I am sorry for those times you ask me "how are you doing" and I offer up a "fine" or "good" answer. I, in my cowardice, feel out of place sometimes when you (I'm writing to the whole, so I'm speaking as to the whole) ask me this question because one or more of the following;
1) Do you REALLY care about how I am doing?
2) Do you want the truth or do you want a FINE or GOOD answer?
3) How do I know what I say won't be gossiped about behind my back? Or how do I know it won't be shared and people will look at me with contempt as being "that guy"?
I have been burned by you all time and time again, but my focus isn't so much on you but rather on God. I pray to Him and talk to Him on a daily basis, like it was mentioned in my church today "communication builds relationships", I guess I don't have a relationship with as many of you as I would like...but I am getting there!
Please body of believers in Christ hear my apology, hear that I don't mean to give you the fake shitty answers, it is just a reflex after getting hurt from the past. I'm kinda shy and I'm kinda under the "once bitten twice shy" umbrella though my bites have been more than once, I'm still shy but I still try.
I'm reaching out to you, not all of you, but those of you who pose this question but follow it up with REALLY. I know some of you truly care for me and my welfare and you truly want to know, so I offer a truce and suggestion:
If you ask I will earnestly tell you the truth, but in return I ask that you mean what you're asking, truly mean the words that come out of your mouth as well as your heart. Human beings have the potential to love and destroy with the same mouth, love me, don't destroy me with your callous words, would you want that to be done unto you?
I will be real/authentic, it won't be pink pastel pretty but sometimes it will be rough around the edges and gritty, you have to accept that sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and it isn't good, but you know what? God is.
God is still good in my days where I feel like staying in bed all day,
God is still good when Fuck comes out of my mouth more than Love,
God is still good when I don't hear one encouraging word from another person in a day,
God is still good when I break down in tears and frustration because of events I cannot control and cannot get over the feeling of feeling so powerless...
Anyway, God remains good in all things. I will try my damndest to be real with you if you truly mean what you say and say what you mean.
Thanks, I love all of you.
~Nathanael~
1) Do you REALLY care about how I am doing?
2) Do you want the truth or do you want a FINE or GOOD answer?
3) How do I know what I say won't be gossiped about behind my back? Or how do I know it won't be shared and people will look at me with contempt as being "that guy"?
I have been burned by you all time and time again, but my focus isn't so much on you but rather on God. I pray to Him and talk to Him on a daily basis, like it was mentioned in my church today "communication builds relationships", I guess I don't have a relationship with as many of you as I would like...but I am getting there!
Please body of believers in Christ hear my apology, hear that I don't mean to give you the fake shitty answers, it is just a reflex after getting hurt from the past. I'm kinda shy and I'm kinda under the "once bitten twice shy" umbrella though my bites have been more than once, I'm still shy but I still try.
I'm reaching out to you, not all of you, but those of you who pose this question but follow it up with REALLY. I know some of you truly care for me and my welfare and you truly want to know, so I offer a truce and suggestion:
If you ask I will earnestly tell you the truth, but in return I ask that you mean what you're asking, truly mean the words that come out of your mouth as well as your heart. Human beings have the potential to love and destroy with the same mouth, love me, don't destroy me with your callous words, would you want that to be done unto you?
I will be real/authentic, it won't be pink pastel pretty but sometimes it will be rough around the edges and gritty, you have to accept that sometimes LIFE HAPPENS and it isn't good, but you know what? God is.
God is still good in my days where I feel like staying in bed all day,
God is still good when Fuck comes out of my mouth more than Love,
God is still good when I don't hear one encouraging word from another person in a day,
God is still good when I break down in tears and frustration because of events I cannot control and cannot get over the feeling of feeling so powerless...
Anyway, God remains good in all things. I will try my damndest to be real with you if you truly mean what you say and say what you mean.
Thanks, I love all of you.
~Nathanael~
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