Tuesday, November 04, 2008

I like the darker things in life...part one

Disclaimer: I am a follower of Christ and I like the darker things in life, I'm no ball of sunshine, I am me(which means I'm a realist and I'm chock full of melancholy). I enjoy the darker things of life...questions? Feel free to ask them.

I like Guinness (oooh! Sinful! )
The Guinness by Life in the Pumpkin Shell


I like cigars (oooh! Sinful! )
cigar by taligatamas™


I like dark movies
There Will Be Blood wallpaper by ryankg
The Dark Knight (darker) by speedgraferDonnie Darko ♥ by MYHALLOWEENMURDER <3
Red Dragon by James Clarke


I like dark music
Smashing Pumpkins by bioanarchism
'Saviour
etc...


Liking the darker things in life isn't a bad thing, but it does get a bad rap sometimes. I am a follower of Christ, I am angsty, I get pissed off, I have bad days I rather stay in bed and sleep, I hurt, I ache I scream obscenities into the darkened sky because life sucks.
All the while, God provides grace and love and mercy and tenderness and characteristics that I will never possess on my own, take love for example. I truly believe that mankind is not capable of loving itself and others, love is not an innate quality of man. I believe that I don't possess one drop of love on my own but God, working in me and through me, has given me love that I cannot contain, I want the love God has given me to splash out on everyone I come into contact with. Love is defined in so many ways, a while back I even posed the question of defining love and everyone I responded shared a different facet of love, which is good, because that's how love is!
Another not innate but in Nate quality is patience; I am a patient person, when what I am waiting for takes place right away, but if I have to wait, say I'm expecting something in the mail or planning life apart from school...yeah, I'm not patient then. I want right away at times, I can be childish and immature for what I want and cannot have right away. I am learning and relearning time and time again that I need to wait on God's perfect time and direction, to wait and not to take things s-l-o-w-l-y, which is a very difficult task for me, especially since I'm a college student. I want the degree to get the job to get going to get the future I want I want I want! Me Me Me! God hurry up now! *sigh* I digress at how impatient I can be at times, but I'm getting where I need to be and waiting and being patient

***
B
ack to darker things: I guess I like the darker things in life because I have seen a lot and I have been a part of a lot of things where I see God at work, but all the while (from a human perspective) it just sucks. I have worked with my church's middle school group for close to 6 years now, they're a great bunch of kids but I have seen the kids go through the crap of parents getting divorces, parents getting on their kids for not getting better grades than their already good grades, kids just feeling lonely and apart from what's going on, kids who don't have a lot of friends, kids who aspire to be the popular ones, etc... This is life and this sucks! I wish I could bring the kids through this dismal life, but what would that really do, it would probably get them dependent on me for helping them through, I can't risk it but I can offer up hope and encouragement and sometimes the-hey-let's-grab-a-bite-to-eat and say what you need to say. In my high school years my Youth Pastor was influential in my life in this area, he let me vent where I needed to, he was the adult I could go to and let him know what was really up.

I think some other Christians might have a problem with my dark side (it's not all encompassing, but it is noticeable), they might be like cheer up! God is good! Be happy! blah blah blah... Yes, God is good, but to those who have this tone of I should "cheer up", have you stepped outside your Christian bubble/fortress to see what's going on in life today? There are wars, genocides, national pandemics, hate crimes, crimes carried out because "God told me to", brother against brother, poverty, destruction, chaos, turmoil and apathy...How I can be thoroughly cheerful in a broken world? How can I consciously go through life in a everything's-A-Ok mode? I cannot, but more importantly, I will not...

To be continued

[n][v]

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