I'm a very introspective extroverted person and sometimes I'm not good at quick draw, think-on-your-feet scenarios, but I am getting better at it. This being said, the following thoughts come from introspective thinking, they're not something I copied and pasted in a deadline rush, they've been marinating in my head for a while...
I recall my younger years, particularly around the age of 16 of 17, a great deal of my reading material at that time were the books Jesus Freak 1 & 2, kind of a modern easier-to-read Fox's Book of Martyrs. As I read the book I was inspired, but in some freaky self-centered way I was inspired for the wrong reasons...
The allure of DYING for Christ was something that was on my mind most of the time. It wasn't a "how cool would it be to be burned out the stake while singing Psalms to God" kinda thing, but in all honesty it was in some ways.
I thought about how my death might influence others to live for Christ, how maybe it would be something that would get a lot of press and so wherever I was when I was martyred would be changed on a national level, and yet...
All of my reasons were about ME and not about God, they were about how I could reap the benefits of martyrdom post mortem, it was more about my glory instead of God's.
I rationalize that it my mindset then was screwy, I was depressed and felt lonely and that no one could relate to me or what I was going on in my family (I found out that wasn't so, but at the time it felt like it was Me VS. The World). I look back at my writings of them and it is almost like a Christianese suicide letter which freaks me out even though I still write dark and haunting things, but that's because I was trying to DIE for Christ then and now I am LIVING for Christ.
Another facet to all of this is that I wanted to take the easy way out, dying for Christ is easier than living for Christ. Sometimes living for Christ IS dying for Christ, but for us who aren't exposed to persecution on a day-to-day basis, we really can't grasp getting killed for our faith. Those people who are going through persecution are living for Christ but they are aware that death might very much be a possibility in their walk with God, they live for Him and they're reading to die for Him, but for the rest of us our mindsets aren't there.
Living for Christ takes time, being in community with other believers, growing in God's word, talking to him aka Prayer, etc... It's a lot of "work" but it is work we shouldn't view as such, they are tasks that we should be and do willingly and we should take what we know and share it with others.
Living for Christ isn't something that has a deadline, a "to be done by *insert date here" event, it is an ongoing process because there is always something to be learned or relearned, it's awesome! I love to learn and this past summer has been a time of much learning of spiritual practices and such, I'm moving forward in my living for Christ, I was feeling like a stunted plant for the longest time ;) But I am growing and I am seeing some fruit grow :)
Living for Christ is for us who have Christ living within us! Let us keep on running this race that is before us, step by step, till we cross the finish line.
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