very possible, how she and her best friend only hang out 30-40 minutes a week, how they don't always see eye-to-eye, she too puts up with her friend and it works out well according to my sister.

I can't help but think that putting up with someone's little foibles, as long as they're not endangering themselves, someone else and myself, okay I can put up with that. Yet how far is too far with putting up with someone? I mean, if I were dating someone who was a drug user, I wouldn't gloss over their drug use or put up with it, I would help them out where I could.

***

So maybe this is a gender thing, maybe us guys aren't too keen of putting up with more than the little things, but I really don't know -- this is where you the reader, if you're still here, can add your 2 cents to this.

[n][v]

*not her real name