Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fixing myself from the inside out

Lately I have been having a lot of anxiety attacks combined with recluseness that could almost make me out to be Enochlophobia - Fear of crowds, but I am realizing what has caused these triggers to suddenly spring out of nowhere...

It started with losing my job; oh the heartbreak of losing such a wonderful job; I loved working with the kids, I liked interacting with my coworkers on and off the clock, and the custodian is my brother in Christ, Henry I miss ya bro.

So I started looking for a job, something similar, something with kids, a win-win-win situation I think; I'm good with kids, I love working with kids and if I get paid for it, everyone goes home happy.

*silence from those places I applied to*

Then I started filling out applications at places I wouldn't normally applied to, but still jobs I find to be to my liking.

*silence from those places I applied to*

Then my worst fears of the job hunt were realized; I need somewhere, and outside the few unethical ones, it would have to be anywhere in my area. Much to the chagrin of me, a mental kick in the head...

*suprisingly...silence from the places I applied to*


So that is where my second break occurred, and my anxiety and stress made a lot of easy things difficult for me. Yet I continued to get passed it all, but it was hard and my answer came from my subconscious during a nap. I don't think the mind can fix everything, but there are times the unconscious mind works better to solve things than the conscious mind.

And so I managed to fix myself from an unconscious state of being,
My anxiety is gone, my panic attacks are gone.
I know and am acting on what I have to do