I am thankful to God for life, but maybe 10 years ago it wasn't so.
My parents don't have the ideal marriage and it was very visible for myself and my sisters 3 growing up. Work played a higher priority in my father's life (still does) than us his family, and so this and other things took a toll on our family dynamic.
I, the only guy in the family, surrounded by 3 sisters and my mom, made life difficult for me and I became (and was) the "wild child". Some of it stemmed from my mom taking on both parental roles, some of it was from watching how my father treated her and some of it was of my own doing. Anyway, I wasn't a good son growing up to my mom.
But within my trouble I inflicted upon my mom, I was also troubling myself; I was depressed, lonely (though it didn't seem like it) and sad (it didn't seem like it either). So I guess it was around 8 years ago that I tried to commit suicide for the first time.
I rummaged the medicine cabinet for all the pills I could find, I reckon I popped 70-80 specific health condition pills before I decided to call it a night, call it a life. Yet I woke up the next morning with a very bad stomach ache/hangover kinda feel, but I was alive.
The second time I tried to commit suicide I got out a razor blade and I intended to slit my wrists, but my conscious started speaking to me; Do you really want to kill yourself? Do you want one of your sisters to find you in a puddle of your own blood? You'll hurt your family more than you will ever hurt yourself if you go through with this. I dropped the razor blade and backed away from it to go to my room and just cry, I knew I couldn't go through with it but life still sucked.
In the time to come I became involved with the youth group of the church I attended, the youth pastor was new to his vocation, but still able to see through some of the facades I would wear around church.
He spent time with me, no, let me rephrase that, he invested time in me and asked the questions no one else would; whether peers or adults who had known me for a LONG time, I guess they thought everything was fine in my life, our family was considered the ideal family (but this was a life). My youth pastor helped me out, by providing me with council and helping me in my spiritual development, I got involved with the leadership team and I was loving it all.
Tragically my youth pastor and his wife left shortly into my Senior year of high school, no one will give me a definitive answer to why they left, but I am certain it was church politics and his "radical" approach to things -- nothing bad, but sometimes when you make waves in the church, the higher ups take such waves and treat them like tsunamis.
Yet what Dave instilled in my life did not necessarily require for them to be there, while it was sad to see them go, the changes God produced and they nurtured were able to continue even with them no longer in the picture.
It was also about that time that I felt my calling to Youth Ministry; knowing that I could relate to other kids and be relevant to them and have a good time among other things, I started on my road as a youth minister.
When I finished high school I found out that there was a new youth minister at my old church who needed help with the Jr. Highers. I shared with the leaders who took over for Dave if they'd like me to stay at our church and help them out, my loyalties were with my church first, but they gave me their blessing and said go for it at my old church.
So in 2003 I started youth ministry and it has been an awesome and sometimes painful road, but I don't regret any of it (well, besides breaking down a cabin door on my first Winter Retreat as a leader...but that's another story). I thank God for all the kids I have gotten to know over the years and for those I remain in contact with (my kids as I call them, I have seen them go on to do great things, we're all works-in-progress though
).So for the time being I help out with one of my church's youth groups, I am a youth ministry consultant to another, and then there's a bicycle repair program I'm involved with and I am also part of a mentoring program at my other church.
My goal is to move out to Southern California when I am done with my undergrad degree next year, I know some people out there and I want to give California a try for a while, doing more of the same that I am doing here and hopefully it'll be full time youth ministry.
So that's a part of who I am, a part of my story. Have any questions? feel free to message me or if you want to email me my email address is NPVitkus@gmail.com I'd love to answer your question[s] if I can.
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