I'll stick to writing here, knowing that you have dialup. It'll keep you from going off and about for 15 mins for my other site to open because it's my photo blog.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Grinning like an Idiot :D
That's the big news in my life,
I am in love with love, my heart started loving again for love's sake.
How did this all come to be?
Good question, my friend Cassie and I spent almost all of Sunday together; we made chocolate cheesecake asses, drank wine and smoked cigars, but within all that, she helped me to get out of the dust and discarded unloved pile...and I started to love again.
It's written on my face if you see me,
it's written on my work's asphalt if you see it, large font size 1500, words saying I AM FREE TO LOVE AGAIN and LOVE WINS.
I'm grinning like an idiot, I even left it on while I fell asleep,
sure I was in a car accident, have school problems and I sprained my ankle shooting hoops with the boys last night...but I'm in love with love again, it's been close to 6 months since I've felt this...since I've felt love.
Whether giving, receiving, sharing, etc forms of love
I am in love with love once again
Love
Love
Love,
It's not all that you need,
but it makes life palpable.
I hope I can give it back to her like she gave it to me,
we all need love, she definitely needs love in her life.
Thanks Cassie,
for making the last day of summer the best day of summer.
[n][v][love's love]
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Thinking of joining AA...
Now I know you might be thinking Alcoholics Anonymous, but no, I don't have a drinking problem.
I do think that I have an affirmation problem,
not that I do things out of selfish intent, that I walk an old lady across the street just for the thanks she'll give me,
but sometimes I do things similar to that.
I don't hear at my house "good job" or other words of praise,
I am mostly complimented by those I work with -- both kids and fellow workers -- and I am thankful of their thanks, maybe too much.
I remember in my childhood, my parents never said that we were "good" kids, because as they ruled out "no one is good except for God". Yet I was the troubled kid, the kid who did negative to get a reaction and to get noticed, my peers got this and perhaps that combined with being the dorky little homeschooled kid that I was, I was "uncool" and the one people like to kick the crap out of it...Middle School was Hell for me.
In my high school years I became more athletic and suddenly I became cool, and I was riding high the tide being the cool one, and yet I treated other kids in an uncool way, similarly to the way kids treated me in Middle School.
...
Now I'm in my 20somethings, college years, I'm almost done and yet I think I'm getting to a point where I want to do well...on my own; I do have a job that's awesome and no one knows my family or parents (mainly my contention, a lot of jobs and related has been based off riding their coattails) and it's super.
I plan on moving on with my life in this streak of independence, and part of me wants to head out to SoCal.
...
Back to AA; while I do things out of love infused in me through Christ (I don't believe there's a shard of innate goodness in mankind), because I don't hear good this or good that, so I let the words linger in my heart and head, because who knows when I'll hear it next.
People like praise, I def. do, but no "yes men" or butt kissers, people who can give me REAL praise...I dig it.
[n][v]
I do think that I have an affirmation problem,
not that I do things out of selfish intent, that I walk an old lady across the street just for the thanks she'll give me,
but sometimes I do things similar to that.
I don't hear at my house "good job" or other words of praise,
I am mostly complimented by those I work with -- both kids and fellow workers -- and I am thankful of their thanks, maybe too much.
I remember in my childhood, my parents never said that we were "good" kids, because as they ruled out "no one is good except for God". Yet I was the troubled kid, the kid who did negative to get a reaction and to get noticed, my peers got this and perhaps that combined with being the dorky little homeschooled kid that I was, I was "uncool" and the one people like to kick the crap out of it...Middle School was Hell for me.
In my high school years I became more athletic and suddenly I became cool, and I was riding high the tide being the cool one, and yet I treated other kids in an uncool way, similarly to the way kids treated me in Middle School.
...
Now I'm in my 20somethings, college years, I'm almost done and yet I think I'm getting to a point where I want to do well...on my own; I do have a job that's awesome and no one knows my family or parents (mainly my contention, a lot of jobs and related has been based off riding their coattails) and it's super.
I plan on moving on with my life in this streak of independence, and part of me wants to head out to SoCal.
...
Back to AA; while I do things out of love infused in me through Christ (I don't believe there's a shard of innate goodness in mankind), because I don't hear good this or good that, so I let the words linger in my heart and head, because who knows when I'll hear it next.
People like praise, I def. do, but no "yes men" or butt kissers, people who can give me REAL praise...I dig it.
[n][v]
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Dang Blazes!
I started this blog close to 3 years ago;
3 years seems 3 lifetimes ago,
based off all I've been through.
3 years seems 3 lifetimes ago,
based off all I've been through.
It's August?!?
Like the geese in winter,
soon I will fly...fly...fly back to school, and God willing I will graduate this December! :D
soon I will fly...fly...fly back to school, and God willing I will graduate this December! :D