Luke 11:11-13
"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
*sigh*
This is how it rolls, my car has been worked upon in the last 48 hours and it is ready to be picked up. I asked my father to take me to the place, which is a simple thing to do, he said that he could not because his job is demanding and he needs a good night rest. I completely agree, sleep is important and it ties into the next day, but my father proceeded to sneak into the den and watch a movie!!! He rather watch a movie than be with his only son, someone who wants to get close to him instead of farther away than we already are. What the eff is he doing? I'll tell you what he's doing, he's manipulating me!
Because of him I lost my job on campus, and when I told him about it he didn't do anything, except state that he was 'sorry.' I didn't believe him, because that used to be me, I used to say I was sorry and didn't mean it whatsoever, so what if I lied...big woop, right? WRONG! I have to deal with my actions, but I can sniff out my father when he's being unauthentic...
This verse is like a kick below the belt, it hurts like heck because of my father's actions - both past and present - in which he has given me snakes and scorpions for a very long time. He is cold and he is cruel and one of the many areas has really gotten to me... I am someone who likes to receive gifts and presents during Christmas and on my birthday (don't we all?) and my father has not given me or my sisters and mother ANYTHING in the last couple of years!!! He tells us the day before or the day before my birthday that he didn't get us anything, how mean can you be? It used to be that I had to pick out my own presents/etc. and I hated it...
I was in a Bible Study where this verse was shared and then people discussed what it meant to them. People shared how kind and nice their fathers were and I squirmed in my chair, fidgeting because...well, this verse hurts my heart because my father is not... well, what this implies.
I am trusting in God to help me in regards to my attitude about my father. It hurts, yes, but God will help me... After all, I'm going on by God's strength alone.
[n][v]
Friday, May 26, 2006
why I HATE Luke 11:11-13
1 comments:
Nathanael, when people read this, they're gonna want to say, "Nathanael, it doesn't matter, God loves you." I know. This is how people are. I won't say that, because when I am hurting, crushed, overcome, totally feeling like sh-t, people have said that to me. Even if I could reach across the internet and grasp you heartily and long, that wouldn't help, not really. This is because it's your father.
That was the story of me and my dad most of the time. After I was an adult and reconnected to my father, who had in the meantime remarried and recommitted himself to Christ, our relationship improved, I would say, to the best level that I can expect, but even now it's not what either of us would really have wanted.
Example. When I wrote you an email about the car wreck I was in, and how my dad handled it (it was a new car!), I liked the story so well, I posted it on my blog, hoping to honor my dad. When I directed him to my blog, so he could read it, he emailed me back, "an interesting story, but that's not how I remember it." No other words! The rest of his response gave me the impression that he didn't like what I wrote, so I deleted the post. For most of my life, even after my dad and I reconnected, tho he was friendly, he simply didn't care about any good thing I did and showed him. He was so apathetic. Yet, when he'd visit us, he had words of praise for my wife and sons' accomplishments. But for me, nothing. I'd show him something I'd written (I am a writer!) and, he'd look and hand it back, usually without saying anything.
After I deleted the blog post about the car wreck and my dad's selfless and gentle way of dealing with me (which really was very Fatherlike, if you know what I mean), he surprised me greatly, by saying he'd printed out all 38 pages of my blog posts, so he could read them, and he would also be sending the link to my blog to his pastor, and some of our relatives (cousins, etc.). Wow! He actually was proud of me (I think!).
Dear brother, I've spent my life so far trying to learn how to be a father, by studying the Word of God, and by learning from the (sometimes dreadful) mistakes I made with my own four sons. I hope they will forgive me for being a bad father at times. I am still trying to be their dad (and also the dad of any other sons that come my way). I hope God will grant me to be a real father someday, before it's too late.
Somewhere I once read, "A son can stop being a son, but a father cannot stop being a father." I don't know if that's true or not, but I think in relation to God our Only Father (read my song "Sane Michael" in my blog), it IS true that He will always be a Father to us, even when we act like we're not His sons.
I feel for you, Nathanael, and I lift you up to Him who alone loves us. I really am trying to touch you. I have been there. Cut your dad some slack. This is a very trying time for all of us right now. The spiritual warfare is intense for me too, and has been unremitting for months. Thank God I have Brock, my brother in Christ, as a witness that God still loves me, even if the world is against me. Hang in there.
"The more heavily the Lord has armed you, the harder He expects you to fight." He has armed you, young brother. And we are both in the front line. Axios!
I am praying for you, and you pray for…
Romanós the sinner
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