Now I know you might be thinking Alcoholics Anonymous, but no, I don't have a drinking problem.
I do think that I have an affirmation problem,
not that I do things out of selfish intent, that I walk an old lady across the street just for the thanks she'll give me,
but sometimes I do things similar to that.
I don't hear at my house "good job" or other words of praise,
I am mostly complimented by those I work with -- both kids and fellow workers -- and I am thankful of their thanks, maybe too much.
I remember in my childhood, my parents never said that we were "good" kids, because as they ruled out "no one is good except for God". Yet I was the troubled kid, the kid who did negative to get a reaction and to get noticed, my peers got this and perhaps that combined with being the dorky little homeschooled kid that I was, I was "uncool" and the one people like to kick the crap out of it...Middle School was Hell for me.
In my high school years I became more athletic and suddenly I became cool, and I was riding high the tide being the cool one, and yet I treated other kids in an uncool way, similarly to the way kids treated me in Middle School.
...
Now I'm in my 20somethings, college years, I'm almost done and yet I think I'm getting to a point where I want to do well...on my own; I do have a job that's awesome and no one knows my family or parents (mainly my contention, a lot of jobs and related has been based off riding their coattails) and it's super.
I plan on moving on with my life in this streak of independence, and part of me wants to head out to SoCal.
...
Back to AA; while I do things out of love infused in me through Christ (I don't believe there's a shard of innate goodness in mankind), because I don't hear good this or good that, so I let the words linger in my heart and head, because who knows when I'll hear it next.
People like praise, I def. do, but no "yes men" or butt kissers, people who can give me REAL praise...I dig it.
[n][v]
1 comments:
When I was growing up I had a Mom who was always affirming me and encouraging me and mothering me in a very loving way. She did this, I think, to get me to return the love and affirmation, which I did, but her relationship to my Dad was simply dreadful. My Dad on the other hand rarely if ever praised me for anything good that I did. It was as if he expected me to be the best, and when I wasn't he showed his displeasure in subtle ways. How I hated that!
After I grew up and had a family and my Dad visited, when getting to know me again as an adult, a father myself of four boys, he continued to show interest and give praise to everyone but me. Naturally, he should be proud of his grandsons, but for me, even with my accomplishments, silence. It hurt me at the time, but I forgave him, knowing that he must just have a problem.
The woman I married and who is the mother of my four sons also has this strange thing against me. She never praises me to others or to myself, but as a matter of fact only finds fault with everything I do, blaming me to my sons as "the one who has ruined our family." My oldest son broke this to me about a year ago, and said he spent three hours trying to talk one of his younger brothers out of believing it. Not that there was any evidence to support it, but mothers have a way of taking over their sons' minds and affections. Fortunately, my sons are very intelligent, and have shaken off the bad rap that I have had handed me by their mother all these years.
So where do I go for affirmation?
I go the Lord, to His Word, that teaches me all things and lightens my burdens, that gives me the value that those I thought loved me denied me, telling me sometimes openly, sometimes behind my back, that I am unworthy, no good, unfaithful, hopelessly selfish, elitist, anything bad that can be said about me, you name it, it's been said. But not by the Lord. He knows me thru and thru. He knows my sin, yes, but my goodness He knows too, because He gave it to me. Neither you, Nathanael, nor I do things good just for show, just for the praise of others. We're too smart for that. We know when it's the old man, the flesh, at work in us, and when it's the new man created by God in the image of Jesus Christ.
Give yourself the credit that the Lord gives you, and thank Him for having mercy on you, and on people like me, who for over thirty years have put up not only with the scorn of others, but with the humiliation of my own sinful nature, and of the accuser.
I hope things are improving for you, young brother. I haven't been blogging much myself, and I don't know if I'll ever really get back to it. God knows. Always learning Greek, am studying Hebrew again, as well as Japanese and Korean. Hope you are still interested in and learning languages. That's another way to show people we care about them, we want to speak their language.
God bless you Nathanael.
Post a Comment