Friday, October 21, 2005

dating, marriage and sex - some nifty helpful things i learned today...

*i blog this info. because i find it to be relevant to me in my relationships, but also because they can help out other people's relationships.*

XYZ Approach = putting your feelings in context.

"when you said/did X in situation Y, I felt Z."
X = the thing someone said or did (blank).
Y = the situation in which the thing was said or done.
Z = the feeling/emotion felt.

Use "I feel" over "You are".
The difference in this scenario of how you "fight friendly" are the following;
I feel = responsibility
You are = places blame
I feel = speak[s] for myself
You are = presume[s] to speak about the other
I feel = honestly report[s] my feelings and problems
You are = elevate[s] my feelings and perceptions into shut down communication
I = open communication
You = encourages the other to get defensive

Fighting fairly;
-not to score points/not to push buttons
-is toward recounciliation, understanding and intimacy
-a place of safety
--->Risk = being intimate and vulnerable

--->Forgiveness = asking and giving

that's all i have from today's notes; this class is awesome and it is helping me get over some obstacles of the past and present.
:D Thanks be to GOD!


cat said...

by the way, thx for talking to me last nite...but mostly, thx for listening.