Sunday, January 29, 2006

Recap of LSD Trip:

It was awesome, but some things took place within me while I was away; I was breaking, I was being torn and worn down, I was in pain (emotionally) and all the while... God was healing me...

One that affected me greatly on the LSD Trip was finding out by way of Bethany that one of the YoungLife girls is going through some hard times, and...well, the hard times this girl is going through- I've been in her shoes on two occasions. I was almost automatically drawn to tears about it, because... I feel the hurt this girl is going through, but also when I went through the same thing, I had no one: The memories of then do not come to the surface often, but just realizing how much Bethany cares about this girl and how we prayed for her... wow, I wish I had leaders of some sort like that way back when...

Some things I pulled away from the weekend
Wrestling with the pain of the past and present:
There is a lot in my life that needs to be healed, I do not want to be fixed, I want to be healed... There are years of tears and scars, and I... I am going through the healing process and so... So I am going through the breaking of bones to rebuild the structure (emotionally). The house is torn down and a new house must be built on the foundation (God).
As much as I feel the kindness of those I work with, I finally grasped the depth in which I can go into with them. I have trust issues and there are people I work with that I can tell things that people I've known for a LONG time have no clue on what is going on... I don't mean to exclude, but trust is the keyword.
In regards to sanctuary- I feel secure within God's arms, but I also feel secure with those I work with at YoungLife. How many people can really and earnestly say this? That they are secure and find refuge in a source outside of God?
***Something tells me that this isn't a common thing- But I have found it.

I am still the melancholic,
I am a melancholic who is healing by the grace of GOD
He is all that I need,
He is my all...