A friend of mine has as part of his email signature In His Grip and for me I as a follower of Christ, I am in His grip, but I am also gripped by His love.
As ironic (for lack of a better word) I question love in relationship to me; I truly believe that my girlfriend is in love with me, both by words, but also by actions. She demonstrates agape love in so many ways, and sometimes I am caught of guard by how wonderful it truly is.
I know my mom loves me, but she has to, she's my mom! Only joking, only joking. She loves me by her actions, but also by how she has been the most active parent in my life, she's been there for me in so many ways, I am starting
to reciprocate during this time she has chemo treatments for her breast cancer.
My sisters love me as a sibling, a listening ear, transportation, etc. I am glad that we are close, albeit I rather be closer to 2 of the 3, it seems like we get along well, but we could get along better...
My father, yeah... His love for me is confusing; sure, he helps me monetarily with school and a few other expenses, but when it comes down to saying I love you he is someone who says oh and by the way I love you or he says in a haste ending to his conversation with me. :( I am sometimes hurt to the core when it seems like he says it mechanically, as if a program tells him to say it instead of his heart.
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God...the love God shows me is being exposed more in my life in different areas and different ways, it's hard for me to pinpoint where God's loving me in every area of my life, but I know he loves me deeply and dearly.
I hate bringing up my father again, but my Heavenly father is a lot closer to me than my Earthly one, and I am torn apart inside and yet I feel completely whole, quite complex I admit... My Heavenly father has gripped me with his love, it is a stream that never runs dry and I constantly go to quench my thirst. I feel loved by Him, it is an amazing feeling to feel suffocated (in a good way) by love -- and not from a human being, but by the God of creation, the Alpha and Omega, the one who chose me before anything was made...wow!
Oh how joyous I am! :)
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1 comments:
Try not to be too hard on your Dad. The culture has done everything it can do to destroy fathers, even to using the mothers to demean and isolate him from the children under the disguise or excuse of protecting them from him. This is satanic but subtle, and it has destroyed many fathers' ability to reach out. This was going on when I was a kid, and it's going on right now.
Men are the stronger sex, physically. But women are stronger emotionally, in the sense that they don't have anything to prove, but a man has EVERYTHING to prove: To his wife, that he loves her (and it's always got to be by HER measuring stick), to his children, that he's interested in them (but they don't have to be interested in HIM), to his employer that he's worth his pay, to his church that he's being "a Christian man", and to his peers that he can keep up with them (by THEIR standards, not his or Christ's), and finally to GOD (has he followed the commandments and proven himself worthy in all the areas listed above?).
The emotional and physical ties between mothers and their children are obvious and easy, but not so with fathers. These ties have to be intentional, but on both sides. In cases where some form of dysfunction has gone too far, only by outside help can the relationship between fathers and (especially) sons be restored. It's difficult not to feel oneself a victim and the other the oppressor, but truthfully, both are victims, of the world, the flesh and the devil.
Cut your Dad some slack. He's going through something that you simply can't understand… yet. But as the old hymn goes, "Farther along, we'll know all about it…"
Go with God, my brother!
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