Deal with me in writing out this open and raw blogpost...thanks.
Today marks my mom's 55th year of life, yes this is her real age (yet so many people think she is at least 10 years younger). To cut right to the chase, I'm worried that she is losing her mind; she is acting very irrationally and she has become a very paranoid person, in particular she blocks the number (*67) and expects me to pick up every-freaking-time she calls. NO! I won't buy her s*** of my father, who she thinks will trace the number and come after her OR she 'can't' let me know her real number, because she's not 'supposed to give it out' to family members and friends... WTH?!?
I am sick and tired of her calling me, threatening me, blaspheming God (WWJD - her response to my 'disobedience' of not picking up) and other stuff that just works me up and pisses me off.
You know what? I haven't seen her in more than 3 months, that right, I have not seen her since prior to I left for school and a few days, it sickens me that she has been out of touch with me ever since... :*(
Happy Birthday mom,
where ever you are...physically and mentally.
1 comments:
Just when you think it can't get any worse… it does!
God must really want you hard, young brother, to be leading you at so youthful a chronological age to the very mouth of She‘ol.
When you follow Jesus, He can walk anywhere, and often He does. Places you'd never dream of going, places you didn't even think existed.
Thinking inside the box, as we're trained to do, even by our churchly mentors, we don't suspect that even the jargon in which we've been taught to think, will be so ruthlessly inadequate to help us through our earthly struggle.
Beyond thinking about them (because we can't always trust our thoughts), beyond the feelings that bombard us (we already know they can't be trusted), we still must live amidst the unbelievable chaos of our family members and others around us.
The necessity to live when everything around us speaks, promises, even desires death.
The necessity to die when we've been taught that everything is going to work out, that all will be well.
We who follow Jesus are called to live in a way that only He could live, yet He does live in us that same life.
Finally, I want to share something that an Orthodox abba wrote:
If we abandon our own desires and opinions, and endeavor to fulfill God's wishes and understanding, we will save ourselves, no matter what our position, no matter what our circumstance. But, if we cling to our own desires and opinions, neither position nor circumstance will be of help. Even in Paradise, Eve transgressed God's commandment, and life with the Savior Himself brought the unfortunate Judas no good. As we read in the Holy Gospels, we require patience and an inclination to pious living.
(Abba Ambrose of Optina monastery, Russia)
Post a Comment