It's been interesting

to get my thoughts and emotions out on paper instead of out here in Xangaland.
I've been more honest to myself about the life I've lived, I've been more honest at pointing where blame lies; sure a good portion of the problems in my life have been caused by me, but by digging deeper I recognize so much of it is generational, so much of it is a hand-me-down I could do without.

In a moment of bravery perhaps instilled by the second pint of the evening last Tuesday, I let a guy I know into the real me, the ins and outs as to what really happens within my life. He handled the truth well, it was no suprise when he thought I had it together (or at least more together).

I don't have it together,
BUT-
But I think maybe, possibly, God is preparing me through all this shit I have gone through and still go through for something better in life. Something that gets me to where I need to be, something that to all the ones who may have scoffed at my potential I will give them a collective fuck you for what they said or for what they had done or for what they didn't do.

I think that'll be my pound of flesh extracted,
instead of taking it out against others in a violent manner as I've done in the past,
I will succeed, go above and beyond what ever they thought of me and to the mean people, the haters and the doubters -- fuck you!

That works for me, it honestly does.

***

Well back to life as I know it, I hope to drop in on my xanga birthday if not my real birthday, to which both are approaching quickly.

Have a good day and a better tomorrow,
Nathanael